I'm in a long term deep relationship with http://www.okcupid.com/profile/nishdiye/ (his profile is just a quick outline and doesn't go into that much detail of who he is).
Wholistic gardening and wholistic health; earthly drumming and ethereal flute; the dance of the soul and the music of motion; creative and freethinking; part of the ecosystem (preferably forested); non-denominational earth centered spirituality; neither a leader nor a follower, but a partner; naturally inclined to strong deep commitments; the joy and intensity of youth and the maturity and wisdom of age and experience - both having nothing to do with years at all; polyamorous; pansexual; radical faerie; majorly into problem solving and empowering resolution in large and small ways; deep intensity to *live*; doing everything fully and not good at half-ways and hold-backs; dreamer and doer; philosopher in all things; knows the importance of not skipping breakfast ; honoring both logical and emotional extremes; grounded in reality with the ability to make that a healthy one; genuine caring and compassion; actively embracing the never-ending journey to become my full self; there to be strong for others as they find their way also; to bring what I/we have learned to help others and the world as a whole; knowing the joy in just being; seeing the incredible beauty in a rock or a twig; going places on the sound of water in a rock strewn stream or the wind in the leaves or a scent on a breeze or sun dappled shadows; childlike joy at any moment.
I am an eclectic individual of many interests, and enjoy spontaneity and endless philosophizing and speculation.
My interests vary a lot, but a few of them are permaculture, homesteading, ecology, natural sciences, cooking, architectural engineering (a hopefully future career, combined with ecology and permaculture principles), massage therapy, sensual massage, healthy living, *lots* of music of many sorts, dancing, canoeing, hiking, ..
Becoming one with a forest, smelling the loam beneath me, hearing the rustles and calls of life around me, feeling the breeze and the sunlight, watching shifting dapples of vibrant peridot leaves pattern against the vivid blue sky.. wandering down to the garden and tending it with dedicated awareness and affection, returning to our cabin with handfuls of fresh greens and all sorts of tasty things to prepare for supper.. feeling a deep sense of happiness and contentment as I see my loved ones sharing in the dance of thai massage on the living room floor.. exchanging frequent and affectionate loving cuddles and kisses.. supporting each other as we each individually and collectively find our own ways through our issues; sharing our joys and stability..
I am compassionate, gentle and positive. I tend to approach life with enthusiasm and joy. Compersion comes easily.
I can be relaxed and peaceful, but also I also feel deep intensity and passion in life.
I am not age-ist; physical age is not a search criteria for me (above adulthood).
I am pansexual; gender is not a search criteria for me.
The shape of your body, the color of your skin, and your heritage and culture are all aspects of what makes you beautiful and uniquely yourself.
Who you are, and the philosophies we share, are important to me. Those are my search criteria.
I have recently rediscovered this poem, and posted about it in my journal here (7/4/10). The Invitation It encapsulates many of the perspectives that I seek in others, and that I try to be true to in my own reality.
I am only interested in whole-person or subject-subject relating (vrs object-object or subject-object), whether sex is shared or not.
Communication is very important to me in a relationship. I am able to define my boundaries, and I genuinely believe that it is possible to work through issues.
Family and home come first for me, so I am willing to relocate. I can find happiness in almost all things and places. I do however find it very important to live in an environment that does not have a lot of pollution, so there might be some specific factors to relocating or sharing a home.
I actively work on my issues, whatever they may be, and have a strong drive toward personal improvement. I look for this approach to life in others. This is one of my primary criteria in judging any serious level of compatibility.
I use the term "getting fit" to describe myself, and I genuinely mean that. I put a lot of energy into becoming healthier, and have accomplished some pretty impressive things. However, I currently am not as healthy as I want to be - hence "getting fit".
I have recently lost 95 lbs, and even better, I feel a whole lot healthier and more energetic. I'm pretty proud of what I have accomplished despite the deceptive and hostile environment that exists in many cultures concerning weight gain (diet is a 4 letter word, and being overweight is not a social statement or a declaration of personal value). I look forward to healing myself the rest of the way, and am really enjoying how I look and feel at each point as my body changes. Of course I'm only interested in interacting with people who are supportive, or at least not detrimental to my efforts. However, I cannot share a relationship with someone who does not have good healthstyle habits. I just can't go back there.
To have an idea of my fitness level, I tend to work 12 hour days at a very physically demanding high energy job. (I do not use any stimulants.) I can briskly walk 5 miles without being winded (as long as I have good air quality), continue with the day's activities, and only have normal muscle tiredness afterward.
I would love to find someone who will explore the wilderness with me. There is so much beauty in this world. I long to live in it. My biggest dream as a child was to go out into nature and live as a part of that world.
I know I'm not even close to where I could consider myself athletic, but I have experienced being in that kind of physical condition. Returning to where my body can once again easily meet the expectations that I have for it is my goal. The world is too incredible to stay inside and not enjoy it.
One of the things that I look for (when I check someone out for relationship possibilities) are those who also value health and actively practice a healthy lifestyle. I have found that there is simply too much conflict within a household if people have drastically different health styles. This is not a personal judgment, just a practical issue. I know how hard the challenges are for people who face health issues. Note that someone who is addicted to sugar, caffeine, or processed food is not healthy in my opinion; nor is someone who simply swaps out supplements and herbs for mainstream drugs while continuing the same destructive lifestyle habits. This is definitely not a fat/skinny issue. Many skinny people are very unhealthy, and some overweight people currently practice great healthstyle habits and are much healthier than people who don't. The circles under your eyes tell me a lot more than your body mass ratio. I know I'm really emphasizing this point, but people frequently reply to my bio who do not match in this way, so I want to be very clear on it.
Numbers are not important to me, although I acknowledge the limits of time and emotional energy. I can deeply bond with more than one person, either in the same space in time, or over the span of my life. I am reluctant to use the word polyamory, because although this is what polyamory means to me, it means very different things to other people.
I am polyamorous because I am into lifetime monogamy. If that seems a contradiction, consider this.. In the course of our entire life together it is very likely that someone I love will fall in love with someone else. I want someone I love to be healthy and happy, and loving someone that is wonderful and good for them will bring that into their life.
So.. what about our love? Do we just break up? I don't believe that is the right thing to do. I cannot just swap someone out and someone else in because the one I love loves another (or for any other reason), nor do I want to. I'm not into serial monogamy, so thus I am into polyamory - *my* definition of polyamory. I have noticed that many definitions of polyamory are more like serial monogamy; either they swap people out or they draw lines in the sand that beg to be crossed some day.
11/1/09 I've moved the following from the beginning of this section to the bottom of this section to de-emphasize it a bit. It is still true, but you know what they say of time. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
8/03/09 For the past few months I've been finding my way through the final break up of a very deep relationship with someone that I met via pmm almost 7 years ago. I'm questioning a lot of things in life right now, and trying to learn what I can from the experience, painful as it is.
8/28/09 I am beginning to feel that the light at the end of the tunnel is indeed not an oncoming train, and am feeling a bit more lighthearted at times. I can fall hard, but I tend to bounce back pretty well. This will still be a long process for me though.
If you think we are a very good match for a relationship (not just by your criteria, but by mine too) *and* you wish to be there for me while I work through this, feel free to contact me.
Right now I am a good match for someone who tends to connect on a very deep level. Someone who enjoys thinking and discussing philosophy, even of sometimes uncomfortable subjects like societal conditioning. Someone who is comfortable with emotional intensity (at times), and isn't only interested in the fluffier aspects of relating. Someone who is compassionate, and also respects someone else's process (and is perhaps experienced enough to be happy that the other person will own it). Someone who understands that it is possible to have more than one deep bond at the same time, even if one is fading into the past and the other is just being formed. In other words, someone that I would be a good match with anyway. ;>
I am peaceful, intense, and compassionate
What I want to be doing with my life centers around things like gardening, going for long walks in the woods, building my home, creating and eating lots of healthy foods, and sharing love and great joy in life with at least one other person.
A brief summary for a very complicated topic, but at least it's something.
..To connect the dots and find out more about my life philosophies if you wish, I have a journal at http://sidhebio.livejournal.com/ Everything from impromptu essays on topics that are important to me, to old versions of bios. Please reply here though, so I can learn about you as well.
A book that I keep rediscovering, which influenced me very much long ago, is Dreamsnake, by Vonda McIntyre.
I was essentially raised by science fiction and fantasy books (mostly fantasy, since they tend to deal more with emotions and philosophy). Most of my ideas of reality come from there. I am definitely an idealist.
Many aspects of the movie Avatar spoke to me.
I tend to like things that have philosophical content, and dislike things that create intolerance.
I do not like horror. I have had entirely too much of that in my life to wish to seek it out for entertainment.
I emote mostly with rock music (in all of it's categories).. deep philosophy, strong emotions. But then, sometimes I tie into country as well. I can't really pick one type of music.. it's the content, both musically and the emotional message that I relate to. Music is incredibly important to me. I find that it is one place where I am free to feel what I feel, and think what I think, and sometimes find it echoed by another soul. I love techno, I love to loose myself for hours and dance, but I do not like the club environment, or more specifically the typical values of that scene.
When I was young I had a huge crush on John Denver. The messages he conveyed in his music are still very much a part of who I am.. These were not his popular songs, but his obscure "B sides" where he made really strong controversial philosophical and political statements. I've never been into his popular trite stuff.
Food wise, I tend to like things made with fresh ingredients. I stay away from refined sugars and chemicals, so most American processed food is right out. I'm a foodie. I can really appreciate an artfully done meal.
I'll integrate this in with the above later, but here is a more in-depth description of how I relate to music..
Music.. ah, that is a detailed topic. I'm really not sure how to encapsulate all that music means to me. It is the medium by which I share emotion.
It might be easier to say what doesn't call to me. Anything without some kind of pattern that I can follow, whether that be a complex drawn out pattern, or a simple repeating beat. I also do not like screeching saxophone or shrill trumpet. So that leaves out a lot of jazz. ;) But then, I really like Appalachian, so go figure.
I resonate with the emotions in music, whether they be in the lyrics or in the music itself.
I do not like the emotions of hatred, or aggression toward others. I do not like misogyny, or anything that promotes it. Yes, I feel a contradiction here with my connection to metal. No, I haven't resolved that, if it is even resolvable.
I do love sexuality in all of it's depths and variations, and feel that the two should not be confused.
I can strongly relate to pure clean pain, and somewhat to pain based anger. Shinedown - 45.. Breaking Benjamin - So Cold.. So many others I have strongly resonated with..
I can feel great happiness, and deep peace. I love Lorenna McKinnet, for many reasons including the various emotions she portrays in her songs. I love Enya, and many other artists in the category of New Age. Enigma, Kitaro.. World Beat.
I find meanings that I can relate to in many country songs, and many that I cannot.
Tribal.. Staind. The Cranberries. Sinead O'Conner. Korn. Tool. Mudvayne. Evanescence. Linkin Park. Peter Gabriel. Some Godsmack. Some Metallica. The list can go on and on.. There is no band that has won my complete loyalty, but there are many bands I like the styles of, or some songs from. I judge on both sound and meaning - I really treasure it when a song contains both.
Loosing myself in the drumming around a fire, in the dark of night..
Dancing with wild abandon among the fantastically garbed near naked sweating bodies of other Radical Faeries, while a fey dj creates loud soul pounding techno and house music on a forested hillside in an open three story strawbale building that is named the Temple..
Music means a lot to me.
Hmm.. warm water. I really can make do with very little, and have found myself "roughing" it in the woods many a time. At those times I've missed abundant warm water the most.
Healthy food. I've had way too much damage done to my body eating unhealthy typically American processed food.
Good air quality. Indoor air pollution really gets my health down. I tend to care about what's in my environment, stay away from things that outgas formaldehyde and other toxic fumes, and clean with a method that rinses dirt away instead of trying to kill germs with chemicals. I like to live in ecosystems that do not have a lot of air pollution, and keep my windows open as often as possible (all the time is preferable). Doing this has really improved my health.
Sharing happiness with others. I have found this is something that my thoughts return to over and over.. I really miss it in my life, and when I've had it I find I am very happy. I can be happy alone, but somehow my feelings of happiness are magnified to share that happiness with someone else. Especially someone that I care about.
In a relationship I tend to gravitate toward emotional depth and closeness. So I need to *not* be with someone who has a fear of commitment or closeness, or the normal expectations that a healthy symbiotic relationship brings. I know this is a "not-need" vs a "need", but it captures the essence.
I guess that leaves me one more to think on. ;)
I guess I would say that thinking about fairness - really trying to figure that out; it's extremely complicated and variable - is something I have spent a lot of time pondering over the years. Fairness is probably more important to me than anything, even love. Although love, relationships, and family have always been my highest priority in life.
I think a lot about the environment, and how ecosystems are being destroyed, and how much that upsets me. I think a lot about ways that this could be changed. Ways that people could live full happy healthy lives, yet not approach things in such a destructive manner. I know that for the most part people don't choose to be destructive, and that the system is simply set up that way and they know of no other options. I know that many people make a lot of money off of the gradual destruction of the environment, in all sorts of commonplace ways that most people never think about. Such as all of the ramifications of air conditioning, from the way that building codes force people to use it, to the waste of energy to power it, to the destruction of the local environment that would otherwise eliminate the need for it. Even how ironic it is to destroy yet more forests to fuel "alternative" energy in biofuel plants, to generate electricity to run air conditioners because there is no shade from the forest to keep the air from heating up too much. At each step someone is making money, and it's frequently not in the consumer's best interests.
I think a lot about how if people just opened their windows and connected to the world just outside their windows, and refused to live in places where the ecosystem has been devastated, that people would be much healthier and much more aware. We don't need climate control if we don't mess up the local climate in the first place. Clear cutting an entire forest to build a subdivision so that everyone can live in their closed up box with air conditioning is not a sustainable concept, either physically or culturally. AC does not make up for the cooling and cleaning effects of mature shade trees, much less that of a whole forest.
I have noticed that the effects of all of the devastation to the forests is never brought up during discussions on global warming. Between transpiration which keeps the earth's surface cool, and the ability of trees to absorb carbon dioxide and give off oxygen, the destruction of the forests is obviously a major factor. I guess it is not mentioned because there is no money to be made by not cutting down what is left?
And why is it that there was such a highly publicized objection to drinking water out of bottles, and the effect that has on the environment and one's health, but not of soda?
I waffle between deep ecology and compromise. I have a major distrust of corporations, large and small.
Politically I lean toward Green. I do think that there is a use for a government, although it has never been fully realized. I am socialist to a degree, and do not believe in a power structure. I believe that the whole point of the government is to protect people from forces such as corporations and others that would cause harm. It's what it is supposed to do. It is it's job. I wish it did that.
I believe in the concept of social anarchy, and consider myself a social anarchist. I discovered this concept by that name at Short Mountain, among the Radical Faeries, although it has always been obvious to me and true to my heart.
What would you do if you could just be yourself and do what you felt was right, without hierarchy and a power structure telling you what that is, and what to do and not do? How would that empower you? What would the world be like? What would it be like to live among such self-empowered people? How would you interact? What would you do?
In that environment I learned the concept of plugging in. Seeing a need and empowering myself to step in and do something about it, if I choose to take that on. Not looking to someone else as my authority, to tell me what was right or wrong, but to determine that myself. After all, the authority figures and media that we have in this country are not doing a particularly good job at doing so, so who else is better at determining what we each feel is right than each of us?
Although this is not true right now.. I'm currently working a job that tends to consume my life instead of complimenting it. I am content at the moment and enjoy many aspects of what I do, but I am seeking alternatives.
I have two small pieces of land that I'd like to homestead on, and snowbird inbetween. I guess accomplishing this is one of the things I'd like to do with my Friday nights. I have 3 acres about 90 minutes SE of Nashville, Tennessee, among the greater Radical Faerie community surrounding Short Mountain Sanctuary. And 15 acres in north central Florida near where the Suwannee River meets the Gulf of Mexico. Both are very rural and *very* conducive to homesteading without worrying too much about permits and regulations.
This really isn't so much private as "other". I'm looking for someone that I can trade room and board in exchange for a part time job (short term or longer term) preparing food for me - dinner and stuff I can eat while I work, and keeping a small kitchen garden. I live in a really beautiful part of Florida where there are a lot of estuaries, springs, rivers and other untouched wild areas. There are opportunities to hike and kayak everywhere. It would be a great opportunity to have a vacation for free. (We'd have to be roommate compatible, but it's fine if we are not relationship compatible.)
But I guess this one does boarder on "private", a little. I notice that most people expect me to move into their life and leave what I have if we were to end up in a relationship. I daydream about someone sharing my life instead. I have a really nice life, with a really fun job that allows me to be outside all day in some very beautiful places. I would love to share all of this with my partner. We could share the route and the work at home, taking turns driving about the countryside and cooking each other dinner. Or go out together on the route, and come home and cook together. :) It would be a blast! Honestly, I have the situation that I have always wanted to have in a relationship. It allows for lots of time together, and I have a really nice comfortable living situation. It would be great to share this.
If I "favorite" you and don't message you, it is because I like what I have read in your bio, but I do not know if you will feel we are a good enough match to be interested back. It is an invite to check me out, and reply if you wish.
I'm going to use this space to answer the question "What am I looking for?"
In short I'm looking for someone who cares. Not just about relationships, even though that is a main focus for me with this bio, but about everything.
Someone who is based in their right brain (emotional), but also equally developed in their left brain (logical). I am this way.
I'm looking for someone who understands that relationships take more than just communication. That they take empathy, compassion, and above all, a strong sense of fairness. That the time when it is hardest to work through issues and feel our love for each other, is the time when it is most important.
I am looking for someone who truly believes in symbiosis. I'm looking for someone who knows that this is something that doesn't happen by itself but needs to be created. Someone who will do their part to make it happen, and is committed to figuring out how to do that.
That when those you are closest to are healthy and happy, you are part of a strong, loving family, which in turn benefits you. That by helping to enable those you love to be their full selves, not only will you have joy that the person you love is healthy and happy, but your relationship will be healthier and more enjoyable, and they will be able to be there for you to help enable you in turn.
And that people average each other out in relationships. I am looking for someone who is aware of what they have to give, as well as whether that is what a potential partner needs, in addition to being aware of what they'd like to receive in a relationship.
I'm looking for someone who will be into *me*, and not just the things they can get from me or the needs that I can fulfill. And in turn I am only interested in being with someone that I am into. I do not want to be with someone because they can fill a need. I want to be with someone because I want to share this life with *them*.
I know that needs are fulfilled in relationships, but that should not be why you are with a person. You are with a person because you want to be with *them*, not just find a warm body (no matter how pleasant) to plug into that relationship dynamic. This is the difference between seeing someone as an object or as a subject. I have had a hard time finding others who understand this difference. Cultural programming teaches us to treat each other like objects.
We all have things we are working on. Working on issues is a good thing. It's the lifelong process of becoming our full selves. I'm looking for someone who owns their process. Who considers the effect of that in a relationship and will keep it healthy. Someone who will own their issues and ask for help, not just simply dump their issues on me to deal with. I won't shy away from being there for someone as they work through particularly knotty problems, but I am not interested in being projected upon and beaten up for it. I offer this same respect in return.
I'm looking for someone who's primary motivator in life is creation, not fear.
And most especially, those who share pivotal life philosophies.
Someone who is very ecologically oriented and tries to live within the ecosystem. Someone who has a strong sense of environmentalism.
Someone who has a respect for all life, not just human.
Someone who is not afraid of very deep intimacy, vibrant emotions, or strong commitment.
Someone who has arrived at the realization that by limiting another person's actions out of fear, it will not in turn create actions of commitment, respect, and love.
Exclusivity is an externally imposed artificial limit. I am looking for those who do not cling to the false assurances of that, but instead embrace love, respect, and commitment directly. Rules cannot compensate for trust.
I'm looking for someone who has a life commitment to doing the right thing, and figuring out what that is. (..It's a very complex issue.) I'm looking for someone who is trustworthy. I offer this as well.
I'm looking for someone who does not believe that it is normal for relationships to end. Someone who also feels lifetime love, and doesn't approach relationships with the thought that they can just replace the person when things get tough. Sure, sometimes it is the right thing to walk different paths, but that is not a reason to avoid the work of resolving issues, or to always have one foot out the door.
I'm looking for others who have seen the programming in our society, and the artificial and unhealthy values and ideals that this holds. Someone who has seriously questioned their gender programming, and how we are taught to relate to ourselves and to others.
Someone who has seen the corporate advertising trap for what it is, and shuns processed foods, diets, unhealthy medical (and psychiatric) beliefs, mainstream tv. I'm looking for someone who does not place a high value on distraction and empty entertainment, and does not seek to impress people or define themselves by such corporate and cultural standards.
I'm looking for others who define themselves by an inner sense of right, not by how people will react to that.
Someone who feels the pain and darkness in the world and does not shy away from the reality of that, and yet still chooses to live in the light.
Someone who has been through hell. ..and found their way out.
Someone who is spiritual, but not necessarily religious. (A seeker, but not a follower.) ..This applies to a general life approach as well.
I feel kinship with those who have a "fix the world" activist mentality that goes in a "diversity and equality, understanding and compassion are good; dominance and exclusivity, greed and hatred are bad" direction. The specific area is not so important to me because I realize that it is going to take many different approaches, and many different styles of approaches, to actually accomplish (and continue accomplishing) positive change.
And perhaps least important, but no less an obstacle, I'm looking for someone that understands that meeting over the net and getting to know each other is a process, and an investment of time and energy. Someone who is proactive enough to do their ground work on their own, and not expect someone else to do that first step for them. Someone who has put a lot of thought into sharing who they are, via their bio. Someone who understands that a bio takes the place of the first in-depth conversation where you discover the uniqueness that draws your focus and attention to the other, instead of one of several thousand others that just share some similar interests. (In other words "a pic and a paragraph" will not get a reply, unless you are an incredibly creative photographer and amazing with words, and manage to convey a whole lot in that small space. Also, if the main focus of your bio is on your house, job, looks, or hobbies, it still doesn't tell me who you are. Or perhaps it does.)
And most especially, someone who is honest about themselves and whether we really might be a good match or not.
I know this is where people's eyes start to cross.. and it seems overemphasized to put it in a bio. But.. the point of this is to find others, and hopefully have things build into a deep long term live together relationship. So, since such a seemingly insignificant thing can somehow become a big issue once a relationship is formed, I'll add this as well. I find it really sad that a life bond can fall apart over something as seemingly innocuous, but I have found it to be so. I'd figure that the bond would come first and function would be the determiner, but sadly not everyone feels so.
So with that intro.. I'd say I'm about a 7 on the cleanliness scale. I might let clutter build up during the week before catching up with it on the weekend (sometimes even when I'm not working 12 hour days ;), and I might leave projects laying about long term.
However, I like (us) to keep grunge from building up as a regular habit and I like (us) to do a complete spring cleaning several times a year. But then, I live in an ecosystem that has a lot of humidity, especially during a few weeks in the summer, and mold will literally grow on the walls at that time, so any slimy bacterial growing medium that was accidentally spread around by low kitchen hygiene with get nasty too. Plus the house will have a grungy background smell if one is not that clean. Air quality affects health, so thus it is important to me.
To live with someone, which is my goal in a relationship, I'd need to match cleanliness styles. So if you have a significantly lower number on the scale, there will sadly be conflicts. I'm happy to move up the scale a bit, as long as it doesn't dominate life too much beyond the need for health and sustainability. I enjoy the aesthetics of a spotlessly clean house, but I also enjoy creativity and being laid back, which tends to bring clutter. I try to find a balance inbetween. ..Can you tell this was a relationship issue in the past? ;)
Why is my bio so long and detailed, and why do I encourage other people to do so? Because several times I have tried to get to know someone and invested a lot of time and emotional energy over several months, only to have us realize that we were not a good match. I feel a bio is an excellent medium to take the place of that initial information exchange, so that when we check each other out the odds of being compatible as we form a connection with each other are far higher. This saves a lot of heartache and frustration all the way around.
Oh, and it would be nice if we shared some of the same interests. ;) Homesteading and being out in nature are really high up on my list.
But ultimately, a lot of interests are like pollen on a gentle breeze. They tend to fertilize those around them and create blossoms of interest where they may have not been before. For example, I can also really get into city life, if I were to live in one of the high energy very alternative urban hubs of uniqueness and creativity. But I do know I would miss my forests, so I probably would not enjoy that for too many years.
I have a lot more interests than the few that are reflected in this bio. (An strong affinity for horses..) I feel that interests are secondary match criteria, and this bio is an attempt at primary match criteria.