I've had the pleasure of meeting many wonderful women over the past few years, but it seems that most women are unaware that men want to be the hero, to provide the woman with a fun, fulfilling experience. When a man asks a woman what she wants, and she tells him, she's empowered him and he will love you for it. Trust me.
Here's a real example...
"Hey Ryan, I'm free from 4/22 to 4/29 in the afternoons
Not 4/25 though
Afternoons and evenings
If we get food, I like italian :)
Otherwise, walking around a park is nice
And I like pretty much all the cafes on Castro st, so we can do one of those too"
I'm a big picture, conceptual, possibility person with a practical, pragmatic bent. I cry regularly at the poignancy of life, and with each passing day I'm becoming more human, more man, more me. And that feels really good. Apparently paradoxes are lost on OKC's algo's: deeply compassionate but only a tad kinky, rarely arrogant and definitely not sloppy (look at my drawers for Martha's sake).
I'm complex, paradoxical, high energy/low energy (hungry or sleep-deprived), sensitive/insensitive (at times), honest conversation-er, rule breaker/rule maker, critical thinker, 2/3 dork / 1/3 cool, lover of all things small, minimalist, experiential, philosophical, anarchic (let's start with the central bankers and financiers), early adopter, lover of beauty, live by intuition, enjoy being different, forever questioning convention.
Spent my 20's in MN and CO getting fired from my first three jobs, working in speciality coffee, going to concerts, having the best time in grad school, being immature, getting into debt during the dot com trading stocks and doing every kinda outdoor sport - backpacking, climbing 40+ mountains, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, ice climbing, rock climbing, trail running, road biking, mountain biking, downhill skiing (don't ask me to go with you; I suck).
30's in CO and CA working my ass off in sales to pay off that debt and save money, yogaing, getting married and divorced, road tripping through every state in the West, starting a business, climbing in CA, WA and Bolivia, living part-time at Cafe Venetia, traveling overseas, backpacking here, there and everywhere, hut-to-hut snowshoeing, meditation retreats and endless Dharma talks.
Though it's not always so, I'm truly in love with life, and I've been the most content I've ever been. Becoming comfortable with being alone is empowering and how absolutely fucking awesome it is not to rely on anyone else for our happiness. The owner of a vagina will not determine my happiness; I will. I've traveled by myself, backpacked by myself, climbed mountains like Shasta by mybself, and I don't need to apologize for it or feel even slightly awkward about it. I'm a whole person on my own. Okay, maybe that's only 80% true...but I'm working hard on the other 20.
Mornings are my favorite: grad student biking to Stanford with coffee in hand; sun between the branches; quick chats with the woman who walks her dog; twisting rosemary in my fingers and bringing it up to my nose. It's eminently magical to be alive. This gift we've been given...for now.
Not sure if ready to risk my heart so let's start with friends..and see where it goes.
Currently on sabbatical pedal to the metal exploring, experimenting, tinkering, writing, cartooning, healing childhood wounds (tried spiritual end-run, didn't work) and accumulated injuries, developing a healthy relationship with money, experimenting with food and becoming confident in the kitchen, studying meyers-briggs and enneagram, lots 'o Dharma talks, pushing the edge sexually (who knew women loved being tossed like a salad?), reading a book a week and figuring out what career to pursue next - creative, spiritual, giving back or join another startup.
~ Getting up at 5am to start the day with meditation, Dharma talk while walking, reading, journaling (personal, investing, dreams) and writing gratitudes and intentions. "My morning sun is the drug that brings me near."
~ Going to weekly men's group to talk about life - good, bad and ugly - with honesty, authenticity and vulnerability. Let me tell you, feeling and talking about feelings is fucking hard for a man.
~ Volunteer reading to a kiddo at a local grade school.
~ Learning to dissolve my projections and face my wounds.
~ Making money running a consulting business and trading financials (finally, long road).
~ Fantasizing about putting my minimalist stuff in storage and moving into a tiny cottage to meditate, write and cartoon all day. Or moving overseas to learn a foreign culture and Spanish ou apprendre francais pour parler comme une vache espanol.
~ Hanging laundry a la 50's, throwing compost behind the bushes (shh, don't tell my landlord), mending my clothes (f'in moths) and jaywalking.
~ Straddling the paradox of ambition and peace.
~ Taking care of my body - eating well (since high school), 7+ hours sleep and either at the gym for cardio, stretching and sauna or outside running, hiking or just walking. Lately doing martial arts and ballet.
~ Coaching my sister who has difficulty with practical stuff and emotional regulation.
~ Hosting creative, intelligent, entrepreneurial couchsurfers from around the world - France, Egypt, Germany, Spain, Australia, Iceland, India, Belgium, New Zealand, Finland, Russia, China, Mexico and Canada so far. Racking up a worldwide roster of sofas!
Making lists, lists and more lists!
Making deep, meaningful connections wherever I go.
Having a direct, honest conversation.
Following my folly. I'm insatiably curious and forever indulging my interests, senses, mind and body.
Laughing at myself and not taking things personally or myself too seriously.
Getting my needs met
Guessing where a disembarking plane just came came from.
Dancing with life and living from the death of the experience.
Oddly, whatever I'm buying or doing today often becomes wildly popular years later. Rock climbing, road biking, dark chocolate, down sweaters, organic food, trail running, yoga, Dutch bikes, dark chocolate, fixie bikes, quinoa, kale to name a few.
Learning. There's never a moment where I'm not absorbing knowledge, information, seeing patterns and learning about men, women, being human, relationships, nutrition, art, language, exercise, financials, money, entrepreneurship, alpinism, geography, fashion, zeitgeist, etc.
Navigating the backcountry like a professional guide and swearing up a storm at Siri as my mind inevitably goes into sensory overload driving in the city.
Singing like Morrissey and Sting, imitating people and unintentionally making people laugh.
Recently heard the following...
~ "You're a really smart, fun and funny guy...and definitely not slick."
~ "Fascinating conversationalist."
Anything intelligent - humor, drama, sexy, noir. Just finished MadMen; so damn good. I had to laugh at the last episode as Don is becoming more like me and I more like him.
Absolutely love music – again, anything intelligent.
Just finished "Early Retirement Extreme - A philosophical and practical guide to financial independence" and "The Truth - An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships"
+ Movement. The contrast between the speed of running and the stillness of trees, the surge of catching a wave, the burning legs and lungs of climbing, the silence of snow in winter, the perfect joy of playing in water.
+ Learning. Forever curious, tinkering, experimenting, reading, studying, listening, growing, evolving, maturing.
+ Sensate experience. Taste: food, single origin coffee, wine, cheese, beer, chocolate. Sound: music, birds, laughter. Touch: skin contact, hugs, caress, kissing, water, sex. Smell: freshly baked bread, coffee, freshly cleaned clothes, mint, pine, coconut, sea...could go on forever Sight: female face, female body, morning light, coastlines, mountains, blanket of snow, hummingbirds, beautiful architecture, trees...could go on forever.
+ Intimacy. Emotional, touch, laughing, sex, socializing, sharing, crying. Simply nothing better than human connection. "To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." ~ Dogen
+ Fun & Adventure. Road trips, backpacking, climbing mountains, travel, concerts, weekend getaways, exploring the city.
+ Nature. 'Nuf said.
+ My Golf TDI.
~ How to have all the kindness, generosity, sensitivity and courage, confidence, passion and sexiness of a fully integrated man.
~ What it will be like when our bipolar country elects Trump.
~ How to make more money. Duh. I'm 'merican.
~ Why the world is so fucked up when everyone at a cocktail party is so lovely.
~ You'd like to have a direct, honest, vulnerable conversation.
~ You're grounded and emotionally intelligent because you have a daily practice - whether that's meditation, painting, writing, mindfulness, honoring and loving yourself, journaling, drawing, metta, Dharma talks, breathing, humor, body scans, sound healing, yoga, etc.
~ You're fit, youthful and high energy because you take care of your body - exercise, food, sleep - and mind (see above).
~ You're high maintenance. I'm not seeking a quiet, reserved woman who thinks her role is to keep the peace at the expense of an authentic, dynamic, playful relationship.
~ You wanna see Built to Spill together.
~ You think you oughta be laughing more.
~ You're looking for someone to adventure with - locally or out of town - for hiking, backpacking, road tripping, climbing mountains, domestic/int'l travel, etc.
~ You want me to teach you about philosophy, minimalism, personal finance, economics, fulfillment & happiness, ultralight backpacking, climbing mountains, outdoor gear/clothing, organization, sales/marketing or relationships (seriously), meditation, nutrition.
~ You're looking for someone to have intense philosophical conversations about life and this being human over coffee, wine, beer or cocktail (which clever boy came up with that one?).
~ You know what you need and want and how to communicate your needs and wants. Or you're willing to learn.
~ You want a singing partner to sing your favorite songs (check out MusixMatch).
~ You want to be around someone who can teach you about anything worth learning about.
~ You know how to feel your feelings and body and how to communicate both. Or you're willing to learn.
~ You love it when a man opens your car door, keeps you on the inside of the street and grasps your hand firmly (or butt) when crossing a busy street.
~ You stop for hot springs.
~ You feel like undeveloped property with a hell of a view.
~ You want me to take you hut-to-hut snowshoeing in the Sierras.
~ You want to discover hole-in-the-wall restaurant with wickedly good food - Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Singaporean, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Mediterranean, Turkish, Persian, Peruvian.
~ You love people and are constantly on the lookout to make deeply intimate and meaningful connections wherever you go.
~ You navigate the holy grail of sweet AND sexy.
~ You want to meditate together. Or learn.
~ You wanna taste my super delicious signature cold brew coffee concoction. Yah yah, I know cold brew is uber trendy, but I've been making it for 13 years. So there.