I do not have a college degree; I attended UMass Amherst for computer science, but had a very rough time personally. I have spent years analyzing what I could have done better academically, but I know that in the end it would not have mattered. I have been taking night classes off and on (currently off) at a local community college in a different field, but I am not sure if I will pursue the associate’s degree they offer or move on with my life.
I am not very outgoing. I am not antisocial, just not so good at social. I do not enjoy large parties, crowds, concerts, fairs, cities, conventions, or clubs. I often prefer enjoying company in silence over awkward small talk if there is nothing to talk about. I like a nice small gathering of a few close friends.
I enjoy video games and I see nothing wrong with this. I am not the type to stay up until 2 am screaming into a headset every night, but video games are one of my preferred forms of personal entertainment. I prefer immersive single player games and cooperative games with friends, I am not a fan of competitive online games. I also know enough that people who have no interest in playing a game have just as little interest in hearing about it, and I will try not to ramble.
I am not religious. I was raised Catholic, I have some very Catholic cousins, but I never really believed. Maybe God exists, maybe God does not exist, I don't know, I identify as agnostic (Don't tell my cousins!). I let people believe what they what to believe, so long as it is not hurtful or hate filled. I try to live the best I can, always try to give other people the benefit of a doubt and to treat them as I hope they would treat me.
I am inexperienced in love.
First we have the problem that I do not like doing the things people do to meet people.
Second; I try to error on the side of “not creepy” when I talk to someone I might be interest in which tends to look identical to “not interested”.
I see a lot of women say in their profiles that they want “a man who knows what he wants.” I am not sure I even know what that means anymore.
In a relationship I think I want a best friend. Something based more on empathy and mutual understanding than lust and a need to feel special. I want someone I can trust with all the insecurities and feelings I keep hidden inside, and someone who will trust me with their own.
In life in general? I honestly do not know. I think I did once, but I missed that boat years ago.
I have a full time job with stable hours but occasional overtime. I have recently started in a new position at the company I have been with since 2011, and I hope this will lead to even better opportunities for my career in the coming years. It is not at all what I had hoped for or expected back in high school, but I find the work interesting, challenging, and I am paid fairly.
I want to buy a house within the next year. While I look for a house to buy I am living with my parents. I am taking my time looking for the right place and believe it is best to not rush. I realize a man my age should be well beyond living with his parents, but renting makes no sense when I can save that money for whatever updates, repairs, and furniture the new place will need.
I am undecided on whether or not I want to have kids. I am leaning towards the side of wanting kids, but I have my concerns. I worry that I am too old, and I worry if I will be a good parent, but I also worry who will be there for me when I get old and who will remember me if I do not have kids?
I have mixed emotions about dating a single mother, but the most prevalent emotion would be terror. How do I suddenly jump into a kid's life? Will they accept me? I know little about children; what if I screw up and they get hurt? On the more selfish side; will I be able to get the attention I need in a relationship with a woman who already has children?
I have a car, but I am not a car guy. I drive a small sedan because that is all I really need right now. I like the fuel efficiency, and I do not like driving large vehicles anyway. Some guys see giant trucks as manly and powerful, but if they're just being used as personal transportation I think they're just inflated ego.
I find travel stressful. I can have issues with car sickness if I am not driving, and even with a GPS I feel nervous when driving on unfamiliar streets. I tend to get very sick on planes and ocean travel has proven to be unpleasant. When vacationing I like to have some kind of plan, even if the plan is just breakfast then wander around a museum or a park.
I have been overweight, and conscious of it, as far back as I can remember. Partly genetics, partly activity level, and a life of not eating so healthy. (Eating healthy would be easier if they'd stop changing the rules!) I know I will never be thin, and significant long term weight loss is not likely, but I am trying to eat better and exercise.
I may never buy you roses. I see flowers in a vase and all I see is a reminder of mortality; that what is beautiful today can be rotten and wilted in a week. Then the cat eats them and throws up on the couch. I would prefer to give something practical or chocolate, maybe chocolate roses.
If our culture says I must buy diamonds I would prefer to buy them lab made.
I have no interest in professional sports or reality TV. I do not care about celebrities; I may enjoy the work of some but little beyond that. The famous attention seekers just irritate me.
Really, I barley watch TV at all.
I drink very little alcohol. While I see nothing wrong with a drink with dinner, or a few with friends, I think drinking to “get smashed” is kind of dumb.
I am very anti-recreational drug use. I think it is irresponsible and disrespectful to yourself.
I try to be reliable and dependable. I think it is basic courtesy to make your best effort to be on time and to do what you say you will do. No one is perfect, and if I think I will be significantly late or can not make a commitment then I will let the appropriate people know.
I do not really believe in alternative medicine. Again, I try to respect the beliefs of other people, but (to steal someone else's observation) if a treatment is proven then they just call it “Medicine” and not an “Alternative.” See your chi master, shaman, medicine man, say your prayers, and arrange your mystic niknaks, whatever comforts you, but let's also see a medical specialist with a degree from an accredited institution covered by our insurance.
Speaking of medicine, vaccines are good. I am siding with the army of medical professionals and researchers on this one and ignoring the hand full of famous people with no medical knowledge.
Speaking of armies of researchers; NASA says climate change is a thing.
I usually do not go on about myself this much. I do not have a Facebook page, I am not on Twitter, I do not upload videos to YouTube. I do not like having my picture taken, and hate hearing recordings of my voice. I just often feel self conscious and a bit embarrassed. I rarely like being the center of attention.
I think I put a lot of heart into this section. By now most of the people that think I am a worthless looser have left. There is no one to blame there; I can't have 100,000 soul-mates, right?
I have answered a lot of the profile questions, and left an explanation or a comment on many of them. There are a lot of details there that I left out here, if you've made it this far maybe take a look and decide if I am at least a likable looser?
I am not manly, I am not mighty.
I try, but I hesitate, and too often it is not good enough.
I am me, and I hope that I am at least adequate.
All of this “I this, I that” is driving me nuts.
Okay, done with trying to keep things brief, not that I was doing a good job of that anyway.
I work for a company that sells metal working tools. The new position I mentioned earlier is a skilled labor position modifying or reconditioning the tools we sell. I like the company I work for, even if there is some drama between departments, and I hope to work myself into a leadership position as the shop grows. If that doesn't work I could always try to learn to juggle flaming hammers.
Fire and/or hammers solve most problems.
Well, solve in the sense that you are now trying to fix different problems.
Between work and class I have not spent much time lately on hobbies. I had mentioned earlier that I hope to buy a house this year, and I expect that I will find a new hobby in fixing up whatever I end up buying. I am hardly a carpenter, but I am not hopeless with tools. I spend a little time here and there looking through a few do it yourself books and websites.
Most of them would discourage the use of fire for home improvement, but maybe a fireplace would be nice.
I like trying to fix things that break before I replace them. If I can not fix the things then I will try to identify other ways that they can be useful before I throw them out. I am not always successful, and it may take me a few months to set aside enough time to do the fixing, but sometimes all you need is some research and a $30 part to fix the $500 thing.
Maybe holding my tongue when angry. A shouting match has never solved anything. Maybe my patience has not been tested enough, but I like to think that if I am mad it is because I care about something and that if I am frustrated I am not at my best and more prone to making mistakes.
The next thing might be that I am not much of a talker, and that I stumble over my words more than average. Maybe it is just my imagination, but I seem to get tongue tied, or I talk too fast and the sentence hasn't formed fully in my mind before a buffer under-run error occurs in my mouth.
Um, was this supposed to be something more flattering? Like “I have a nice smile” or “They notice that I do not smell like cauliflower”?
Wait, do I have a nice smile?
I am at least certain about not smelling like cauliflower.
I used to wear shorts to work in the winter, even when it was freezing out and we had mountains of snow. People would comment on that a lot. A coworker and I kind of had an unofficial challenge going to see who would make it the longest. With the new position I can not do that any more, but I do still wear plain boring tee shirts daily. Now coworkers comment that it is weird to not see me in shorts in the snow.
I am not really into modern drama very much, or zombies, vampires, horror, fantasy, sitcoms, crime/detective shows, talk shows, celebrities, or... I guess I am really not much into TV or movies.
I used to like science fiction, but most of the new shows with decent writing and production values have been too dark for my tastes, and a lot of shows do not age well.
Some of my friends are really into Doctor Who and Game Of Thrones, but I really can not get into them. I watch knowing that I am entertaining myself watching interesting and complex people die.
I like Monty Python, I can definitely say that.
I have a collection of DVDs that are still unwatched in their original wrapping. Some are movies that I wanted to see, some are shows that I watched on TV years ago. I have told myself that I am not allowed to buy any more until I watch them (but then buy more anyway). Even in the age of digital and streaming I like to have a physical copy.
I liked anime when I first went to college, my first attempt at college. Looking back I think a big part of it was the novelty, and while there are a few series that I think back to fondly, a lot of what I was fascinated with was kind of cheesy. If you are into anime maybe I would revisit, if not then I will probably not bring it up.
For music I want to say that the artist's image is not important to me and all that matters is the music, but that is only partially true. Image can drive me away from artists that I might have enjoyed. I really can't stand the egos of rappers and pop stars. Too much “dark and/or edgy” makes me turn away from most rock and metal, yet some band are too safe, mass market, and bland. Once I decide I like an artist or band I try to not pay any attention to them, other than to their music, and hope that they don't do or say anything stupid.
I am not sold on Country music. I have a coworker that is really into it and plays the local radio station often, but they seem to mostly play pop songs about trucks and alcohol. I would call it the “Drinking and Driving” channel, but I understand the importance of being diplomatic in the workplace.
Going on about what I don't like seems to be easier than figuring out what I do like. Not really a fan of songs about drinking or getting high. Not really a fan of love songs that are really just about sex. Love songs written by a star on their third divorce or a star too young to know what commitment means are also questionable. I may have a soft spot for love songs that say “you have been part of my life so long I can't imagine life without you.”
I think I found some of my favorite songs through movies and video games (yeah, not hiding that nerdy thing very well). Sometimes I already associate the song with a thing that I like, and when I hear the song I think of the thing I like, so I like the song too. Then again, there are also artists I found through a movie and I try to forget that I ever watched the movie because it was awful.
So, artists I like? This is hardly an exhaustive list. Evanescence helped with the bad times, some Tom Petty, Shinedown, and Judas Priest for the normal times. I grew up on Phil Collins, Elton John, Billy Joel, David Bowie, The Beetles, and Fleetwood Mac. I enjoy The Megas; they took music from one of my favorite games when I was a kid and added lyrics. Lately I have been getting into Led Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and a little Black Veil Brides because I need something semi-current.
Of course a few of my current favorite songs are from artists that I would not otherwise say that I am really in to. “Crazy Train” by Ozzy, “I Believe” performed by Melissa Hollick for the soundtrack for Wolfenstein: The New Order, “In Circles” from the soundtrack to Transistor, “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas, “The Unforgiven” 1, 2, and 3 from Metallica, and I'm listing “I'm Alive” from Disturbed for some uplifting after the depressing songs. Like most people I could probably go on for hours. Stopping to find each song in my play list, and listening to them, probably isn't helping me get through this section...
I really do not like seafood. Not sure what to say here.
I like tacos and curry? Usually not together, but it could just work...
I do not usually go for the really spicy stuff.
I usually avoid fast food. I pack a lunch for work most days, and if I do decide to go out for lunch I want to treat myself to something better than the dollar menu..
I sometimes cook a big pot of jambalaya and freeze lunch size portions to bring to work.
I grew up on Italian-American cooking so I need to like pasta, red sauce, and mozzarella.
I enjoy tea but do not like coffee, which is unfortunate considering the colorful coffee culture we have in the US.
My computer - internet included. Chatting with friends, reading articles and comics online, watching movies, finding new music, access to all the accumulated human knowledge, and wasting millions of CPU cycles rendering highly detailed bad guys and the explosions I apply to their faces.
Spell checkers - Spelling is not one of my strong points, and the ability to not look like a complete idiot when writing important emails or documents (or an entry about spell checkers) is fantastic.
Personal Hygiene - I have a hard time getting going in the morning before I have my shower. I mentioned above that I am a bit shy and I like being agreeable; smelling bad is not agreeable and draws the bad kind of attention!
Music - I have little talent myself, but I love to play music in the car and at home. I do appreciate good headphones and a quality recording.
Hoping to meet #6
Sometimes with lasers
I sometimes get to use a laser at work, but no giant robotic crabs.
On a typical Friday night I am boring.
I am usually just at home relaxing. Sometimes video games, sometimes just wasting time on the internet.
I will occasionally go out with friends, or meet up with friends somewhere for board games, but it is getting harder to match schedules with people.
That said, this has been a bit easier than writing a resume and cover letter.
I try to convince myself that I am content with where my career is heading and where I am now. Sometimes it works, sometimes I wonder if I would be happier or miserable had I earned that degree, and sometimes I can't see my successes through all my failures.
I'm also wondering why I see so many profiles basically say "OMG! I'M NOT SHARING ANYTHING PRIVATE TO THE INTERNETS!" then publicly answering thirty questions about their sexual history and kinks. Won't talk about what is in their head, to let a potential soul mate see a glimmer of the real person inside, because that's private, but will talk all about what is in their pants for the creepers?
I am looking for something long term and stable. I want someone that will be my life long friend, who can challenge me intellectually, help me grow emotionally, and knows how to push me gently.
Or if you do not think we are a good match but understand how "Special Blend" works on the OkCupid search page you could also send me a message explaining it; I have received 0% matches as the first search result and I am not so sure that is the kind of special relationship I want to pursue.