40 Auckland, New Zealand
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My self-summary
I'm a pedigree cat with fleas. I'm in the gutter throwing confetti at the moon. I'm a tourist in the sewers playing mandolin rainbows to the cockroaches.

I'm up all night in the kitchen trying to catch the garden gnomes having a conversation.

(Are you still reading? Cool. I was just trying to weed out the uh, incompatibles. Guess you must be okay then, huh. How cool do you feel right now.)
What I’m doing with my life
I process the case files of criminals before they are charged for their horrific and unspeakable crimes.

Kind of like Batman, but with a lot more paperwork.

Meanwhile, I have four current goals:

1. Join a band
2. Learn sign language
3. Buy some bongos
4. Hitch-hike from the east coast of America to the west

My goals rule.

Also just taken up Thai Kickboxing. Just because of how bad-ass that sounds. To be honest, considering how much I suck at it, I probably should have taken up Thai Cooking instead. Or Thai Beatboxing.
I’m really good at
I'm really good at bad haiku.

My best friend's toothbrush / why do you feel so scratchy / against my nipples
The first things people usually notice about me

[Hold on, wait, that's not sexy; let's say - my eyes]
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Right now I'm about to bake my friend a chocolate cake. Cake is a great invention. I guess you could say I have a sweet tooth... I like to ganache my teeth.

I'm a movie snob who will tell you your favourite movie with explosions in it is crap and then make you watch some 3 hour Russian thing with subtitles until you fall asleep.

Musically... well I was into Chopin before he was cool, man. BEFORE he was cool. Think about that.

Last book I read was 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. I know. I'm ashamed. I disliked it, mind you. I couldn't relate to any the characters. That should tell you more about me than anything else I write here.

My favourite writer of all time is actually William Burroughs.
The six things I could never do without
I could never do without: little porcelain pigs, friendly shop assistants, children answering back to their parents, resveratrol, earplugs, and uh, tabasco sauce.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do duck hunters use guns? Why not just put them in a duck-sized electric chair.
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm at the Police station processing criminals.

That, or getting drunk and getting processed at the station as a criminal.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a moustache
You should message me if
you're an unemployed drug addict who lives with her parents in a caravan park.

If you've read the whole profile, congratulations! You deserve a reward. Here's the real personal stuff, just for you. First secret insight: I'm actually a quiet person, far too sensitive for my own good and all polysyllabic up the wazoo. [At the same time, I have friends and I like to go out and party. I know. It's ridiculous. But introversion is the predominant feature.]

I'm here because I'd like to make a connection for once on a deep mental level, rather than grope someone drunkenly in a bathroom who turns out to be dumb as all buggery.

So. If you feel like you're a little bit different in some indefinable way (like maybe people don't get you sometimes, because you bring up Dostoevsky in conversation and they say 'huh?' - or you purposefully don't bring up Dostoevsky in conversations, because hey, wanky - but you know who he is)... and you're not a Robbie Williams fan either, we may have something to talk about.

Otherwise, yay All Blacks, beer, tits etc.