31Richland, United States
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My self-summary
I am moving across the country from NH to WA in November 2016. I have no idea what I'm doing. I may need you to hold me.

I have an adorable niece and nephew but they're on strict social media free diets so you're stuck with baby-less pictures and I'm stuck trying to woo you without the help of a baby.

I'm also the world's leading cause of cancer.
What I’m doing with my life
By day I am a packaging engineer. By night I am a pub quiz host and standup comedian, as time allows. By dusk and dawn I am a superhero but don't tell anyone.
I’m really good at
-Thinking like an engineer even when the situation doesn't call for it.
-Making people laugh. That's why everyone always laughs at me, right?
-Turning any situation awkward. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident.
-Entering and leaving conversations at the most awkward times
-That one sex thing that's all the rage these days. Yes, that.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not crazy, I'm misunderstood.

I just farted.

Or maybe it's my giant wang.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read, watch, listen, or eat. Ever.
Six things I could never do without

Instead, how about 5 cheesy pickup lines we could all do without?

1) Do you like Cheez Whiz? Because I'd like to spread you all over this cracker.
2) Are you Swiss? Because I'd like to run my tongue all over your holes.
3) You must be part cheddar because all I can see is you melting on my meat.
4) You must be Munster because I wanna eat you despite the smell.
5) This may sound cheesy but I think you're grate.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think it's adorable when people tell me "We need to find you a girlfriend." I mean, I appreciate the gesture and all but isn't need a strong word? I've spent over 90% of my life single and I think I turned out okay.

The right relationship will enrich the lives of the people involved, but simply being in a relationship does not mean your life is automatically better. If you approach life with the mentality that you need a relationship, you will settle for whoever is willing to settle with you. I would rather get to know everyone that comes into my life and, when there is mutual interest, decide to spend more time and energy with a special someone.

The single life is not an implication of loneliness, sadness, or emptiness. Having a significant other is not a cure for nor protection from loneliness, sadness, or emptiness in your life.
On a typical Friday night I am
Having hot, sweaty sex.

It still counts if it's with myself, right?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am an axe murderer which apparently is not a very popular thing around these parts of the interwebz. Who knew?
You should message me if
Board games?
Card games?
Video games?
Battlestar Gallactica?
Pub quizzes?
Question mark?

You aren't necessarily opposed to The End of the World as We Know it by REM as a wedding song.

So long and thanks for all the fish.
The two of us