------------------ The facial hair is negotiable. The face, alas, is not.
"Wow! His profile is really long!"
"Heh. Do you think he's compensating for something? wink wink"
"What, like a crushing fear that he'll die alone and forgotten, but for a precisely correct sequence of words on a dating website that would otherwise have warmed the heart of the perfect girl if only he'd thought of it, and that that isolation is indicative of the possibility that, fundamentally, he's ultimately unworthy of love?"
"Nah, he's clearly just got too much time on his hands. Feckin' weirdo if you ask me!"
Time to take this in another direction, I think! I've a pretty self-effacing sense of humour and I'm not big on bragging, but I'm not having massive luck lately, and I'm not utterly devoid of creditable traits so let's see if putting some of 'em out there gets me any further. I promise not to lie..
So, I'm a Nigerian billionaire prince and I need your help.
... Starting now!
~ I've a fun job that pays well. Not, like, massively well; I'm an uneducated pleb after all, but enough that I'll be buying my own reasonably comfortable home in the near-ish future, even with Brexit and the goddamn Tories and the incompetent opposition and all the other nonsense we've inflicted on our country these last few years. Huh, I may have given something of my political persuasion away there. Yep, you got me. I'm a Liberal!
~ I try to be a decent person. Feminist, egalitarian, yadda yadda. I'm no hippie seeking out confrontation at every chance, but I do get wound up at people being denied opportunities for stupid sh1t like sex, sexuality, race, or how many games consoles they own. I might own several games consoles.
~ In a relationship I'm loving, considerate, tactile and annoying in that on-purpose sense because I believe it's true love when you roll your eyes at me, or smack me on the arm, in mock frustration at my latest 'silly answer to your sensible question', but still want to, let's say, "ignore Netflix". On that subject, bonus points if you have a good unimpressed look. It'll go really well with my puns!
~ I also think I've figured out this "listening" malarkey. At least, as much as any bloke can claim to do so. As a result my gift-giving skills are well developed and I enjoy figuring out what a girl really likes, and applying that knowledge. This also enhances my annoying-on-purpose potential, so as far as I'm concerned it's a win for everyone.
~ My main passion, I suppose, is fiction. I will read, watch and play sci-fi regularly, although I do branch out to other areas quite a bit. So, yeah, congratulations to anyone playing "hunt the loner" on a dating website - ya found another one!
~ I'm gonna be a kick-ass dad one day. Seriously. I'm really not in a rush and I'd like to think that kind of thing will come naturally with a romantic-best-friend-cum-team-mate. But if I ever get the chance, I'm going to raise a happy, open-minded, compassionate and curious kid or two. Then I'ma annoy the crap out of them for my own amusement. And to give you a break from it, of course!
~ I value reason and empirical evidence over belief and wishful thinking. You can debate all day over what humanity's greatest achievement is; the moon landing, the internet, antibiotics, whatever. And they're all good answers. But the only reason they're even answers is because we created the scientific method to begin with. Damn do I ever wish I was smart enough to be a scientist! Ho-well! As such, I take being told I'm wrong surprisingly well. We won't have a blazing row if you call me an idiot as long as your reasoning is sound.
~ I'll evict spiders, if you so desire. I do so politely, mind; no squishing. I'm not sure what the fuss is all about though; they're a damn-sight better than the flies they rid us of!
~ My surname is Bear. Think about it - how would you like to be Mrs Bear?
I'm looking for a kind-hearted, thoughtful and liberal girl, who is perhaps a bit nerdy (or at least nerd-tolerant) with whom to share box sets, provocative discussion, sunny afternoons in beer gardens, and, if we get really serious, my chips. If that appeals, say hi; I'm no less afraid of you than you are of me, and I don't mind if your message wouldn't win a Pulitzer, as long as it's legible and I can get a sense of what you're about between it, and your profile.
Discworld! Hell, anything by Terry Pratchett - if you're in to sci fi I promise you you want to read The Long Earth series.
If you're a Lord of the Rings style fantasy fan please do give The Name of the Wind (sequel; Wise Man's Fear) a go. A genuinely fantastic high-fantasy tale.
The PC Peter Grant series, starting with Rivers of London. Hilarious, and some of the best writing I've encountered.
The Chronicles of St Mary's, starting with Just One Damned Thing After Another. I can't think of the words to describe this series' awesomeness. It may be the best light reading on the planet.
Mass Effect - Incredible sci fi, a PS3 game series that presents the player with some really confounding moral choices and delivers some heart-breaking moments as your choices result in consequences, sometimes right away, sometimes a game or two later. The voice-acting and music are brilliant, the story is as good as any other fiction out there, the gameplay is fast-paced and good fun, and if you don't fall in love with the majority of the characters you are dead inside! And you can play it all over again, and make different choices. Finally, the developers need to be applauded for allowing the player to not only choose between a male or female protagonist, but to decide their sexual orientation by pursuing certain other characters.
Psycho Pass - TV show, another sci fi, but basically if you want your head messed up by a rather dark analysis of what it means to be human then get yer Netflix box going.
~ Music, preferably loud. Turns housework from monotonous to therapeutic.
~ A world to get lost in. (Clever, eh? I get to list books/Kindle, TV, Netflix, PS4, PS3, WiiU and PC with internet all under one bullet point!)
~ Food. Everyone nowadays describes themselves as a foodie. I'm not above jumping on this bandwagon, as long as it's a bandwagon with snacks.
~ Analytical comedy. "Reality has a well-known liberal bias" - Stephen Colbert
~ The gym. Fuck me I never thought I'd be one of those knobs who likes going to the gym but actually I do enjoy that shit!