Imagine Duke Nukem coyly saying "But I'm a pretty baby." Really let it sink in. Now message me.
This is the most important thing I have ever seen.
(Genital Appreciation Rant v3) Sometimes I like to just mush my face into someone's genitals. Not sexual, I just feel safe there. I like to kiss dicks on their adorable heads. Small spoon, as there are few things more comforting than the feel of morning wood against my butt cheeks. I am only mildly embarrassed at having written that.
I am a manic pixie fat kid, joyful cynic. I find information overwhelmingly pleasurable. If Kirby was a gender, I would be that. Filled with love floating atop a thin layer of self-loathing. Mostly love. S'beautiful.
In spite of my cock-loving ways, gender doesn't usually factor into attraction for me. I think pansexual might cover it? Really, I am primarily attracted to enjoyable people with a skill of some sort.
It's difficult for me to say, "Oh you like (A)? Then you would also appreciate (B) as they have (shared characteristic) in common." Instead, I will gush, "You like (A)! Awesome! Here's something else that's awesome! Fuck yeah! Awesome things! Let's hold each other!"
I fall in love all the time.
This song is so bad that I can't help but love it.
Cuddling is a greater need for me than food. This is always true.
"'cause everyone made him a boy, and God didn't think to ask his preference."
More importantly, I am searching for someone to sever my head and display it above the gates to their fortress. This is my mission.
Here is a short film my brother and I made during a break from recording. It tells a powerful story, and I fully endorse it.
My only true goal in life is to be hugged by Reggie Watts.
Recognizing comedians. Learning from transgression. Listening. High-speed whisking. Noticing obscure patterns in words.
Um... Hirsute princess. Covered in scars, shaping their nails at a bus stop. Grotesque sincerity. Myriad possibilities. Goddamn baby face, now that I trimmed my beard.
A selection of valued books:
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul
The Hedgehog, the Fox, and the Magister's Pox
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
The Areas of My Expertise
Ooh... favorite movie would have to be Brazil, followed by Duck Soup, Dr. Strangelove, Harold and Maude, and Super. Anything involving Terry Gilliam, the Coen Brothers, or the Marx Bros. delights me. (De. Light. Delight. Just doesn't make sense to me, now.) I also very much enjoy any film directed by Park Chan-Wook. I've only seen it once, but I enjoyed Mean Girls so much I feel the need to mention it. Also, the Evil Dead movies. I once met Bruce Campbell, and let me tell ya... he is shorter than I expected.
Favorite shows would be MST3K, Futurama, Peep Show, Blackadder, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Sometimes I feel like Rick and Morty was made for me.
Music covers far too much. Recent listening has included:
Diablo Swing Orchestra
Devin Townsend Project
I also have a special place in my heart for video game soundtracks.
Favorite objects to ingest are usually fruity, spicy, sour, cheesy, or potatoes. I love to cook and am particularly fond of putting wildly unnecessary effort into elaborate burgers.
I'd say dick, but eh.
That is all.
Would the Erotic Bakery be able to make a boob cake with dicks for nipples? And not erect. If not, could I? Either way, if you have a pair of testicles under each of your dicknipples, which testicle is lowest?
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this, but I DO think that the movie 300 not only has the ability to have opinions on sex, but it also hates everything about sex.
Why can't a woman have a beard?
One can never truly have a milk moustache as long as one has an actual moustache... The sacrifices we make for vanity!
Why there isn't a power metal band called Masturbating the Dragon.
The warmth of blasphemy.
I constantly think about words. Their function, their construction. The rhythm of speech and how I would sound if I hadn't lost my accent. Video game development. Art. Apathy, and how I want to destroy it.
Also, bowler hats. It is an unhealthy fixation. I NOW OWN ONE, though, so it seems much less unhealthy.
Devy. Just, Devy.
If you are wondering why I value expression over knowledge (you weren't. I never mentioned it), I can offer some explanation. I grew up in extreme poverty and have been homeless much of my adult life. I am a child and I have just begun to speak.
For example, when I am anxious, I will lightly run my fingertips along my forearm, fingernails barely grazing the skin. It is highly arousing!
Or if you would like to engage in disjointed, somewhat-informed, entirely over-thought banter. Especially message me if you enjoy being cuddled like they were on molly by bearded weirdos whilst having deeply introspective conversations about things that probably don't matter to most.
If this makes you happy in your heart-place.
Or if you just read the bit about kissing dicks and thought that sounded nice.
Relevant to our interaction: If I've sent you a message, it is most likely just a thought that has occurred while reading your profile, and possibly a further bit of absurd rambling because sometimes I amuse myself. While I would like a conversation to stem from wherever it may, I am rarely attempting to start one. I do try to tell people who seem particularly likeable that they are, BECAUSE THERE IS NO REASON NOT TO ENCOURAGE THAT WHICH IS GRAND. That said, feel free to message me back. Just know that I may have neither the desire to respond, nor anything further to say.
Feel free to ignore everything I've said.
Feel free, because you are.