36 Chicago, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I love to walk (wilderness hiking, urban sightseeing, conversational meandering, as transportation, and probably any type of walking you could possibly imagine or invent), cook food, go on picnics, do ecological restoration, sew, knit, run, read, dance, look at art, learn new things, get into spirited arguments, and observe and analyze the world around me. I like board game nights, potlucks, and craft circles. I currently live in Albany Park, at the end of the brown line, so if you live near-ish to me, that makes hanging out easier. But I can travel (a bit) for awesome people!

I'd really like to dance more, run more, do ceramics again, cook more, write more, see more movies, and walk more.

I am a proudly polyamorous person, and want my relationships to be always open. I like meeting new people, and plan to continue to do it forever. I like polyamory for many reasons, including that I like having sex with multiple people. But probably the biggest reason I am poly is that I am a radical individualist. I like doing different things with different people, having quiet partners and loud ones, being intimate with optimists and pessimists, with fast movers and people who take it slow. I enjoy being introduced to new activities by new people, but I don't end up liking everything, and no-one likes everything I do. And that's a good thing, because it means I get to have a diverse set of friends and partners.
What I’m doing with my life
My two fondest ambitions are to be comfortable in my own skin, and to never own a car. So far, I'm doing good with both of them.

As a more conventional answer to this question, I work early mornings stocking shelves (and moving shelves) for a retail store, and I do volunteer ecological restoration because I love both the hands on work and the native plants and ecosystems.
I’m really good at
Manual tasks including cooking, animal surgery, sewing, and simple handy-person jobs.

Figuring out difficult intellectual issues.



The first things people usually notice about me
My gender. I wish this wasn't true, but it is.

It’s probably the most important, most quickly noticed category for person to person interactions in our society. I usually get categorized as female (it's a category that works well for me, and one I've been placed in my entire life). I can tell people usually categorize me as woman because "guys" try very hard to let me go onto the bus first, but sometimes people use male forms of address for me, so I know they are gendering me as male.

I went ahead and took advantage of OkC's diverse set of gender choices. I'm super excited by the fact that OkC finally stopped enforcing the gender binary, so I want to celebrate that diversity. And the options I chose ("Gender Nonconforming" and "Cis Woman") feel quite authentic to me. The old option of "Woman" also feels authentic, but this new choice gives you more information, and I like information! I hope you do, too.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love food, especially vegetarian food. Over a decade ago, I stopped buying meat (to cook: I still eat pepperoni pizza, buffalo wings, and other meat when out) because I realized that I just liked (most) food without meat better than food with meat. I've loved tofu for over 25 years, adore green vegetables, don't really like fruit that much, and love to cook.

Octavia E. Butler (Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents) is by far my favorite fiction author, although I also love Ursula K. LeGuin, and Barbara Kingsolver. I'm currently reading and loving Rebecca Solnit. She writes non-fiction which is extremely literary, interconnected, full of well explained allusions, and fascinating.

My favorite movies include Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Children of Men, City of God, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I'd really like to broaden my viewing of films, to include things that appeal particularly to me. I've always used watching film as a thing to do with other people, and therefore seen films that my friends or SOs were particularly into. I want to start seeing films that are about women, or art, or nature, or polyamory or otherwise interesting to me, but I do want to see them with other people, because I love being able to talk about the film I just saw.

As far as music goes, I like dancing to almost anything with a beat, using background music to help me concentrate, going to concerts of strange modern music, and signing along to anything I grew up with and can remember the words to.

I gave these sections in order of preference. I love food, am deeply interested in reading, like the visuals in movies and often enjoy movies themselves, and am working on developing musical taste.
The six things I could never do without
Home cooked food



My cats

Networked computing devices
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Food, gender, cultural norms, ecology, fire dependent ecosystems, biological diversity, sustainability, community and polyamory.

I also think about the books I've recently read, the news, and whatever people I've talked to recently are interested in.

Lately, I've been thinking quite a bit about kink, gendered expectations of dating, and how they interact. I happen to be sexually submissive, and my kinks line up quite well with most of the gendered expectations our society has about sex. Except for the whole "women don't want sex" idea ... good sex makes me very, very happy, indeed. But I often let my partners initiate sex, I usually want to do what they want to do, and I really enjoy dominant partners. However, I consider my sexuality to be kinky instead of considering it to be gender conforming. And I am certainly not gender conforming in my appearance, or in my behavior outside of the bedroom.
On a typical Friday night I am
deeply conflicted about whether I should go out dancing, or get to bed early to make it more likely that I can volunteer in the Forest Preserves in the morning. Oh, opportunity costs, why must you exist?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That I'm straight. I know that's listed publicly here, but I think of my sexual orientation as private and contingent. I wish I were bisexual, and I used to identify here on OkC as bisexual.

I certainly appreciate women aesthetically, but maybe my sometimes sexual appreciation of women is constructed by the general objectification of women in our society. It also occurs to me that my appreciation for men is strongly supported by society as a whole, and that the fact that men pursue women very much enables my sexual interest in men ('cause being appreciated is sexy). All of that said, I think it makes sense to identify as straight right now. Maybe that won't last, but that's OK, too.
You should message me if
Some of the things I like doing and thinking about are things we could do together or talk about.

If you do choose to message me, please don't write me as if you're composing a text messages; instead, write to me as if this were an email. Short messages, exchanged quickly, are not my forte, and getting an extremely short first message is a serious turn off. There is no reason to write an essay: just try and see if you can get above 200 characters, please?