While you think about it, here are some totally awesome facts about me: I like things, and stuff, including but not limited to: dogs, time machines, lightsabers, primates (especially gibbons, they're sweet), playing the guitar like a blind man watching a comet, and baseball. I generally dislike peas and Microsoft Outlook and people who make terrible jokes in their profile. I also abhor irony like elephants abhor bees (which is quite a lot! if you don't believe me, ask your local elephant next time you see him).
I also like how if you press ctrl-A while on okcupid you get blinded by the wall of bright pink highlight that plasters your monitor. It's amazing. If you select and unselect fast enough the text starts to look kind of dark red. Either that or I'm actually having a stroke.
My favorite grammatical error is the comma splice, it's totally awesome. In a close second comes the complete disregard for all capital letters, which is also pretty high in my repertoire. I tend to try to save that part of my arsenal for really pivotal moments though.
TLDR of my profile: way too many uses of the word 'awesome', jokes that aren't funny, etc. etc. etc..
Oh yeah, about that riddle. Brace yourself! Answer: Because he had no body to go with! Haha, I know, I know, I'm so edgy!
I studied anthropology in college. It was awesome. I mean, it still is awesome, but it was awesome too. Unfortunately I'm not an anthropologist, which is obviously super disappointing to most of you beautiful profile-readers, but it may comfort you to know that I share a lot of similarities with actual anthropologists. For example, most anthropologists are kind of totally radical, and so am I.
I'm living in Huntington Beach right now for my job, but I spend lots of weekends in San Diego. That's where my dog is. She's cool. She can run a lot faster than me, but she doesn't talk quite as much.
I'm good at knowing lots of about anthropology and stuff. It's awesome stuff, you should learn to know lots about it too.
I occasionally write short stories. I'm probably not actually that good at it, but no worries, that apparently hasn't stopped many successful published writers! Anyway I try not to show them to real people (only internet people). It's better that way.
I'm pretty okay at foosball for some reason, and I used to be pretty good at Rise of Nations and Age of Mythology, but if you're an expert player at either one you'd still be able to smoke me if we played.
It would also be really cool to be able to fly. Life would be pretty good if the first thing people noticed about me was that I was flying on a set of homemade wings. They would try to call me Icarus and I would reprimand them because greek references like that are SO cliché.
Movies: Wristcutters, I Heart Huckabees, Lebwoski, Gladiator. I don't know why, I guess I'm just that cool. I also liked Stalker, the Russian movie, but it's not a movie I'd want to watch over and over again because I'm often lacking in patience, but man, it's definitely worth sitting through.
Shows: Parks and Rec. So good.
Music: I have super girly taste in music most of the time. My favorite artist is probably regina spektor. I didn't care for her latest album, but she's still great. My next few artists on Last.fm are Julieta Venegas (I have no idea, it just happened), The Black Keys (they were better before their last two albums), The Allman Brothers (hardly ever listen to them now), and Kaki King (she's great, I think I'm the only person in the galaxy who likes the songs she sings in). After that it's double secret probation material. Or not, but I'm not telling you anyway.
Food: I agree, food is one of my favorites. No, no, peas do not count as food.
That's in no particular order, of course. If it were, oxygen would have to be moved up one or two spots, because I probably like breathing more than computers OR guitars. I know, crazy, right?
If I were actually a robot posing as a human being, it would be mostly the same, only I wouldn't need oxygen. So that should comfort you should you ever become suspicious, because one: robot me is pretty much the same as human me, and two: you have a really easy way to test if I'm actually the Terminator or not.
hint: they'd ally with humans. because we're awesome.
You know how lemurs fight with each other? They rub their tails over scent glands and fling their stink at each other. Truly a formidable opponent. Perhaps we'd need to enlist ALL the apes to help us. I'm not sure if orangutans would be much help. They're kinda loners. But that's cool. If I were a non-human ape I would probably be either an orangutan or a gibbon. Probably a gibbon. What would you be? Hopefully a gibbon!
Pretty much anything, but I'm not much of a party person or a go out drinking person.
It would be really cool if we had time machines and then Friday night could be time machine night, and we could go back to the pleistocene or ancient egypt or whatever and just be like woah, awesome! Of course, realistically, if I had a time machine, Monday night would be time machine night, and I'd use it to travel to Friday night.
If I were Bear Grylls, I'd find a dead sheep and tear its guts out, then sleep in it, and then call it a sheeping bag and you'd laugh because that's a hilarious joke, then I'd invite you in. But you'd decline because sleeping in a recently dead animal carcass is disgusting and something no one would want to do on their Friday night.
If I were Michael Westen, I would eat some yogurt and then go to sleep, because when you're a spy, it's important to eat right and be well rested, even on the weekends. You never know when you're going to have to... um, do some spy stuff.
You love peas (haha, just kidding, only people that actually exist can message me)
You own a time machine.
You know how to speak dolphin.
You'd go double or nothing if we were on Cash Cab.
You maybe like stuff that I like? idk, why am I telling you what you want to do anyway? It's your life!