30Manhattan, United States
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My self-summary
Competitive people baffle and worry me, so I tend to avoid Monopoly and cockfights. Seriously. Watching people get really intense about board games freaks me the fuck out. But I think you should always cheat at Monopoly.

I love language. Words. Foreign languages. Witticisms. Quips. Literature. Grammar. Sociolinguistics. Linguistic anthropology. Cognitive linguistics. Etymology. Language should be handled with reverence and joy and dizzying passion and whimsy. I like to hang out with other linguistics nerds who understand my excitement when I exclaim, "OH MY GOD Romanian retained a case system!"

Seeing the Nook station at Barnes&Noble makes me really anxious. So I avert my eyes.

Once a month I get really hyper and bake for 7 hours. Wanna learn how to make tea-infused butter? Awkwardly, I don't actually like dessert food, so I'm left with a dozen mini peach and brie pies and...dismay.
What I’m doing with my life
observing my dog as she becomes increasingly codependent.
taking superfluous language classes.
vaccinating dogs. fending off cats.
deluding myself with a revisionist history of my time in academia.
wondering how long I can conceivably put off facing the next 50 years of my life without going to law school. I considered it as a viable option until I realized that $200,000 and 3 years of agony is an awfully big investment just to avoid choosing a career.
watching in bemused horror as my eating habits deteriorate even further than I could have imagined was possible.
being consumed with guilt about my shoe addiction. or rather, blithely acknowledging said addiction and then promptly justifying my unnecessary purchases.
curating my petite home library.
I’m really good at
staying up late.
asking for directions but forgetting to listen to the answer.
making french toast.
learning grammar.
savaging people for borrowing my books and not returning them. (I will shank you)
also possess notable Forgetting To Eat skills, Reading All Day skills, and, whenever possible, Dancing With Wild Abandon skills.
The first things people usually notice about me
"My she naps a lot." Followed by, "Did you just wake up?!?"

I compulsively add unnecessary information parenthetically (brevity isn't the soul of shit).

I sing a lot. Who needs talent when you have an iPod, a french press, and unbridled enthusiasm!

Half of my diet is comprised of burgers and fries. Another quarter is coffee. The rest is about evenly divided between fro-yo and children's gummy vitamins.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
“After a couple of hours of Career Promoting, I felt certain that I would live a long, lonely, useless life and die alone and unmissed (did I mention that I never bothered filling out any grad-school applications?). It’s self-indulgent, I know, but this is what happens to the overachieving but essentially useless children of parents who raised their children to do well on tests but failed to equip them with the poison-tipped spurs of true ambition.” (how tragically apropos)

“A word means something; despite the maunderings of the lexicographers, it does not mean whatever you want it to mean.”

"The world inside myself is vaster and richer than this paltry plane, peopled with mere galaxies and gods."

"Just goes to show, we don't know shit about fungi."

"Lover much missed, my Where, my Why, my How. I wanna do you like all three dudes in Blue Man Group 'cause that's what color my balls are right now."
Six things I could never do without
pretty shoes.
pretty words.
french fries.
bright red lipstick.
the illusory promise of fall.
life is pretty miserable when I forget to charge my iPhone. I guess I could live without it, but really, why would I do such a thing?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
a) the current location of my chapstick (god only knows).
b) when being health conscious and waking up early became virtues.
c) language.
d) morality.
e) "Why I Am So Wise", "Why I Am So Clever", "Why I Write Such Good Books", [["Why I Am [Motherfucking] Destiny"]].
f) how frustrating and sad music snobbery is.
g) coffee. how I can get someone to go buy me coffee. how much coffee is contributing to my insomnia.
h) why I'm not currently dancing?
i) prescriptivism vs. descriptivism
i) "wasn't I supposed to be drunk for my early 20s?" when I was actually in my early 20s it was, "wasn't I supposed to be out of control during my teens?" I'm sensing a troubling pattern here.
On a typical Friday night I am
in bed reading, vaguely thinking about how I should be out doing something.
passed out after a week of sleep deprivation.
at home with my dog drinking slightly more scotch than is *strictly* necessary.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes I use oddly anachronistic expressions (see "ill-bred" below), because I read them so often during my teenage Victorian romance novel phase. Stop judging me. I was 16.

I can't point out anything on a map if it's smaller or more ambiguously shaped than Texas. Seriously. It's a real failing. I try, but I just don't have the memory/spatio-visual imagination for geography. Like, I hear "Yemen" and draw a complete visual blank. Then, mortified, I google image a world map. Two days later, I hear "Yemen"...oh fuck it. I have only a vague idea of where Kansas is. That is to say, it's not on a coast, so how can I possibly be expected to remember?

I'm unusually patient, but it seems so unlikely that it takes most people years to notice.
You should message me if
you flinch when people make glaring grammatical errors, but would never be so ill-bred as to correct them. (seriously. that's rude. don't be a dick.) you speak a foreign language or give a fuck about an oxford comma.

you understand the intricacies involved in the care and taming of introverts.
The two of us