34Philadelphia, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Trans-species Tyrannosaurus Rex*, irl, anthropomorphic personification of 'Poe's Law', and chaotic neutral badass with a heart 'o' gold (basically, I'm like Andy Dick if he were pelted by gamma rays!)! Rawr!

I don't matter, you don't matter, no lives matter, it don't matta, none uh this mattas. Your feeble and impotent God of slavery, torture, genocide, and child anal-rape is a lie created millenia ago to brainwash the stupid and WEAK into obedient, complacent, submissive cattle. Ultimately, everything we do, regardless of what it is, is exactly the same as doing nothing at all, because we're all just airborne mini-dirt. I'm only interested in enjoying myself until I die by any means necessary**! If you hold anything sacred, we probably won't get along.

Apparently OKCupid is biased against gay dinosaurs since my straight dinosaur pornographic profile photo is appropriate for this matriarchal, endless, all-you-can-eat, dick and vaj buffet, but my GAY pornographic dinosaur profile photo was just TOOOOOO risqué.

David Cronenberg's style of directing pretty much encapsulates my entire approach to life: 'Too much is not enough.'

*milkin' the whole T-Rex thing till the trans-species fad runs it's course.

**Some restrictions apply.
What I’m doing with my life
Working a lot. Looking at potential grad schools for something like molecular biology because I suck at math. I'm also a fat, fuckin' pig who is gradually getting less fat by the day.
I’m really good at
Drawing, video games, reading, pissing people off and making complete strangers cry on Facebook and Omegle cuz that's just the kinda guy I am.

I've been told that I'm "condescending, patronizing, and conceited beyond normal human capabilities." So if I've got only one superpower, it's superhuman arrogance.
The first things people usually notice about me
My calm, emotionless, indifferent expression makes me look like a furious, psychotic, cannibalistic, serial murderer.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: The Fly, Videodrome, Freddy Got Fingered, American Splender, Team America: WP, Cannibal: the Musical, Avengers, Roadhouse, The Brood, Army of Darkness, District 9, Jurassic Park, From Hell, Iron Man, Transformers, Signs, Orgazmo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The X-Men films, Hellboy, Thor, Captain America, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, The Incredible Hulk, Shaun of the Dead, Deadpool, Pacific Rim, Bubba Ho-tep, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, almost all Godzilla and Kaiju movies (with the only notable exception being GINO/Sonyzilla), a bunch of others.

TV: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Earthworm Jim, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mission Hill, Pinky And the Brain, Beavis and Butthead, Sam 'n Max, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, 3 South, Family Guy, Law & Order, MST3K, The MAXX, Archer, Burn Notice, Robot Chicken, Danger 5, South Park, Super Jail, Eagleheart, Young Justice, Fringe, X-files, Dexter, Your Pretty Face Is Going to HELL, Digimon, Ash vs Evil Dead, Dan Vs, It's Always Sunny, Workaholics, Children's Hospital, The Muppets, People of Earth, The Head, Frisky Dingo, You're the Worst, Axe Cop, The Strain, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Nova, Sealab 2021, Broad City, Xtacles, The Venture Brothers, Star Trek TNG, Daredevil, Rick and Morty, Mr Pickles, One Punch Man, Dragonball Super, Stranger Things, FLCL, Frankenhole, Big Guy and Rusty, Teen Titans GO!, Serial Experiments: Lain, The Brak Show, Border Town, a lot of others.

Books: I recently started reading 'Dragons of Eden' and 'Gifts of the Crow'.

Music: They Might Be Giants, Weezer, Cake, MSI, Devo, DVDA, Pain, Andrew WK, Sir Mix A Lot, Natewantstobattle, Lemon Demon, Smashing Pumpkins, The Slipnuts, a bunch of others.

Comics: The Incredible HULK, stuff with Red Lanterns in it (With the exception of a couple of decent issues, the New 52 run of Red Lanterns was a steaming puddle of pig diarrhea! The only thing I hated about the Red Lanterns pre-New 52 was Mera (Being Aquaman's wife is a reason to be severely, chronically, suicidally depressed. It's NOT a reason to be ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!)), Transmet, Savage Dragon (first 50 issues) JTHM, Watchmen, The Authority (Ellis), Animal Man (Morrison), Sandman, The MAXX, One Punch Man, Pitt, Calvin & Hobbes, SiP, Saga, lots more.
Six things I could never do without





I spend a lot of time thinking about
Transplanting Kim Kardashian's brain into the cloned body of Joseph Merrick.

Making a web comic in which Salvador Dali, Grimlock, Bob Dole, the Incredible HULK, and the Jimmy from Seinfeld are roommates united by their shared idiosyncrasy of speaking in the third person.

Which super powers would be most conducive to cheating at specific price is right games (telekinesis for plinko, x-ray vision for 3 strikes, etc.).

Designing Heroclix figures and dials that will never be created.

What kinds of horrible, vomit-inducing Cronenbergs I will genetically engineer after I get my PhD and my own lab, as well as whom I shall unleash my beautiful babies upon so they can satisfy their daddy's great and terrible fury.

"Monsters are born too tall, too strong, too heavy, and that is their tragedy."

- Ishiro Honda

"All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks, in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

"You saw me as a hero, a benefactor. You would have perished without my aid. And then you left me to die. I have torn your cities apart, burned your country to the ground, and then I left you crippled to endure what came next. I consider us even."

- Godzilla, King of the Monsters

"For men must never feel a cause is hopeless-- men must never feel an enemy cannot be beaten!”

- Stan Lee

"The scientist believes in proof without certainty. The bigot, in certainty without proof."

- Ashley Montagu

"I’ve got news for ya, pal. You ain’t leadin’ but two things right now: Jack and shit … and Jack skipped town."

- Bruce Campbell

"You may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension.”

- Nikola Tesla (?)
On a typical Friday night I am
Fighting EVIL and getting ready for work the next morning.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I love dogs, cats, and babies.

... because they can't testify against me in court.
You should message me if
You want casual sex and you're NOT a hooker (If you're a whore who is NOT horrendously repulsive, then don't be shy!). You want to go on a date. You're simultaneously extremely immature (i.e. you just don't give a fuck), extremely intelligent, and extremely responsible, or you just enjoy the company of people who have all 3 of those qualities.
The two of us