36 Phoenix, United States
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My self-summary
I would like to introduce myself as "KEVIN". This would be my "Self-Summary"... so let me summarize. I am a male human. I have 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 ears, and 2 eyes (at least that's what I saw the last time I looked in the mirror). While I supposedly have 2 eyes, I don’t watch TV. I don’t even have a TV. Fine... I have a TV. I just wanted you to think "oh, he's one of those 'I don't watch TV cause I'm too good for it' people whom we simply can't STAND to read about". Yes, I used quotes inside quotes right there. I'm sure you only wish you were that good. Was that the correct usage of “whom”? Don't answer that. We simply don't have time to discuss such trivial nonsence. You have a really long profile to read, and if you're gonna get through it, you have to move past minor details such as speling and gramors.

This is only the second paragraph and I have quite a ways to go. Why am I telling you all of this stupid stuff about me, anyway? Cause I can (and okcupid convinced me to do it with promises of romance and super awesome fun times had by all). Since we already touched on TV and how I love it more than life itself, I will discuss it further. This seems to be as good a place as any to do so. Wouldn't you agree, okcupid? Hello? I guess that's an astute YES. Soo... I have a low tolerance for all of these reality shows. Some are ok (I like intervention), but some are too over the top. The next one’s gonna be about who could survive being shot through a ring of fire, while singing, eating meal worms, answering bizarre questions that no one should know, while attempting to be the next top model after getting plastic surgery… in space… then they explode into marshmallows. It’s gonna be GREAT. Actually, that, I would watch. No, I do like some TV. Simpsons, family guy, ATHF, Eureka, 30 rock, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, other junk. I can also sit and watch the discovery channel for 6 hours straight... that is if I had 6 hours straight, which I don't, and if I did, I probably wouldn’t spend it watching the stupid discovery channel... so take all that about the discovery channel back... It's a lie. Not really, though... May I please move on? Thank you.

I think all of that should have gone into the "my favorites" section. I've kinda lost track of this whole summary thing. No, I've absolutely lost track of this whole summary thing. Crapola. Well, there's a whole buncha other stuff to fill out. What the heck should I put here that I'm not going to mention there? Hell, this doesn't even tell me when I'm supposed to stop typing. This could theoretically go on for ever!

I suppose I could explain what I'm lookin for here, right. Sure, this is a good place for that. I'm lookin for a super awesome girl who's really unique, interesting, can hold her own in a conversation, who might want to shank someone cause they looked at them wrong. Someone who's totally ridiculous and totally over the top like I am. Wait, I think there's a section for this too. Oh, F this. I don't have to put up with this. I'm going to the next field.
What I’m doing with my life
Well, an actual topic to focus on!!! I used to sing in a prog rock band called Nostalgia. We broke up, but I'm hoping to find another project some time in the not too distant future. Just doin my own thing and playin my guitar for now. I work at Safeway and support some people that support other people who want to do things with stuff and don't know how. You know what I mean. Well, if you DO know what I mean, please tell me, cause I have NO idea. Oddly enough, I get paid for whatever it is I do (or don't do), so it works out well for me. Keep it up, Kevin. Keep it up (that's what she said... ouch).

I also occasionally do fire staff spinning performances at with the burning bush drum circle on first fridays, although it's been a while. What else am I doing. I'm also trying to get healthier and spend lots of time at the gym. I love to get out. I go to LA Fitness a lot for some good ol' cardio, weight lifting. I also so happen to love me some racquetball. I just love getting into that glass room and unleashing all of those big blue balls upon my partner (WIIIIIINK). The occasional gym session might be replaced with a hike on the weekend. I have been trying to dedicate more of my time to being out and active than sitting at home. I am up for playin just about any sport… but I'm not huge with watching sports. If you’re a huge sports nut… well… I’m just not that into it. Sorry Charlie. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you, it’s me. Ok... it's us... Is that better? Ok, it's neither you or me. There. Let's end this! Ok. no... it's really you.
I’m really good at
What am I good at. I'm good at tons of things. I'm good at writing pointless sentences to fill up space. I'm thinking that I might make a list instead of writing everything in a paragraph. by the way, what you're reading is a paragraph. What is directly below is NOT a paragraph. Don't fuck this up, you'll be making a big mistake! If you don't know what that means... you should read my whole profile! The reason for this sentence resides in the “The most private thing I'm willing to admit” section. Oh... What I'm good at. This should be fun, and, GO!


song writing


driving like a jerk

being an enabler (might not be good, but I'm good at it)

Bowling (well, relative to a 4 year old trying to bowl)

Not talking about giving great massages, because only perverts talk about that

throwing inanimate objects at inanimate objects

throwing inanimate objects at various life forms

throwing life forms at inanimate objects

throwing life forms at other life forms

eating pie

Throwing Pie

Building home theaters in my house because I can

not tieing my shoelaces when they come undone (although it seems to deeply bother OTHER people when it happens... to me... makes no sense really. Do they think I'm going to trip and fall on them? what do they care?!?!)

Writing sentences that seem to be paragraphs, but aren't, because the majority of the content is in parenthesis.

fixing peoples computers

trying to fix peoples computers, and then when I can't, make them panic that it's far worse than anything they could have possibly imagined

Poking people in the eyes

Listening to people (no, really)

being average at just about everything I do

Being fantastic at being sub par

typing with making more than average typos

Trying to garden (never said I'm good at gardening... just trying to do it)

Whittling wood down to little things that really just look like splintered wood.

drinking water

spitting water in someone's face when they tell a funny joke (or look funny)

Stereoscopic photography

writing about what I'm really good at
The first things people usually notice about me
I don't know. I've never noticed anything about me at first, cause the first time I ever came across myself was something like 25 years ago. What kind of question is this, anyway? No one else has really ever told me what they noticed about me. I'll just pretend I'm not me, and that I just met myself. I'd say "hey, I noticed your horrible fashion sense"! Wait, that's not a good thing to say. Nope, that's totally not what I want people to think about me before they meet me. Plenty of time to learn for themselves! lets go with "my eyes" sure. Why the hell not.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Hmmm, let me think here. I'm a big fan of terry Pratchett (RIP). Love the discworld series. I usually don't get into reading too many books, cause I get bored easily. I've shifted to audio books... so someone else can do all the work for me, I can zone out, and they don't won't know! Oh, and I do KNOW HOW to read, thank you very much. Read and write legibly for that matter. This stupid site insists that I'm "less verbaly inclined", which is total crap. Seriously, where on earth do I have to go to change that? This is totally unfair.

Time to discuss movies. I think Memento is one of my favs. I"ll watch just about anything with Will Ferrel in it. If it's funny, It's on! I'm in love with netflix as well. All the stupid moves I wanna watch for $9 a month?!? That's madness, I tell you! Simply MADNESS! There are some tv shows that I watch as well and might as well throw them in here. There's Family guy, Weeds, The Office, and heroes going through to the first couple seasons, anyways. haven’t seen the last ones, but they're getting a little silly. Shit. I already mentioned a bunch of tv shows I like in the first section. SHIT SHIT SHIT. Well, I can't go back and change it, now. Well, in all reality, I can... but F that.

Let's talk about Music! I love just about any music other than country and rap. My biggest influence in my own music would be, I'd have to say, Tool. I'll listen to anything from NIN to Billy Joel to Journey. I love the decemberists, too! I find that I'm very critical of bands if I don't appreciate their ability to sing well. While it doesn't exactly fall into "music", I do listen to NPR. I think it might be my only window into this silly world we live in. Sometimes, I think the world is far more stupid than it is silly. Well, at least the people are. The world is actually pretty darn nifty.

I have to tell you what food I like? Is this really happening? Is this of any real importance? Whatever you say, okcupid. I like most kinds of food. You decide what you want to eat, and I'm all for it. Actually, there is one thing I love to do. I will often give my server crazy tasks, like having them order me something that has no olives or pineapple. But I don't want them to tell me what it is. I want to be totally surprised. It's actually much more exciting than you'd think. Oh, I love sushi. I've got one thing to say, spicy tuna poke. mmmmmm.

So what’s up with this? Why can I only enter my favorite books, movies, music, and food? I mean, who is okcupid to decide what I can say here? I can tell you whatever I want about what my favorite things are! How about my favorite animals? It happens to be the uromastyx. Those guys are so damn cute with their little spiky tails! Go look it up. No, really. Go ahead. I'll wait.

And what about your favorite cartoons from when you were younger? Hows about Thundercats? Everyone loved shnarf! And you girls all know you totally wanted to do Liono. And what about Turboteen? Go google turboteen, you’ll be very disappointed with the results. Go ahead. Try it. Well, if you don’t recall, it’s a cartoon where these dudes turned into cars when they got wet. Now that I look back… that was a really stupid idea for a cartoon.

So what else can I write here about my favorite things? How about my favorite words? There are some words that are fun because of typos. For example, simply replacing the V with the key immediately to the left of it totally changes what someone might get out of the word “previous”. Other words such as minimal are also fun to say. What? That’s not a copout! Say it. It’s fun. Fine. It’s a copout (you'll understand what I'm talking about once you see the whole "hidden sentence" deal).
The six things I could never do without
Six things, huh? Why six? What if I wanted to put more than six? Do I get rewards or anything if I go above and beyond just the 6? You know... Like extra credit. I'm gonna put seven... just to break the rules. HA!

This is very important, so read on! Everything you read below is in simple sentence form. Now, gaze upon my marvelous necessities! This is, however, a paragraph. I'm Sure you know that, but I wanted to remind you in case you were not totally sure. I'm really nice like that. Actually, let's just say that the part about my projector is a paragraph. It's really made of quite a few sentences, if you'll notice. And the one about beer. I talk about beer a lot, and it's totally a paragraph.

My vocal chords, cause I sure do love to sing, but I"m sure that others would love it if I no longer had them.

my eyes, cause eyes are nice for looking at things n' stuff (the stuff being BLOWIN SHIT UP WITH LASERS).

Music, cause I love me some good music, but bad music, on the other hand, I can do without.

My fingers, cause they help me type, point, scratch, and poke people in the eyes.

My computer n' stuff cause I'm a geek, so sue me.

A wide variety of delicious beverages, what do you want from me, am I not allowed to like tasty treats?

My absolutely beautiful little boat at lake pleasant.

My pupperz Havok... because just look at that face!

Lots and lots of guitars... More guitars than I need... but I still feel like I could not live without them.

I think this is number ten, but I don't think I marked the others with numbers, so oh well. The completion of my home theater setup. My Projector is so awesome. I don't watch a lot of TV, but when I do, I prefer dos eqius. Oh. Sorry. That radio commercial was in my head. I actually don't even like Dos Equis. Actually, I'm going to list 11 things that I could never do without... but let's get back to the projector... yeah. It's a 105" 3D screen (glasses n' all, bitches). It's beautiful. That's about all I have to say about that. I wanted to apologize for the comment where I called you bitches. It was inappropriate, and I'm so very sorry.

Ending with the fourteenth (I think) is BEER (yes. I'm going to the 14th... cause I'm not a quitter!). But GOOD beer. Not bud or coors! I'm talkin some Widmer or 1554. Give me a sam adams boston or a kilt lifter. mmm. Now that's some luscious stuff right there!
oh... and I'll add a 17th... my friends. In case one of them ends up reading this for some crazy reason, I don't want them to feel left out. Some of them owe me money, and it's in my best interest to keep them around if I wanna ever get paid back. You know how it is. Wait... do you? Oh. I get it. You're one of the money BORROWERS. I see how you are. Gimme my damn money!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
More, huh? Recently.. and I mean as in the past minute or so... I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much longer it's going to take to finish this at the rate I've been writing. I estimate... no math. never mind. Hmm. to be serious though.... I think a lot about writing music and singing. and cookies. Stubbing my, to, too. Let's not forget about robocop and the terminator. They've earned it. and i think a lot about my very close friends whom I love and care for very much.
On a typical Friday night I am
See if there’s time to head to gym. If so, lift some weights. Do some cardio. Play some racquetball.

Drive home. Take shower.

Beyond that, it really depends on whether or not I'm gonna head out to the lake. I usually pack up early and drive out to scorpion bay marina. Stop off at the store on the way to pickup enough food for the weekend and camp out on my boat all weekend with a buncha friends. Sit out on the dock and drink, play guitar n' sing, and cook up something on the grill or smoker, and maybe take the paddle boat out for a bit of a night cruise around the marina. Maybe take the boat over to pleasant marina to see what's goin on over there. Dinner at Dillon's is always welcome! Yeah. You can be jealous.

If the lake doesn't happen, I'll most likely play some guitar a bit at home. Hang out with friends... go to some bar... maybe play some rockband or watch a movie or somethin on my FREAKIN HUGE screen at home with friends. If I can't find anyone to hang out with, I might be chillin on my computer playin some games (also known as "Gaming"). Get on this stupid site to see if there's any cute, awesome girls to chat with. I also like to play laser tag. I actually have my own set of like.... 20 guns/vests. It's all very advanced and whatnot. I love getting friends together and having huge lasertag battles in the park. Good, healthy, fun times for all.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Note: someone told me that they thought the above was implying that I like to get bitten, and that's the one private thing I was sharing. Maybe it's true, but that's not what I was getting at. Don't look too into it. Just saying that I'm not gonna tell a bunch of weird strangers a bunch of stuff about me that they should be learning through our marvelous conversations. I mean... hows about I just type up every private detail about myself right here, and then just say "you wanna know really private things about me??? Best go read my super awesome fantastic endless profile and check out the "The most private thing I'm willing to admit here" section. All the answers are there. I'm no longer a mystery to you, and you should now feel like you've known me my whole life. good for you. Aren't you just the most awesome person to have ever existed!

You know what... I'm the most awesome person to ever have existed! do you know why???? Let me tell you why! I'm going to put something private in here about me. oh yes... but I'm gonig to hide it, and you're going to have to seek it out. Muahahahahahahha. Here's how you can find it.

For each paragraph in this whole bucha crap I've written... I've added a specific word. When the powers of these words are combined to form a super sentence (it's really a normal sentence, I just choose to call it a super sentence cause I want it to sound... well... super!), you will finally know this supposed "private thing" about me. The idea is... you will have to move one paragraph, sentence and word forward for each word you look for until you find the word "ending", which means that the sentence is complete. This means that the third word will be in the third sentence of the third paragraph. Oh... but it's not that easy! After word ten... the sentences and words will be going backwards! OH YEAH! Yes. that means that word 12 will actually be paragraph 12, sentence 8, and will be the 8th word! ENJOY!
You should message me if
Hmm. You should message me if you're a fun, intelligent, optimistic girl that actually read through all of that crap up there and enjoyed reading it... Cause that's me. No Debbie downers! Also... I really do prefer someone who enjoys playing music... whether it be guitar, piano, violin... singing... whatever. I love jammin with people. Not totally necessary, but if you are... we could have that much more fun.

Oh... and very important. VERY IMPORTANT. You have to be healthy... as in you LIKE going to the gym and getting out/movin' around. Goin on some hikes would be awesome. It's really important to me, and if it's not something you're into doing optimistically... it can't work out.

I'm sort of an extreme enabler. I will do almost anything friend or girlfriend wants to do. On the other hand, if it's someone that's crazy healthy and loves to bike ride, hike, go to the gym... I'm right there. every time. I'm up for anything. On the other hand, if it's something that's unhealthy, I'll take part in it. This doesn't mean that I don't have a conscience or understanding of what is good vs bad for me. It's that I'm overly supportive of people and what it is they're interested in doing. That can either make me very healthy, or be horribly unhealthy for me. This goes in both directions. If I'm with someone that enjoys eating healthy and working out, I will try to get them to go on hikes and work out and eat healthy... because I know it's what they want. I will sometimes do the same if someone likes to sit around, eat shit, and watch TV all night. It may not be what I want, but it makes them happy. I need to avoid putting myself into situations where I exhibit this sort of unhealthy behavior.
So, though it's difficult for be to be overweight and to say that I want to meet someone that's healthy and fit, it's not because of them being attractive or not. I want to be sure to support that sort of very healthy lifestyle and take part in it.