32 Brooklyn, United States
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My self-summary
Sharp tongue, gold heart, filthy mind.
What I’m doing with my life
Writing, sex educating (for a living, as a legitimate profession, it's real, okay?), making questionable decisions, giving a shit about humanity, impromptu road tripping, bowling, getting into fights with misogynists.
I’m really good at
Constantly being recognized in public from my OKCupid profile, which is not at all weird or disconcerting.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Is that pencil really holding all your hair up? What happened to your eyebrow? You sure have a lot of opinions. Nice rack."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I refuse to participate in this wankery, and I'm not reading any of yours either.
The six things I could never do without
High fives, thumbs ups, fist bumps, middle fingers, metal fingers, gun fingers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Dude watch this "original video" of Kenny Rogers' The Gambler and just TRY to have a bad day: http://youtu.be/Jj4nJ1YEAp4

(Spoiler alert: he pulls money out of his pants!)
On a typical Friday night I am
Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to look for the remote control under my couch.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've been obsessively into beards/facial hair since forever...even before I moved to Brooklyn. Also, I'm super into cats and I will stop and squeal over every little doggie I see on the street. You're gonna have to be okay with this.
You should message me if
A benevolent friend with super OKCupid powers has graciously expanded my previously perpetually full inbox, so now it's anybody's game. Give it your best shot, funbuns, but don't get all sad panda on me if I don't write back. We're all well aware that ladies on here are completely inundated, yes? Yes. If we mutually star each other...things are about to get western.

This is where my profile name comes from, just so you all stop embarrassing yourselves by asking me why I hate soda so much: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1oLfqTnDWc

Dudes who aren't willing to be matched with women over 30 when you're over 30 yourselves are...real special.