It all started with the classic plan...
"Let's create an OkCupid profile!!!"
"Great idea - I'll post a couple pictures, write a profile,
send a message, and...
Dates Will Start Flooding in Like There's No Tomorrow!!!"
[17 WEEKS LATER]
"There aren't any messages coming in. I've sent 98 messages to women, and only got 1 reply... and she turned out to be a 650 pound Baleen Whale with a hook for an arm!"
Damn... How am I even supposed to get dates if I don't even get any replies?
So I sat on my thinking chair, scratched my head, and did some deep thinking.
7 minutes later, I came up with a plan:
I was going to get help... But not just from any old bum... I was going to seek help from the LEGEND when it came to profile writing...
So I went and visited the scientist up on his lab on that hill where lightning always strikes at night when it rains.
Dr. Pensworth Profilio was a charming old fella with a beard,
and he told me what I needed to do to write a profile.
And not just any profile.
You see, Dr. Profilio had a profile that attracted ladies left and right.
And I'm not talking about Baleen Whales here... I'm
talking about HOT, beautiful bombshells who were
dying to have a chance to meet with Dr. Profilio.
In fact, in the summer of 2015 Dr. Profilio got an average of 47 messages from scorching hot babes....
Every single day!
Why? Because of his awesome profile!
You see, Dr. Profilio wasn't rich, he wasn't handsome,
and he didn't even have a cheesy 6-pack abs picture.
But he was a man. And he was Dr. Profilio. And he had bite.
And I learned from him.
During my tutelage with Dr. Profilio, I learned lots of things....
He taught me how to hold a lady, how to talk to her, and how to
make love to her.
He also showed me how to avoid the clingy girls, the crazy-eyed girls, and the sugar mommas.
And soon, I was getting the same results as Dr. Profilio.
Now I didn't get only Baleen Whales to message me, but
also Sensational Mermaids With Fantastic Coconut Bras!!
Soon, all my friends wanted to know about the Secret to all the Mermaids swimming in my pool.
So I told them. And I showed them Dr. Profilio's profile writing
Honestly, I really wasn't expecting them to get results, because they're a bunch of losers, but little did I know the true power of Dr. Profilio's techniques...
Boy were they successful... they also started getting the Mermaids too!
Now if you're still reading, then you probably already want to get it on with me, but honestly, I wouldn't be here without Dr. Profilio's advice.
And I owe it all to him.
In fact, I promised he would be the Godfather of our first child if it ever got that far.
But if you want to message me, then here's what I need you to send me in your message:
- your name
- your favorite place to travel to (or that you'd like to travel to)
- your favorite animal (you'll see why)
And also, please have a recent full-length photo.
If you're soft, kind, and don't take any of this too seriously... then let's talk (and hopefully soon meet for cocktails in a crowded well-lit venue with lots of security guards)
All the best,
Frank aka "Dr. Profilio's favorite apprentice"