Clearly I am going to have to do this on my own.
I'm literary and political. I think about right brain stuff with my left brain, and left brain stuff with my right. My high school aptitude test said I should be a philologist. I've smoked pot twice: once with Allen Ginsburg and once with pygmies in the Congo. I care about the way sentences are put together, the secrets to making a good paper airplane, and the fate of the seahorse. I sometimes wonder what line of poetry or prose I would get tattooed on me, were I the sort to do that sort of thing. Oh, and I have a daughter, adopted from China. The first time we met, I felt I had my whole life been a bell, and not known it until at that moment I was lifted and struck.
Destroying observation, such as "Do you dance in the car!
If you've never been hurt, like, love
There is no way to play, do not ask
Live like it's heaven and on earth.
Using "Whom." This is--and I'm not making this up--supposed to be catnip to the ladies. A recent study showed that "men who use 'whom' in their profiles are 37% more likely to get responses, regardless of whether they used it correctly." So to all you lonely ladies out there: Whom loves you, baby?
But, fwiw, I have crushes on Zadie Smith, Tina Fey, Elizabeth Warren, and Christina Hendricks; love the writings of Alice Munro and Donald Justice; and rock out to Glenn Gould and Sergei Rachmaninoff. I read and reread the first two pages of the Sun Also Rises and the last three of Ulysses; groove to the music of Rachel's and Toumani Diabate; and recalibrate my sanity via liberal doses of Jon Stewart and Paul Krugman. My fortress of solitude is located on an island off the coast of Kenya. And I like trees, both sedulous and seditious.
You're in this to get out of it, permanently. I am.