33Portland, United States
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My self-summary
Think of me like the old dude from UP, before he got all cranky. I'm pretty quiet, like to keep to myself for the most part, always complaining about those god damn kids and their rock and roll. But once you crack through my thick candy shell, it's all melty chocolate inside. Or maybe nougat. Not the Charleston Chew kind, the Three Musketeers kind.

I like to ride my bike, go on walks, read, and watch movies. I'm a big fan of the NFL (go Jets) and NBA (go Blazers). I like to cook (nothing fancy), and I like to eat.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently working at an office 3 blocks away from my apartment. Nothing better than being able to walk slowly to and from your home during a 45 minute lunch break. My day is spent listening to either my collection of MP3s which I copied over to my work computer or sports talk radio. It is good.

Spending a lot of my free time painting miniatures. Mostly fantasy (knights, goblins, dwarfs) with some sci-fi mixed in now and again (cybernetic apes). I have been painting for a little over 10 years now, since my junior year in high school. Every month is a different project, every month I get a little bit better. In my ideal world, I wouldn't have to work at all, my time would go towards painting. You can see some of my work here:

Clicky click click!
I’m really good at
Being a dry, sarcastic prick.

I'm also very good and non-verbal communication, like nodding at the correct places in conversations, slight scowls, wiggling my left ear. I would say I have mastered staring and blinking to convey displeasure. Or pleasure? Who can tell with me.
The first things people usually notice about me
My shadow has a green tint to it. I don't really like to talk about that though. Next question.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I'm always up for a good book. I actually have kept track of every book I've read over the past five years. I call it my Book of Books, although it is more of a thin folder, but Thin Folder of Books doesn't sound as good. I recently went digital with this, the name doesn't make any more sense when it is an Excel spreadsheet.

I mostly read science fiction and fantasy, especially by the following authors: Richard K Morgan, Glen Cook, Steven Erikson, Dan Simmons, Robin Hobb, George R R Martin, Joe Abercrombie, and Dan Abnett.

I also enjoy non-fiction, especially history focused on ancient Greece, Rome, the Middle Ages.

One of my favorite books of all time is Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto.

Also, I read comics. They're awesome, pictures AND words. A lot of Marvel, though I hopped on to DC after the reboot. And now I have gradually stopped buying DC, started buying more Image books. The Goon is the best thing ever.


I like movies just as much as I like books. All genres, classic, modern, smart, dumb, doesn't matter. Like Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act 2, I'm an eclectic.

Favorite Directors: Ridley Scott, Steven Spielberg, Quentin Tarantino

Favorite Movies (I own hundreds, so this is just off the top of head): Tombstone, The Darjeeling Limited, Garden State, Boiler Room, Munich, Return of the Jedi, Godfather parts 1 and 2, Kingdom of Heaven, Stripes, the Apatow crew comedies, and Pixar flicks.

Newish movies that have tickled my fancy: The two new Star Trek films, Drive, Pacific Rim, most Marvel flicks, and Gravity.


First off, Community is the greatest thing ever. I never miss an episode of the following shows (as long as my stupid DVR works correctly): How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, South Park, Parks and Recreation, the Simpsons, and Family Guy.

Also a big fan of basically all of HBO's original programs. Game of Thrones and Boardwalk Empire are great. Rome is perhaps the second greatest thing ever. Pullo and Vorenus need to get with Troy and Abed and have wacky adventures.

Shameless on Showtime is pretty fucking as well. Masters of Sex is off to a good start.


Historically, my favorite artist has been Meat Loaf. The Mountain Goats and The National are my two favorite bands who are currently producing quality music. Always can listen to The Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel. I'm down for anything, I'm really just a Youtube link away from liking an artist or song.


Mexican, Lebanese, Italian. I mostly cook my meals at home. I don't really eat fast food all that much any more, although I do enjoy some Taco Bell every now and again.
Six things I could never do without
My computer (It is how I buy things at a significant discount)
At least 2 hats (I tend to squint a lot when I don't have a hat on)
Peanut butter (Tasty)
My water proof jacket (Cause it's always wet out)
My memory (Or I'd end up like that guy in Memento)
Invisible time machine (You know why)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What to do with all these boxes of Raisin Bran.

Edit: I have done something...terrible. Apparently you can open them and eat what is inside. Forgive me Raisin Bran, forgive me.

(I regret nothing)
On a typical Friday night I am
Painting for a bit, then watching a Blu-Ray or two.

And apparently, I am being thrifty too! Thanks a lot, site. Letting everyone know I'm cheap. Lousy jerk algorithm.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My social security number is 579-15-8963.

(It really isn't, I just typed that for comedic effect. Or did I...)
You should message me if
A squirrel and a rabbit are sitting on a rock, high on a hill, overlooking a wide valley. The valley is very green, with a deep blue river winding through as far as the eye can see. The squirrel stairs straight ahead, unmoving, as if in deep thought. The rabbit looks straight ahead as well, though it will occasionally glance at its friend the squirrel for a few seconds before slowly turning back to the valley. They sit like this for hours, never speaking. As the sun slowly fades behind the horizon, the squirrel blinks, and turns its head towards the rabbit. They sit there for a moment like this, blinking. Then they both get off the rock, and go home.

Or at least that was their intention. Out of nowhere comes this flying saucer, shooting beams of all sorts (there were only three types of beams, but what the hell would a rabbit and a squirrel know about beams?), causing the only kind of havoc a flying saucer can. Long story short, the two furry mammals were abducted and carried across the vastness of space to the home world of the aliens inside the saucer. There they became god-kings, ruling with iron fists until the end of time. The end. Of time.
The two of us