44 Salt Lake City, United States
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My self-summary
Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone out there?

I'm funny. But looks aren't everything, unless you're completely shallow like me. I am down to earth because when the aliens abducted me, they found my brain wasn't large enough according to their fish and game proclamation, so they threw me back. I love to sing, but I got asked to stop because I sound like a drunken teen-aged otter. I love long walks on the beach, but I am tired of the tide coming in every time and there was that one time that Greenpeace tried to throw me back into the ocean when I accidentally fell asleep. (To their credit, they thought they were saving my life, somehow.) I like to read, but sounding out the words hurts my medulla oblongata. I consider myself to be a well rounded individual, because I'm, well, rounded. And I don't care what anyone says, round is still a shape! I smoke, but only when I'm on fire. Someone once said "character is who you are in the dark." Well, I'm a character alright, especially in the dark! Oh, and I smoosh spiders, open stuck jars and such. Gimme a jingle, would ya?
What I’m doing with my life
I'm looking into taking over the world, and I'd like someone to rule it with me. I feel that I am obligated to point out that I am not LDS. I am not religious, but I do believe in God and the Bible. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and while He is always faithful, I fail Him a lot (that's what's so amazing about grace.) That should narrow things down quite dramatically.
I’m really good at
I have a quick wit and enjoy making others laugh. You can really tell when someone is happy when they laugh. I'm really very good at poetry. Observe the following:

Roses are red,
Bacon is red,
Poems are hard,

Ah, what prose! Sometimes I amaze even myself (it's not that hard.)
The first things people usually notice about me
My beard, i guess. Maybe my glasses? No one's really told me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like action/adventure movies. Typical guy.
I like Robert Jordan books, AKA Wheel of Time (fantasy,) and Tony Hillerman (mystery.) All my favorite authors are dead.
When it comes to movies, I would probably be called a major geek. You know, Star Wars, Star Trek, all that nonsense.
I have a wide taste in music, excluding rap (although, I suppose I could acquire the taste, if the right reason came along.)
Food... I love food, and I have been known to try things that would gross other people out. I'm not extreme, but I just enjoy different flavors. I lean heavily toward seafood.
The six things I could never do without
gaming, movies, my kids, bowling, pool, swimming, conversation, humor, tin foil hats, origami, clown shoes, rainbow afros, pocket lint, thumb wrestling, tasty crustaceans, sunsets, walks in the park, the smell of napalm in the morning, God, the Bible, Jesus. Yes, I know that's more than 6, but many can be combined. Like bowling in clown shoes with tin foil hats. I'm also a rebel, I don't follow all the rules.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Whatever comes to mind. I'm wondering if we were all zombies once and there was a human apocalypse. I wonder why we drive on parkways and park on driveways. I ponder about things like, if the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose "meese?"
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing nothing. Sometimes I entertain my oldest son. I figure a good date might go something along the lines of going to McDonalds and you can pick whatever value meal you want. If you're nice, I would consider upsizing it. And if there's a spark, I might get a McFlurry. Doesn't that sound fun?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am a terrible cook. I once burned water. That's right, I was boiling water to cook some noodles, when I came back the water had boiled off.

This really isn't private, but I enjoy romance. I also adore Grumpy Cat, because he's got a much more bubbly personality than I do. I also love lamp.
You should message me if
if you enjoy having a nice conversation. I will try not to put you to sleep. Unless you're an insomniac and need the sleep, then I will try to put you to sleep. :D I hope someone out there got a chuckle reading my crap.

You're welcome to message me if you just want to talk. I don't bite, and I try to hold up my end. I'm a no pressure kind of guy.