56San Diego, United States
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My self-summary
What am I looking for? First and foremost, what I think I’m really looking for is someone to play with. Someone who enjoys playing games of all sorts: board and card games, role-playing games, computer games, and so forth. Someone who likes going to interesting and amusing places, whether they are street fairs, museums, science fiction conventions, historical landmarks, or theme parks (I just got a Sea World annual pass and would love to find someone who likes hanging out there occasionally). Someone who enjoys costumes and dressing up sometimes just for the hell of it. Someone who doesn’t feel guilty about occasionally “wasting” a whole day binge-watching a favorite television series or having a movie marathon. Someone with a versatile sense of humor, who enjoys everything from sophisticated wordplay and subtle satire to slapstick and awful puns. Someone who understands life is far too serious to take too seriously.

Who am I? I'm a big guy, sometimes a bit loud, but usually pretty introverted. I'm an old-school science fiction fan, computer and gadget fan, and gamer -- I was a geek way before it was cool. I like science and history, am politically liberal, agnostic, and usually casual. I've been single for longer than I prefer to say, probably mainly because I spend most of my time in public with my nose in a book (well, an e-reader, these days) and am not socially aggressive. I am not overly physically active, I confess, though I can enjoy walks and am trying to get into bicycling again in a small way, and I like to swim (or at least be in the water). I like simple food and superhero movies, although I’m happy to try more highbrow stuff from time to time. My main hobbies are reading, games, and generally puttering about on the internet. I like interesting political discussion but not hostile arguments. I’m interested in religion but not particularly in joining one.

And, before I go further, disclosure time: I am an occasional cross-dresser who enjoys being a woman (or girl) once in a while. In recent years, for practical reasons, I haven’t been able to engage in this to any real degree, but that doesn’t mean that the desire to do so isn’t there or that I won’t resume when the opportunity comes up. I am flexible about how this can fit into a relationship, but it has had a major part in shaping who I am (it’s given me more sympathy and respect for people who are ‘different’ in any respect, made me favor people’s rights to be who they want and do what they want as long as it isn’t hurting others – it’s also a large contributing factor in my social shyness and made me tend to be pretty secretive about my personal life, particularly among co-workers) and it’s not something that is going to go away. In short, I can’t imagine a relationship working out with someone who couldn’t at least accept, and preferably to some degree embrace that part of my life.

(I’ve had messages from women who admired my courage in being up-front about this – none of whom were interested in actually dating – but to be honest, it’s almost exactly the opposite of that: I’d much rather someone read that and decided not to contact me, than to meet someone, get to know and like her, and *then* have to explain it to her….*that* takes more guts than I generally have.)

I should probably add here, too, without going into detail, that when I say I’m looking for someone to play with, in the long run, that applies to the bedroom, too.

But in the longer run, what I want is a partner. I want to be part of an "us." I want someone who actually wants to talk to me every day. To go places and do things I might not ordinarily be interested in, knowing I will enjoy them because she's with me - and to take places I enjoy and want to share them with someone new. To support and comfort, and be supported and comforted by. To write notes to that others might find corny or silly, and to not care what they think. To laugh with, cry on, touch and be touched by, to trade snarky whispers or text messages, to look in the eyes and know that everything is all right. To be passionate with -- about our interests, our causes, and each other. To call on the phone for no other reason than because hearing her voice makes the day better.

Things I think you might like about me:

I'm tall. (Hey, that's important to some people.)

I have an award-winning sense of humor. No, really, I won an award once. :) I enjoy all sorts of humor, from the cornball to the edgy, slapstick to sophisticated satire. In some ways, I take humor seriously -- sometimes it's the only thing that wards off despair. Other times, it's just, well, fun. I'll probably make you laugh occasionally, and if you can make me laugh, it'll probably be instant infatuation. (Really, it's happened.)

I'm affectionate. I like touching. I like snuggling. I like trading backrubs. I love having my hair ruffled. (I've got lots of hair.) I'm not embarrassed to hold hands in public. If you fit well in laps, you'll have a reserved seat.

I enjoy conversation, on all manner of topics. Serious, silly, personal, abstract, important, trivial, subjects I know a lot about and subjects where I know very little but am willing to learn or speculate. I'm told I'm a good listener -- I'm not actually sure of this but apparently I can simulate one well enough to suit most people. :)

Honesty. I kind of hate even saying that, really, because what's the point? If I'm not honest, I'd probably lie and say I was. What used car lot or corrupt politician has "Not particularly honest" in their advertising? But really, I try to be honest. (And not the kind of honesty some people use as a license to be offensive, either.)

I'm generally pretty easy-going. Sure, I get stressed now and then, upset from time to time, but usually, I move past it pretty quickly, particularly in good company.

My tastes in most things -- music, movies, games, travel destinations, books, TV shows, and the like -- are varied enough that it's pretty likely we can find common ground. And also pretty likely we'll have some stuff to learn from each other, too.

Things about me that might be a bit more problematic, depending on you:

I'm a fussy eater. I tend to like foods simple and separated, rather than all mixed together. I am apt to go into your more upscale eating places, browse the menu for a bit, and ask, "Don't they have any actual food here?" Chasing after exotic foods is not something I'm generally apt to do, so if you talk me into trying that Thai/Mexican/Somali Fusion place everyone's been talking about, you'll know I must really like you...

I sing...and, well, not particularly well (though not as badly as I once did). I like to sing along with the car stereo or whatever I'm listening to. If you want to sing duets, please drop me a line! If you want me to shut up so you can hear the actual performers once in a while....you may have to say so now and then. :)

Remember the bit above about telling stories, but not usually mine? Well, if you hang around me long enough, there are certain people whose lives and anecdotes you're going to learn about whether you want to or not. :) I have innumerable stories about Isaac Asimov, the Marx Brothers, Linda Ellerbe, Mark Evanier, Richard Feynman, and assorted astronauts that tend to figure into my conversations pretty often. I think they're pretty good stories, mind you...I'm just warning you.

I'm not what is usually described as "financially secure." My income meets my needs on a day-to-day basis, with some left over for fun, and I'm doing better currently than I have in some years, but I'm not going to be able to retire at 55 to a lush estate in the country.

And I do suffer from depression. I am being treated for it and that keeps the worst of it off, but there will be times when small things can trigger a burst of sadness or wistfulness. It usually doesn’t last long.


Since I've been told I don't always appreciate my own qualities, I solicited testimonials from some friends who have known me for many years. Here you go:

"Rob is kind and loyal, able
to offer sympathy and support,
dependable and true. There is
not a single 'phony' bone in this
man's body or soul. His integrity
is unquestioned."
- SS

"I hate to say Rob's a great guy, because it
sounds so cliche. But, honestly, he is. He's
got a great sense of humor, very intelligent,
and one of my favorite people to be around.
He's also as dependable as they come. He's
really a terrific friend, and I'd say anyone
would be lucky to have him!

On the down side, he's pretty tall, and I hate
that about him. He also mixes sweeteners, which
drives me totally insane. Anyone else I would
have cast to the roadside, but because he's
such a great guy, I overlook these critical

"Having known Rob for most of his life, I know
that everyone will probably mention his
wonderful sense of humor, and his high
intelligence. What is less obvious is that he
stands by his friends, even to the point of
tactfully telling them the truths they don't
want to hear but must hear. If you need him, he
will be there for you. And, unlike many bright
people, Rob uses that fine mind; he reads as
much as anyone else I know, and in a broad area
rather than a narrow one. He cares passionately
about politics and government without being an
extremist, and he is in touch with much of
popular culture. Yet despite all of this, he
cannot be complete of himself; he needs people,
and he needs a woman to love him. He's a
complex man with a lot to explore, and he is
absolutely worthy of your time."
What I’m doing with my life
Wondering why you have to do something with your life. Wouldn't it be enough to just enjoy it while it lasts? (Not that I'm very good at doing that, either...)

But, I'm occupying my time and my mind. Reading. Watching stuff on Netflix. Eating ice cream when I can. Enjoying the company of the people who enjoy mine. And trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
I’m really good at
Expressing myself. And procrastinating.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm big. I can be loud, usually not on purpose.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Everything by Christopher Moore (particularly "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" and "A Dirty Job"), "Harpo Speaks!" and most books about The Marx Brothers. Science fiction, history, biography, and things that are fun.
Movies: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Apollo 13, Ghostbusters, Casablanca, The Life of Brian, The Incredibles (and all Pixar films so far), Marvel's various superhero films, Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame, Swimming to Cambodia
Shows: This Week Tonight with John Oliver, Marvel's "Agents of SHIELD", Futurama.
Music: The Beatles, classic rock in general, 80's, "Weird Al" Yancovic, most things that are slightly "off"
Food: Ice cream.
Six things I could never do without
At least three of them are probably my sense of humor. Then, friends, books, and the internet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why people won't read Christopher Moore books no matter how much I urge them to. The man is a fucking genius.
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably puttering on the computer, watching videos, sometimes lucky enough to be out with friends
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I can get pretty emotional and tear up over almost any movie if I am in the mood.
You should message me if
You like good conversations, reasonably-priced food, games, spirited discussions without hostility, tall guys, Sea World, or Disneyland.
The two of us