42Philadelphia, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I'm an even-keeled, intelligent but not quick-witted chap, looking to cure myself of over-idealizing the process of finding a good loving partner in life, so that I can meet/date a bunch of people, make some new friends along the way, and actually run into some people with whom I could settle and sustain a passionate relationship that makes us both better people.

I'm very kind, forebear judgment as long as possible, and will spin elaborate theories to explain how some real d*ck-wad moves could have originated from a good and pure heart (I pretty much assume everybody's got one, even if they may have lost it underneath a pile of sh*t).

In the same vein, I train myself to not overreact. Whether being cut off while driving or in a crowded room when the stove-top bursts into flame, my first instinct is to think twice before over-reacting. In a work environment, when everyone else is running around in a panic, I'll be the one holding down the stuff I always hold down, and trying to help out or contribute direction and insight at well-timed intervals.

Myers-Briggs INTJ (, although I only took a rudimentary free test and I think I must be very middle-of-the-road on the Perceiving-Judging spectrum; INTP ( has a lot of me in it, too, but doesn't read like nearly such a nice guy (to me: sorry INTP's). Apparently, INTJ's are supposed to be good companions with INFJ's -- and a search of OKC has born this out so far. ENTJ's seem like a good type for me (recommended as 'pals' on the site above).

I think of myself as a capacitor in a lot of situations; a kind of buffer absorbing extremes of positive and negative energy and releasing them again when they can be best put to use (or diffused most safely). For a very concrete example (pun not intended), when driving on the highway, I think constantly about managing following distance to absorb others' erratic speed changes and contribute to establishing the maximum CONSISTENT road speed for everyone around me. Thanks to my high-seated work truck, I can see like 50 cars ahead, and make adjustments before anyone else knows what's coming. As a city cyclist, I usually know what people driving in front of me are going to do before they do. As a bit of a wall-flower observer type, I don't analyze a lot but I rarely find myself totally surprised by the swerves people take in their 'road of life'.

I'm also the guy who puts the toilet paper on the roll spool when no one else seems to bother to figure this out. Granted, there are some unnecessarily confusing spool mechanisms out there, but how hard is this? What ELSE am I going to do, while I do the do?

Some quotes I like and that apply for me, from others' profiles:

1) "Someone who accepts me just as I am, yet encourages me when I choose to evolve further or face challenges -- alone and/or as a couple."


*** Valerie June @ World Cafe Live! 10year anniversary Oct. 1st (tonight!) (sold out! got tix?) ***

*** Isaiah Zagar / Magic Gardens 10-year celebration Oct. 18th ***

*** Burger, shot, and beer at Rex 1516 on any Mon/Tues/Wed, only $15! ***

*** Afro-Cuban drumming jam most Sundays by Dickens statue in Clark Park (spring/summer/fall)(43rd betw Baltimore and Chester). ***

*** Kayaking (and/or canoing if you have one) anywhere in the region. Lock 60 on the Schulkill near Phoenixville is a low-key trip with no need to coordinate put-in and pickup (you can paddle the canal to get back up stream). ***
What I’m doing with my life
I run my own tiny business as a sole-proprietor electrician. I do conventional remodels, repairs and small new construction projects, mostly within a mile or two of my West Philadelphia neighborhood, and hope that some combination of incentives and markets/innovation will make solar PV and other conservation and renewable energy technologies a bigger part of my business.

I have expanded my business from one part-time helper to four full-time employees during the past 3 months, and I'm swamped with new paperwork and workload, but need breaks here and there, and fun folk to share them with. In the long run, I trust that growth will pay off for me and that I'll eventually have more freedom to vacation or pursue other things in the future. Lighting fixture design. Custom gadgets. Cooperative housing development.

For fun, I play afro-cuban rhythms with a loosely-formed group down at Clark Park on Sundays when the weather is good. "gilberto" is probably a mis-spelling of an afro-cuban rhythm I like to play.

I love the whimsy and tactile, psychic/spiritual allegory of flying kites. I haven't done this in ages, but I would totally wander Center City (or whatever neighborhood Google Maps -- I mean AppleCraps -- says has an old-fashioned quality toy shop), pick out a kite or two with you, and then go to that plateau above the graveyard above Kelly Drive to dodge crazy jet-powered remote-control airplanes (and maybe take down one or two, Calvin & Hobbes style... he he he...)
I’m really good at
Listening to friends and offering reality-check / nudges in new directions. But mostly just listening, since that's the main thing people usually need.

Following procedural threads with high focus. Troubleshooting, not chess. Sequential not parallel.

Tossing things across a room and having them land in the right place. I've noticed that 10 years in construction has won me enhanced dexterity. In D&D terms, I've maybe gone from a 13 to a 15 or 16.

I think I've always been a decent amateur masseuse. My grandfather is rumored to have been a 'layer on of hands', and like astrology, that's 'fun to think about'.

Bicycling in the city. Bicycling on rural roads.

Turning the ready-to-hand into a needed tool. Developing new language and analogies for situations that are new to people, including myself. calls this the "systems-building" asset of the INTJ personality type. Feels right to me.

Quotes that are true of me for this question:
1) "[cooking] things that start with olive oil, garlic and onions"
The first things people usually notice about me
Slim. Quiet.
Pretty blue/turquoise eyes that change colors and like to play when I'm not being too shy and/or worried that I'll freak you out by looking you in the eye.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Mermaid and the Minotaur
Open Minded
Denial of Death
The Second Sex
<< Read these together! Suggest additions to this 'watching from the threshold of psychoanalysis' reading list.

Memoirs of Elizabeth Frankenstein
Where the Wasteland Ends
Home From Nowhere
<< critiques of unreflective scientism's alienation of humanity from nature, and its (mostly historical?) distorting paradigms of gender/sex.

Calvin & Hobbes (the comics)

Octavia Butler (the ooloi scenes from the Parable of the Sower trilogy are some of the sexiest writing I've encountered -- not that I've read a lot of erotic stuff, alien-on-human or otherwise)

Gravity's Rainbow
The Corrections
White Noise
The Names

Lost in Translation (not the source text for the three-star movie with Bill Murray, but the philosophical book about immigrant language learning. This should be on every college sophomore reading list)

Washington Rules (mail a copy to Obama, or Romney if he wins)
Never Let Me Go for disturbing reflections on what cloning and biotech may bring to our world.

Hurly Burly

Raising Arizona
Fish Called Wanda (not so great the 2nd time, though)

Thin Red Line
Donnie Darko
Ghost in the Shell

Outlaw Josey Wales (sp?)

Ground Hog Day
Eat Drink Man Woman
The Cutting Edge

Waking Life
Blue Valentine


*Twin Peaks, *The Good Wife (but enough with the commercials! It's like they've gone from 40/20 content/ads to 30/30), *Cowboy Beebop *Battlestar Gallactica (new ones, although I used to crack out to Buck Rogers and the old ones on my local UHF reruns station, when I was, like, 12), *Caprica, *Weeds, *Intelligence (Canadian), *Whose line is it, anyway, *Dollhouse, *Buffy, *Firefly

* Kat Edmonson (

* Robyn Hitchcock (

* tUnE-yArDs (

* R.L. Burnside (

* Valerie June (

* The Virgins (

Jonathan Richman (fun!)
Carsie Blanton (relaxed intensity is amazing)
Joanna Newsom (better live)
Charles Mingus
Duke Ellington
Heart, Steamboat Annie album
The Happy Bullets
Bonnie Rait
Brandi Carlisle (raw power gracefully directed)
Bobby Peru
Eddie Brickell
Gypsy Kings
Cotton Jones
Nina Simone
De Kift
Ernest Ranglin
George Thorogood
Jethro Tull
Joni Mitchell
Michelle Shocked
Led Zeppelin
Mos Def
Red Heart the Ticker
Talking Heads
Valerie June
Violent Femmes
Tom Waits
Yoko Kanno & the Seatbelts

Tacos. Philly's taco truck scene is improving, these last couple years, but I miss Oakland where a good street taco was never a big search.

I like trying new restaurants and walking the neighborhoods where they are, either before or after eating. My favorite Philly restaurant so far was Astral Plane before it shut down. I had an amazing Ostrich steak at Audrey Claire and think the atmosphere there is perfect, but haven't had anything amazing there since -- just pretty good.

Burgers here can be really good. I like meat and veggie burgers. I like them at Village Whiskey, Sketch Burger, and Slate. Rex 1516 has a great deal for burger, bourbon and beer for $15 but so far the burgers have been a little over-worked with chef's creativity.
Six things I could never do without
Love (could be between me and a mysterious divine)
Water (for drinking and swimming, especially natural like creek, river, ocean, pond)
Sun (for drinking and swimming in)

A part of me likes the idea of living on bare minimum. I have a lot of friends who gracefully do much better than me at this, though.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to balance radical social change with the (need for?) centralized social systems like water supplies, human waste disposal, and energy for heating food and shelters. Can billions of people live sustainably on earth at any 'standard of living?' What does that look like and how do we get there without massive violence.
On a typical Friday night I am
Having a beer, winding down from a week of work and all the stuff I have to keep in my head to stay on top of contract jobs. Wondering if I should 'let my hair down' and forget about everything and try to spark energy for tonight, or recuperate and maybe try to go out later in the weekend.

I'm a bit contrarian about nighttime being prime time. I like being out and about on a clear sunny morning after an evening rain has swept things clean...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
From my answer to the OKC question "Ever been attracted to inanimate objects?":

Once, I banged my head on a door while opening it, got really angry at it, and then decided that being mad at a door was silly, and yet there was something to the flow of the force (the dark side). So I tried loving the door instead (the light side), and it worked well enough to be vaguely sexual.

I was 17 years old at the time.
You should message me if
Your friends are making you feel stupid for missing Nick Cave last night at the Mann.

You sometimes bring (or wear) your bike helmet into cafes and other public places, as a shibboleth of fun-loving health and sustainable living, in hopes of connecting with like-minded people.

I'm up for outings with any-gendered people, and with you and your friend(s). Romantically, I'm interested in women, one at a time, and preferably folks I can see more than once a week without resorting to a car. My experience here on OKC so far is that it's not really set up well to be searching both for 'activity partners' and for romantic relationships, but, hey, might as well put it out there. This can also take the pressure off first dates if you want a date but aren't in the mood to get romantic or like the person presented in my profile but don't get a romantic vibe off what I've written.

You feel like:

* Meeting for coffee (although I might drink something else; love coffee but I'm increasingly convinced it's terrible for you).
* Joining a Bicycle Club of Philadelphia ride that averages less than 15mph
* Finding a park to throw a frisbee around in (or telling me about some pickup ultimate that's friendly, probably coed and not hyper-competitive). Or teach me disc golf.
* You have (or can borrow) a kayak and join me for exploration of water near and far. (I won one in a raffle and haven't used it as much as I'd like, 'cause it's only a 1-seater). I have a Eurovan that fits two kayaks in the back for short trips, or on top for long ones. 2013-06: a housemate moved in who has a kayak, so now I have two singles for water outings. Your double canoe gets a double date on the water!
* Checking out free music or interesting entertainment somewhere
* You have some other interesting activity to suggest, within a few messages bouncing back and forth here on OKC (I don't want to spend a lot of time chatting by keyboard).

I'm especially in favor if:

* You live within a mile of 48th and Baltimore, West Philly.

* You are comfortable riding a bike in the city;
comfortable on no-shoulder rural roads a plus.

* We're a 65% or better match as friends or 'match'.
Men, women and queer gendered people are all welcome activity partners, though I'm unlikely to get romantic except with women.
The two of us