Most of us seem to think if we could just find the right person then we'll be ok and our life will work out. The truth is, every relationship - platonic or intimate - starts with a broken heart because every relationship inevitably ends with breakup...or death. Strictly speaking, there is no relationship. When two people come together regularly to connect over shared experiences, we call it relationship.
The reason I'm here is to find people to connect deeply with. It's the most fulfilling - and at times painful - part of my life. I
I'm a big picture, conceptual, possibility person with a practical, pragmatic bent. I cry regularly at the poignancy of life, and with each passing day I'm becoming more human, more man, more me. And that feels really good. Apparently paradoxes are lost on OKC's algo's: deeply compassionate but only a tad kinky, rarely arrogant and definitely not sloppy (look at my drawers for Martha's sake).
I'm complex, paradoxical, high energy/low energy (hungry or sleep-deprived), sensitive/insensitive (at times), honest conversation-er, rule breaker/rule maker, critical thinker, 2/3 dork / 1/3 cool, lover of all things small, minimalist, experiential, philosophical, anarchic (let's start with the central bankers and financiers), early adopter, lover of beauty, live by intuition, enjoy being different, forever questioning convention.
Spent my 20's in MN and CO getting fired from my first three jobs, working in speciality coffee, going to concerts, having the best time in grad school, being immature, getting into debt during the dot com trading stocks and doing every kinda outdoor sport - backpacking, climbing 40+ mountains, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, ice climbing, rock climbing, trail running, road biking, mountain biking, downhill skiing (don't ask me to go with you; I suck).
30's in CO and CA working my ass off in sales to pay off that debt and save money, yogaing, getting married and divorced, road tripping through every state in the West, starting a business, climbing in CA, WA and Bolivia, living part-time at Cafe Venetia, traveling overseas, backpacking here, there and everywhere, hut-to-hut snowshoeing, meditation retreats and endless Dharma talks.
Though it's not always so, I'm truly in love with life, and I've been the most content I've ever been. Becoming comfortable with being alone is empowering and how absolutely fu*king awesome it is not to rely on anyone else for our happiness. The owner of a vagina will not determine my happiness; I will. I've traveled by myself, backpacked by myself, climbed mountains like Shasta by mybself, and I don't need to apologize for it or feel even slightly awkward about it. I'm a whole person on my own. Okay, maybe that's only 80% true...but I'm working hard on the other 20. I believe in work first, play later.
Mornings are my favorite: grad student biking to Stanford with coffee in hand; sun between the branches; quick chats with the woman who walks her dog; twisting rosemary in my fingers and bringing it up to my nose. It's eminently magical to be alive. This gift we've been given...for now.
Not sure if ready to risk my heart so let's start with friends..and see where it goes.
Currently on sabbatical pedal to the metal exploring, experimenting, tinkering, writing, cartooning, healing childhood wounds (tried spiritual end-run, didn't work) and accumulated injuries, developing a healthy relationship with money, experimenting with food and becoming confident in the kitchen, studying meyers-briggs and enneagram, lots 'o Dharma talks, pushing the edge sexually (who knew women loved being tossed like a salad?), reading a book a week and figuring out what career to pursue next - creative, spiritual, giving back or join another startup.
~ Getting up at 5am to start the day with meditation, Dharma talk while walking, reading, journaling (personal, investing, dreams) and writing gratitudes and intentions. "My morning sun is the drug that brings me near."
~ Co-leading a No More Mr Nice Guy meetup. We discuss the good, bad and ugly of our lives with honesty, authenticity and vulnerability. Let me tell you, it take a truckload of fucking courage for a man to be vulnerable enough to talk about feeling and emotions.
~ Volunteer teaching kids to read.
~ Mentoring others on relationships - self and romantic, dating profiles, spirituality, etc. Here's a tip to women: make sure your man likes your body type and your body just the way it is. To men: make sure your woman is impressed with who you are just as you are right now. Trust me, without these, both man and woman will turn themselves into a pretzel trying to impress their partner, and it will never work.
~ Learning to dissolve my projections, drop my walls and face my wounds.
~ Making money running a consulting business and trading financials (long road).
~ Doing improv to learn how to be authentically me in front of groups.
~ Fantasizing about putting my minimalist stuff in storage and moving into a tiny cottage to meditate, write and cartoon all day. Or moving overseas to learn a foreign culture and Spanish ou apprendre francais pour parler comme une vache espanol.
~ Hanging laundry a la 50's, throwing compost behind the bushes (shh, don't tell my neighbor), mending my clothes (f'in moths) and jaywalking.
~ Straddling the paradox of ambition and peace.
~ Pushing my edge in Human Awareness Institute workshops.
~ Exploring molecules.
~ Taking care of my body - eating well (since high school), 7+ hours sleep and either at the gym for cardio, stretching and sauna or outside running, hiking or just walking. Lately doing martial arts and dance, including ballet.
~ Having the strength and courage to be in relationship with my BPD sister.
~ Hosting brilliant, creative, entrepreneurial couchsurfers from around the world - France, Egypt, Germany, Spain, Australia, Iceland, India, Belgium, New Zealand, Finland, Russia, China, Mexico and Canada so far. I've got open invites all over the world.
Making lists, lists and more lists!
Making deep, meaningful connections wherever I go.
Having a direct, honest conversation.
Following my folly. I'm insatiably curious and forever indulging my interests, senses, mind and body.
Laughing at myself and not taking things personally or myself too seriously.
Getting my needs met
Guessing where a disembarking plane just came came from.
Dancing with life and living from the death of the experience.
Oddly, whatever I'm buying or doing today often becomes wildly popular years later. Rock climbing, road biking, dark chocolate, down sweaters, organic food, trail running, yoga, Dutch bikes, dark chocolate, fixie bikes, quinoa, kale to name a few.
Learning. There's never a moment where I'm not absorbing knowledge, information, seeing patterns and learning about men, women, being human, relationships, nutrition, art, language, exercise, financials, money, entrepreneurship, alpinism, geography, fashion, zeitgeist, etc.
Navigating the backcountry like a professional guide and swearing up a storm at Siri as my mind inevitably goes into sensory overload driving in the city.
Singing like Morrissey and Sting, imitating people and unintentionally making people laugh.
Recently heard the following...
~ "You're a really smart, fun and funny guy...and definitely not slick."
~ "Fascinating conversationalist."
Anything intelligent - humor, drama, sexy, noir. Just finished MadMen, so damn good. Had to laugh at the last episode as Don is becoming more like me and I more like him. Bill Hicks standup, brilliant.
Absolutely love music – again, anything intelligent.
Just finished "Early Retirement Extreme - A philosophical and practical guide to financial independence" and "The Truth - An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships". Most influential books: Way of Superior Man, No More Mr Nice Guy, A Path With Heart, Power of Now, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and so many more...
+ Movement. The contrast between the speed of running and the stillness of trees, the surge of catching a wave, the burning legs and lungs of climbing, the silence of snow in winter, the perfect joy of playing in water.
+ Learning. Forever curious, tinkering, experimenting, reading, studying, listening, growing, evolving, maturing.
+ Sensate experience. Taste: food, single origin coffee, wine, cheese, beer, chocolate. Sound: music, birds, laughter. Touch: skin contact, hugs, caress, kissing, water, sex. Smell: freshly baked bread, coffee, freshly cleaned clothes, mint, pine, coconut, sea...could go on forever Sight: female face, female body, morning light, coastlines, mountains, blanket of snow, hummingbirds, beautiful architecture, trees...could go on forever.
+ Intimacy. Emotional, touch, laughing, sex, socializing, sharing, crying. Simply nothing better than human connection. "To be enlightened is to be intimate with all things." ~ Dogen
+ Fun & Adventure. Road trips, backpacking, climbing mountains, travel, concerts, weekend getaways, exploring the city.
+ Nature. Mountains, water, trees, gardenia flowers.
+ My Golf TDI.
~ How to be a fully integrated man - simultaneously grounded, stable and sexy as hell while bringing aliveness, vitality, playfulness, humor, feelings and emotions to any situation.
~ What it'll be like when our bipolar country elects Trump.
~ Why the world is so fucked up when everyone at a cocktail party is so lovely.
~ On that note, which clever boy came up with the word "cocktail"?
~ What most attracts me to a woman is her vitality and radiance. Regardless of age, if you are truly alive, living dynamically and engaged with life then I will likely find you VERY attractive. Respectfully, I've met women - usually European - in their 70s and 80's who are more alive than most 30+ women.
Having done much inner work and already tasted some clarity, freedom from suffering and a reclaiming of lost vitality, you're seeking male and female friends and lovers who support and encourage one another in healing, exploring and growing.
~ You generally feel whole and complete because you've done much inner healing...but you have a long way to go.
~ You see clearly in most situations because you're a connoisseur of this being human and study non-stop.
~ You've studied deeply women, men and relationships and are no longer naively beholden to the fantastical - and yes, romantic - narrative that if you could just find the right man you will be okay and your life will be spared the challenges, uncertainty and messiness of life and relationship. One of the most common fears of women is ending up a homeless bag lady.
~ You're grounded, centered and emotionally intelligent because you're aware of being the space in which thoughts, feelings and mental states arise and you have a daily practice - whether that's meditation, painting, writing, mindfulness, honoring and loving yourself, journaling, drawing, metta, Dharma talks, breathing, humor, body scans, sound healing, yoga, etc.
~ You're prone to high energy and vitality because you take care of yourself - exercise, food, sleep - and mind (see above).
~ You're high maintenance and high performing. Seriously, I'm not seeking a submissive (ok, except the bedroom) 50's housewife who thinks her role is to keep the peace at the expense of an authentic, honest, dynamic relationship.
~ You're seeking a man with a heart of gold who's deeply kind and compassionate and a bad boy who has his way with you until you're ravished into bliss.
~ You want to adventure and explore together.
~ You want more people to play, laugh and have fun with.
~ You're looking for someone to have intense philosophical conversations about life and this being human over coffee, wine, beer or cocktail (which clever boy came up with that one?).
~ You know what you need and want and how to communicate your needs and wants. Or you're willing to learn.
~ You wanna sing with me, explore architecture, hike, practice radical honesty, skinny dip in hot springs/lakes/oceans, trail run, find dive places with divine food, bring out our inner child, practice healing touch, give each other massages, meditate together, do improv until we collapse in laughter, hut-to-hut snowshoeing in the Sierras.
~ You love it when a man opens your car door, keeps you on the inside of the street and grasps your hand firmly (or butt) when crossing a busy street.
~ You feel like undeveloped property with a hell of a view.
~ You want to discover hole-in-the-wall restaurants with wickedly good food - Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Singaporean, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Mediterranean, Turkish, Persian, Peruvian.
~ You love people and are constantly on the lookout to make deeply intimate and meaningful connections wherever you go.
~ You navigate the holy grail of sweet AND sexy.
~ You wanna taste my super delicious signature cold brew coffee concoction. Yeah yeah I know, cold brew is uber trendy, but I've been making it for 13 years. So f*ck you Starbucks and Peet's.