32 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
What is your spaghetti policy?

I once punched a United States Marine Corp Sargeant in the nose and he looked at me and said, "Dude, that was awesome." and then he punched me in the face.

I have a man crush on Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

I spend nearly every waking moment doing my best to make sure people are aware of the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide. If only you knew how many people died of asphyxiation as a direct result, would you truly understand the threat we face on a daily basis.

West Philadelphia born and raised.
On the playground where I spend most of my days.
Chillin' out maxim relaxin' all cool, shootin' some b-ball outside of the school.
When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "Your movin' in with auntie and uncle in Bel Air."
What I’m doing with my life
What does, Marsellus Wallace, look like?
*loud crash*
Describe what Marsellus Wallace LOOKS LIKE!
What? I... I...
What country you from?
What ain't no country I've ever heard of. Do they speak English in What?
Say what again! SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you mother fucker say what one mo' god damn time!
He, he's black!
Go on.
He's bald!
Does he look like a bitch?
Then why'd you try to fuck him like a bitch, Bret?
I didnt!
Yes you did. Yes. You. Did Bret. You tried to fuck him.
I didnt!
And Marsellus Wallace doesn't like to be fucked by anybody except, Misses Wallace.

If you ask really nice, I can recite this back to you from memory.
I’m really good at
Not projectile vomiting directly into someone's face when they tell me they do CrossFit. And trust me, it takes a tremendous amount of will power not to.

I can say the, "How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck..." tongue twister really fast. Like really fast. Seriously. I mention this because it means I'm very skilled with my mouth and tongue. UH OH, THINLY VEILED SEXUAL INNUENDO! Look out!

Thinking about things and ideas which are completely irrelevant to the task at hand. And, dinosaurs. Which are entirely relevant at all times.
The first things people usually notice about me
The obscene bulge in my pants.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies - Tossing shit out there. Old Boy, Fargo, Seven, Blow, Full Metal Jacket, There Will be Blood, Tarantino, Dead Man, Boogie Nights, No Country For Old Men, American History X, Ran, Jurassic Park, A Clockwork Orange. Independence Day, The Fly (Jeff Goldbloom anyone?), Monty Python (anything), Dumb and Dumber, Gladiator, Braveheart, Predator, Alien, Godzilla, Classic Star Wars, Princess Monoke, Akira, Anchorman, basically Will Farrel movies, Jim Carrey (not so much new stuff), Chris Farley. Brokeback Mountain (seriously that movie had me BAWLING). Yeah, movies make me cry. Big woop wanna fight about it?!

Music - Just gonna throw out some random shit. Lamb of God. August burns red. Glitch Mob. Justice. Wu Tang. Amon Amarth. Boyz noise. Blackmill. As blood runs black. Soulfly. Sepultura. Iron Maiden. Daft Punk. Birdy Nam Nam. Deadmou5e.

TV - X-Files. Breaking Bad. It's always sunny in Philadelphia.

Food - All of it. I like putting things in my mouth. ON NO! I KNOW HE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!

Books - Anything with a viking on the cover. Bernard Cornwell. Dan Abnett.
The six things I could never do without
1. Family
2. Friends
3. My computer
4. Wikipedia
5. Farts
9. Orange. The color.
A. Misha
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Things that are completely irrelevant to the task at hand... and dinosaurs. Which are entirely relevant all the time.

Wait, didn't he just say that?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout. And bathing in the blood of a thousand virgins, if I'm feeling saucy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I truly wish I could somehow remove the social stigma of farting in public. Because farts are fucking funny. Everyone is so concerned with concealing the funny trumpeting sound that all we get is the rank smell. How lame is that?

The hardest I've laughed in the last year was when my ex tricked me into picking up a pen she dropped and blasting one off in my face while I was bent over. It was so loud, and it startled me so bad, I fell over. I must have laughed for 10 minutes straight.

I was so proud of her cunning deception. And the sheer force of her flatulence. I swear to God if I wasn't directly in the blast radius, I could have heard the windows rattle.
You should message me if
The site of tortilla chip crumbs sprinkled throughout copious amounts of chest hair ignites a passionately burning desire deep down inside your hoo-ha. Yeah, get at me gurl.

I don't care if you're sassy. I don't care if you like whiskey. I don't care if you like to go on adventures. I don't care if you like live shows. I don't care how laid back you are. I don't care where you are from. I don't care how brutally honest you are. I don't care about how many tattoos you have. I don't care if you like craft beer. I don't care if you are unsure about this whole, "online dating thing." I don't care about pictures on top of mountains.