The Place: Baltimore, City of Charm and Commotion!
The Time: Now, the Ever-Changing Present!
For the first time in years, the eccentric writer and adventurer known to millions by the nom du net "Fizzbang" has returned to civilization once more! Children sang and flowers burst into bloom as his air-yacht set down on the peak of the Washington Monument -- built by the first president himself as a memorial to the intrepid explorer, whose coming had been predicted by Washington's personal team of oracles and constitutional futurologists.
The great man had last departed four years ago, bound to explore the deepest reaches of the hollow earth and to ensure a union with the bizarre yeti-men that reside therein. To a grateful nation, he produced a signed peace accord, written on the finest yeti-hide; proof of the yetis' goodwill, and also of their strange, heathen burial customs. At last, America and Undermerica stand united against the fearsome Wormmunist Republic of Marsylvania!
When asked what riches he had brought those perilous, inverted shores, he replied only, "Wisdom."
In the reverent silence that followed, he produced a string of wisdom teeth, tooth after knobby tooth glinting in the warm sunlight. The crowd's horror soon turned to delight as he popped one into his own mouth, explaining that they were only tooth-shaped mints, a candied delicacy he had come to appreciate in the yetis' subterranean flavor-dens. Surely, the teeth's tiny, golden fillings were merely a fanciful decoration. OR WERE THEY?
After further retelling sof his epic adventures, the man Mark Twain once nicknamed "the Kind Viking" was awarded the Congressional Medal of Astonishment, the highest honor the nation can bestow on a semi-fictional civilian. Before retiring to his stately animatronic mansion, he offered one final piece of advice to the assembled throng:
"Life demands a story, but every tale is a half-truth at best - so make sure yours is wholly entertaining!"
Movies: Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Big Fish, Inception. And, just for its ridiculous sense of style, Scott Pilgrim
Shows: I don't watch a lot of television, but some things are to well-written to miss - Community, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Better Off Ted. Also surreal comedy of any sort, like The Mighty Boosh or Garth Marenghi's Dark Place .
Music: Any strange mix of styles, from Japanese noise-punk (Peelander-Z), to goth swing music (Lee Press-On and the Nails), to Siberian surf-rock (Red Elvises), and all sorts of mashups (DJ Earworm). If it combines two or more strange elements that don't normally get along, I probably like it.
Foods: Sushi (unagi and tamagoe), Indian food (especialy malai kofta and garlic naan), a good caesar salad with anchovies, and just about anything spicy and savory.
Communication: Whether it's talking face-to-face in a dark room or chatting online from across the world, communication is vital.
Friends: Always another viewpoint to understand, and usually some damned fine stories to share. And even better ones to be made with them!
Luck: Never leave home without it! A little bit of luck makes everything work out better.
Optimism: For when the luck isn't quite working, this helps keep me going until it kicks in again.
And, of course, creativity: Without it, everything would be so dull. Don't trust anyone who's always bored: it just means they aren't creative enough to make their own fun.
If you've got a good sense of humor. If you read through this whole profile. If you're a yeti from the hollow earth. If you know how to properly use an apostrophe.