50Saskatoon, Canada
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My self-summary

Bought a house, the basement flooded several times, a tree fell on my car & the cats moved out (I cried after the last one...) Shit fucking happens! Won't you be my neighbour???

I am jinxed/cursed/possessed whatever, I know this is an attractive quality --- oh yeah, I also have 7 or 8 dead girlfriends, 4 ODed & 2 were, I am not kidding, and no, I didn't do it!!

Wanna go out with me? I'm tons of fun, and if the relationship doesn't work out, don't worry, you'll probably get hit by a bus or struck by lightning anyway, so you won't care. Yes, I also have an incredible sense of humour, a necessary survival tool!


I'm NOW trying to make my profile more CYNICAL and SARCASTIC . . .

I'm seeking a sane woman (yeah right!), I prefer redheads or blondes , BIG , FAT , or BBW is good!!, I have a taste for the unusual. --- Actually, at this point, I'm SOOOOOOO HUNGRY I'll probably EAT just about anybody (female, and preferably human, although a sexy extra-terrestrial might even be welcome!!)

I have a very simple theory about relationships, and this is it: WOMEN are CRAZY, MEN are STUPID!! (Somewhat cynical, I realize, but I'm NOT being entirely serious!!) ACTUALLY, I recently realized, NO, I AM being ENTIRELY serious!!

I have a BA in Psychology (so fucking what!, you may say), I'm fantasizing about starting my Master's degree sometime this millenium, and I'm also simulating work at a few different jobs, at least well enough to get regular paycheques. WELL, new update, only one job, but I like it & the pay & benefits are great!

I am lazy , but if I were motivated, I'd be more creative and musical - I sing , play guitar bass keyboards etc., I'm a songwriter , singer , musician , poet , photographer , I have drawn bad raunchy cartoons with stick people in them, I try to make my own porn , I hump people's legs when I really like them, (girls only!!) . . .

What am I looking for?? ----- Love , friends , eggs (as in OVA), etc. --- (who knows!) A reason not to commit suicide would be nice . . .

I love music , METAL , sex , movies , games (not head games, thanks!), kids , & YOU!!, whoever the fuck you are, wherever the fuck you're hiding, I'll find you eventually, or DIE TRYING!!

I'm not rich, but I have had at least 2 or 3 jobs, sometimes more . . . I don't give a flying fuck about money; it is merely a vehicle, it's the destination that matters most . . . although I'm currently going nowhere, as I lack direction, ambition, motivation, and reasons to live.

I'm NOT into any drinking or drugs! I used to be a long time ago, I'm done with that . . . So if you are, please FUCK OFF!! Stay the FUCK away from me, I already have enough dead ex's/friends/etc.!! Thank you for your attention to this very important point . . .

I live (or fake life very well) in western Canada , I travel a bit . . . Saskatchewan , Alberta , British Columbia (aka BC )

INTERESTS and OBSESSIONS (things to THINK about, or TALK about) include, but not limited to:

bbws big girls blues Buddhism children Egyptology fat girls fetishes HEAVY METAL hockey Japan Japanese language kids METAL music musician oral sex orgasms pantyhose philosophy porn pregnancy psychology puns pussy reading rock'n'roll sarcasm sci-fi sex sociology swearing travel

Some of my favourite COMPULSIONS (also known as activities/diversions/entertainments/hobbies/past­​imes), i.e. things to DO, are:

anal sex backgammon bass guitar chess concerts conversation cunnilingus doggystyle eating pussy fucking guitar internet Karaoke Karate keyboards learning licking live music masturbation movies oral sex phone sex photography piano pizza poetry pool porn puns reading sarcasm sex singing swearing

Some description, CHARACTER traits, other background about ME:

affectionate atheist Canadian Capricorn clean and sober cunning linguist!! dirty minded drug free educated friendly honest horny humour intelligent intense kinky long hair loving loyal night owl nocturnal passionate punster Saskatoon Saskatchewan sarcastic sexy singer songwriter witty


I hate hate (I know, isn't it ironic, don'tcha think?); I also hate:

alcohol; annoying celebrities; anorexic bimbo supermodels; bad pop music; the bible; borders; boy bands; bright sunlight; bullies; censorship (we can think for ourselves, for fuck's sakes!); child abuse; cigarettes; cliches; cologne; conformity; conservatives; credit cards; daylight savings time; death; Disney; drugs; easy listening (more like impossible listening!!); Edmonton; elevator music; EST; farts; fast food; fish & seafood; fluorescent light; gangsta rap; golf (even more boring to watch than to play!); (most) green vegetables; guns (guns don't kill people, but they sure make it a lot fucking easier!); Heaven (it doesn't fucking exist, you fools!); hot weather; hypocrisy; ignorance; illness; insurance being mandatory --- give me a fucking choice!; jerking off because I don't get laid enough; khaki; laws & rules (a substitute for common sense & decision making); lip-synching; loneliness; McDonald's; media brainwashing & propaganda; Michael Jackson; mornings; multi-national corporations; musclebound steroid monkeys (the male bimbos . . .); nuclear weapons; off-key singing; organized religion (the opiate of the masses!); Pepsi; pink (the colour); plaid; political corruption; polka dots; popcorn; the Pope; poverty; puking; the Queen/royalty in general (kill the monarchy!); racism; reality TV (are you that fucking gullible? It has less basis in reality than most TV!!); rednecks; right-wing thinking; sauerkraut; shit; snot; Special Olympics (sorry, I can't help myself --- if I was retarded, I would just kill myself!); speed limits; spitting; stupidity; styrofoam; top 40; unnecessary pain; Valentine's Day; violence; war;

I am Brilliant, Passionate, and Freaky!!
What I’m doing with my life
I'm learning , loving , and searching for the perfect mate (doesn't that sound all flowery & nauseatingly sweet!, but I'm serious about it!!);

I'm playing music , trying to get a band happening, just covers for now, but tons of original songs to come;

I'm staying clean (as in drug free );

I'm working too much, etc.;

I'm trying to write in complete sentences . . .

I'm spending way too fucking much time online --- I have no life --- time for Internet Anonymous!!

I'm trying to kill myself with restaurant food, which will have to do until the next woman comes along to finish me off . . .
I’m really good at
Sex (doesn't everyone say that?) but I'm NOT lying!!;

Eating pussy , making women cum , giving you multiple orgasms ;

Masturbating , since it seems that I am either too repulsive or too annoying to get laid on a regular enough basis;

Music (it's in the blood!);

Intelligent conversation (shut the fuck up!!);

Humour (if puns and sarcasm count), black humour;

Games , such as chess , backgammon , shooting pool , cribbage, strip poker ! (does it matter if you win or lose??), Yahtzee, Trivial Pursuit, Civilization, etc.);
The first things people usually notice about me
I have this mane of long hair (think Samson - I haven't had it cut short in over 20 years (fuck I'm getting old!));

I'm blessed/cursed with massive intelligence ; (yes girls, I have a REALLY BIG BRAIN !!)

I'm disgustingly open and honest ; (but I have boundaries!)

I'm friendly like a puppy, but I won't piddle on the floor (unless you're into that sort of thing) --- however, I may hump your leg if I really like you!!; or piddle on you, or you can do it on me if I really really like you . . .

I'm outgoing and social; except when I'm feeling depressed & anti-social . . .

I'm horny kinky & sexually perverted , people usually pick up on that somehow!! Maybe it's because I flaunt it???
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(a) BOOKS: sci-fi , mystery, crime, entertainment I love to read! Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy comes to mind, Lord of the Rings, . . . XANTH!!

(b) MOVIES: comedy, sci-fi, horror, action, anything not TOO Hollywood; weird stuff, porn , Rocky Horror Picture Show, Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, A Fish Called Wanda, Beetlejuice, Lord of the Rings, Jesus Christ Superstar, A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Secretary, Star Trek movies/TV, James Bond movies, Elvira Mistress of the Dark, . . . I'll think of more later

(c) MUSIC: metal , rock , blues , etc. 60s/70s/80s/90s.

----- Some favourites include: Deep Purple , Led Zeppelin , T. Rex , Soundgarden , Pantera , Slayer , Audioslave , Cradle Of Filth , Blue Oyster Cult , Megadeth , Alice In Chains , Pearl Jam , Girlschool , Danzig , Guns N' Roses , The Tea Party , Flotsam & Jetsam , Manowar , Death , Entombed , Obituary , Dio , Arch Enemy , Alice Cooper , Nine Inch Nails , Corrosion Of Conformity , Ugly Kid Joe , Whitesnake , Aerosmith , Scorpions , Iron Maiden , Judas Priest , Black Sabbath , Pink Floyd , Queen , The Who , old Metallica , before they started to blow goats, etc. etc. -----

(d) FOOD: pizza, cheese, fruit, pasta, a good steak once in a while, and all the pussy I can eat!! -----

Six things I could never do without
1. Sex : eating pussy , getting head , doggystyle , 69 , much more . . .

2. Love --- although it seems like I do do without it unfortunately!! SO actually, this one shouldn't even be on this fucking list!!

3. Music --- singing it, playing it, creating it, listening to it --- (metal !!) -- see above for some of my musical tastes . . . or lack of taste . . .

4. Intelligent conversation , or at least pseudo-intellectual . . . Verbal abuse would be OK at this point too, I love it when you call me names, and I love to hear women talk dirty . . .

5. Friends --- great for when there's no lovers around!! . . . which is way too frequently . . .

6. Guitars --- a way of venting frustration without resorting to raping, pillaging, burning, murder, or other mayhem!! Actually, recently I've been singing way more than playing guitar, which is OK, since I think I'm better at that; I've only been playing guitar for about 25 years, whereas I've been singing as long as I can consciously remember, and probably even before that . . .
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Sex (big shock!!),

Love (or lack of it),

Music (heavy metal),

Inventing new ways to have fun involving any of the previously mentioned thoughts,

Playing games to distract myself from mundane reality, using and abusing entertainment of any sort . . .

. . . A lot of the things I think about would probably get me arrested if I actually did them . . .

. . . For example, all the women I'd love to FUCK . . .

. . . and all the people I'd love to KILL in sadistic, creative and excruciatingly painful ways --- mostly annoying celebrities, but a few personal acquaintenances may find themselves unworthy enough to be on this list . . .
On a typical Friday night I am
Clean (as in drug free ), looking for someone to love , hanging with friends , eating , enjoying games , music and entertainment . . .

(unless I get called in to work . . .)

Being nocturnal . . .
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Nothing's sacred . . .
You should message me if
You know how to love me . . .

You think I'm interesting, or at least weird . . .

You are a bbw fat redhead or blonde nymphomaniac with big tits , a hot pussy and an insatiable desire to sit on my face and give me head

You have unfertilized OVA!!

You want to have my baby . . .

You love music , especially METAL !!

You can carry on a reasonable conversation about something, nothing or anything . . .
The two of us