29 Huntington Beach, United States
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My self-summary
First, riddle me this: Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

While you think about it, here are some totally awesome facts about me: I like things, and stuff, including but not limited to: dogs, time machines, lightsabers, primates (especially gibbons, they're sweet), playing the guitar like a blind man watching a comet, and baseball. I generally dislike peas and Microsoft Outlook and people who make terrible jokes in their profile. I also abhor irony like elephants abhor bees (which is quite a lot! if you don't believe me, ask your local elephant next time you see him).

I also like how if you press ctrl-A while on okcupid you get blinded by the wall of bright pink highlight that plasters your monitor. It's amazing. If you select and unselect fast enough the text starts to look kind of dark red. Either that or I'm actually having a stroke.

My favorite grammatical error is the comma splice, it's totally awesome. In a close second comes the complete disregard for all capital letters, which is also pretty high in my repertoire. I tend to try to save that part of my arsenal for really pivotal moments though.

TLDR of my profile: way too many uses of the word 'awesome', jokes that aren't funny, etc. etc. etc..

Oh yeah, about that riddle. Brace yourself! Answer: Because he had no body to go with! Haha, I know, I know, I'm so edgy!
What I’m doing with my life
I work right now, and get paid for it, which is kind a neat deal if you really think about it. Mostly this consists of resetting people's routers and googling random problems about microsoft outlook. I like it right now, but it's not my ideal career. I secretly have a goal of writing fiction for a living, and also have a more realistic goal of building a time machine and visiting the deep past. I'm also trying to learn actual programming, so I can eventually be some kind of super hero, or even just a regular hero.

I studied anthropology in college. It was awesome. I mean, it still is awesome, but it was awesome too. Unfortunately I'm not an anthropologist, which is obviously super disappointing to most of you beautiful profile-readers, but it may comfort you to know that I share a lot of similarities with actual anthropologists. For example, most anthropologists are kind of totally radical, and so am I.

I'm living in Huntington Beach right now for my job, but I spend lots of weekends in San Diego. That's where my dog is. She's cool. She can run a lot faster than me, but she doesn't talk quite as much.
I’m really good at
I can play guitar, but I'm not good at it. And I can't sing at all, not even enough to fake it, so there's never any motivation for me to learn songs all the way through. I used to play all the time, now I pick up a guitar maybe once a week. You know, it's really hard to impress girls with a guitar if you can't sing too. Do you want to hear me strum some chords over and over? I can do that!

I'm good at knowing lots of about anthropology and stuff. It's awesome stuff, you should learn to know lots about it too.

I occasionally write short stories. I'm probably not actually that good at it, but no worries, that apparently hasn't stopped many successful published writers! Anyway I try not to show them to real people (only internet people). It's better that way.

I'm pretty okay at foosball for some reason, and I used to be pretty good at Rise of Nations and Age of Mythology, but if you're an expert player at either one you'd still be able to smoke me if we played.
The first things people usually notice about me
I don't know, but it would be cool if I were invisible because then the first thing people would notice about me is that they can't see me.

It would also be really cool to be able to fly. Life would be pretty good if the first thing people noticed about me was that I was flying on a set of homemade wings. They would try to call me Icarus and I would reprimand them because greek references like that are SO cliché.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: For some reason books is the hardest part of this question. I guess if you put a gun to my head and asked for a list, well, I'd think you were probably insane and I might hesitate for a few seconds, wondering if you were serious. Then I'd timidly come up with this list: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, Thousand Moons on a Thousand Rivers, Fahrenheit 451, and The Road. Nonfiction is way easier: Our Inner Ape and an Anthropologist on Mars are both fantastic, and Omnivores Dilemma is worth a read too.

Movies: Wristcutters, I Heart Huckabees, Lebwoski, Gladiator. I don't know why, I guess I'm just that cool. I also liked Stalker, the Russian movie, but it's not a movie I'd want to watch over and over again because I'm often lacking in patience, but man, it's definitely worth sitting through.

Shows: Parks and Rec. So good.

Music: I have super girly taste in music most of the time. My favorite artist is probably regina spektor. I didn't care for her latest album, but she's still great. My next few artists on are Julieta Venegas (I have no idea, it just happened), The Black Keys (they were better before their last two albums), The Allman Brothers (hardly ever listen to them now), and Kaki King (she's great, I think I'm the only person in the galaxy who likes the songs she sings in). After that it's double secret probation material. Or not, but I'm not telling you anyway.

Food: I agree, food is one of my favorites. No, no, peas do not count as food.
The six things I could never do without
Tough question. I'd have to go dogs, books, stars, guitars, computers, oxygen.

That's in no particular order, of course. If it were, oxygen would have to be moved up one or two spots, because I probably like breathing more than computers OR guitars. I know, crazy, right?

If I were actually a robot posing as a human being, it would be mostly the same, only I wouldn't need oxygen. So that should comfort you should you ever become suspicious, because one: robot me is pretty much the same as human me, and two: you have a really easy way to test if I'm actually the Terminator or not.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Humans, other primates, space, humans in space, lemurs, lemurs in space, a galactic civilization run by lemurs, a great lemur-human war, the aftermath of the great war, the terrible slavery the victorious lemurs inflicted on the human race, chimpanzees, whether chimpanzees would ally with humans or lemurs in the great war.

hint: they'd ally with humans. because we're awesome.

You know how lemurs fight with each other? They rub their tails over scent glands and fling their stink at each other. Truly a formidable opponent. Perhaps we'd need to enlist ALL the apes to help us. I'm not sure if orangutans would be much help. They're kinda loners. But that's cool. If I were a non-human ape I would probably be either an orangutan or a gibbon. Probably a gibbon. What would you be? Hopefully a gibbon!
On a typical Friday night I am
friday, friday, gotta get down on...

Pretty much anything, but I'm not much of a party person or a go out drinking person.

It would be really cool if we had time machines and then Friday night could be time machine night, and we could go back to the pleistocene or ancient egypt or whatever and just be like woah, awesome! Of course, realistically, if I had a time machine, Monday night would be time machine night, and I'd use it to travel to Friday night.

If I were Bear Grylls, I'd find a dead sheep and tear its guts out, then sleep in it, and then call it a sheeping bag and you'd laugh because that's a hilarious joke, then I'd invite you in. But you'd decline because sleeping in a recently dead animal carcass is disgusting and something no one would want to do on their Friday night.

If I were Michael Westen, I would eat some yogurt and then go to sleep, because when you're a spy, it's important to eat right and be well rested, even on the weekends. You never know when you're going to have to... um, do some spy stuff.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If Taylor Swift comes on the radio while I'm driving in the car, I roll the windows up instead of changing the station.
You should message me if
You hate peas.
You love peas (haha, just kidding, only people that actually exist can message me)

You own a time machine.

You know how to speak dolphin.

You'd go double or nothing if we were on Cash Cab.

You maybe like stuff that I like? idk, why am I telling you what you want to do anyway? It's your life!