I am philosophical with a slight (not so slight?) sense of all-round adventure. I like doing and refining. It's just a matter of organisation and making time...
Say hi if you're like-minded or somehow feel inspired by/click with what you've read on my profile (yes, analysis of life, psychology, well-being, etc, is my serious geek hobby and related-to-but-not-my-official-profession...yet). I believe that basic communication should be free and easy, and that interactions/the simplest moments of life only mean what we decide it means. Ho boy, what life could mean. Personally, I believe I need to avoid drugs for my sanity.
All said, yes the profile is long. I'm not for everyone, and not everyone is for me. I quite dislike having this curtness on my profile, however... 'female' on internet, and partially because I look after children and therefore see everyone as once a child, it feels so wrong to ignore or write people off entirely despite - with absolutely no intention to be mean or judgemental - blatant laziness, stupidity and emptiness (as extreme stereotypes of common-enough behaviour). Ugh. Not necessarily in a bad way ugh. Thoughts. Plans. The vastness of options and opportunities and the requirements of efficiency. For the record I define "thinking too much" as "thinking more than required to get results", so I reckon I'm at a reasonably happy medium of not thinking too much, though there is always room for improvement. I am precious with my time for all of my own reasons, and I plaster this broad message to everyone, even though the ones who I'd probably enjoy talking to take it really seriously and are careful to engage, and the ones this message is most applicable to probably won't read it. And then there are the in-betweeners who I won't commit to more than a few messages (good-heartedly) but whom can appreciate my sentiment of 'I still respect/acknowledge you as a person, and why really care about a stranger's incidental opinion of you or where you can fit in their life anyway'. I may be slightly neurotic but have my ways to be relatively stress-free and fulfilled. Life sorted. :D :P
The rest of my profile is waffly and unnecessary to read. However, I'm sure the content gives a good sense of my core values/goals (which includes re-evaluation). In a sentence though: I think that being honest/realistic with ourselves, and continually striving to understand, is the core of a satisfying life.
(I really just keep adding without bothering to edit or delete)
This summarises the attitude I prefer, and I really hope it helps anyone who reads it:
I think that challenging the boundaries of human existence/ability is super cool. Eventually I will be a super cool, super fast jellyfish (current goal is handstands). Interpersonal neuroscience is my hobby. I like stuff. Feel free to share random messages or ask me for links/further info, for the sheer sake of "wow omg that's so cool".
People Are Awesome: everyday stunts compilation -
Remnants of old profile below.
Mostly online for people watching and sentimental value. Not looking to date (seriously not interested at all), make in-person friendships or even have pen pals, unless we could have amazingly stimulating discussions (in which case I may consider squeezing my suitably busy schedule). Chances are I am adding to my list of books and experiences I will never get around to... If you are a kindred spirit I may, very might-ly, tiny winy-ly want to be friends irl. Fun fact, I met my two best friends here.
I like being a full people with people. A person with another raw person. Ok, peep peeps? :)
I like to know the depths of things, and looove listening to people who are passionate and knowledgeable about subjects, even if I don't understand. I will try to understand, though. I love thinking and thought processes, and if you scroll down you shall see other -capacities- that I love about people.
I live a small yet ambitious life. It used to be empty and listless, now it is chockablock with all the things that make me happy. Working in Early Childhood (enjoying our time now, while laying strong foundations for people's lifelong psychological, social and emotional well-being - I love the analysis and reflection required), time with the partner Jake, pole fitness, plus one more hobby at a time (e.g. drama club, tai chi, pool/snooker... and Toastmasters is on the list uuuurrggg time, organisation and energy limitations), the occasional meal and dance night out.
I think, most of all, I love challenging what it means to live and develop as a human. And glitter, I love glitter. LOOOOVVEEE WEAAARRING ~~glitterrrrrr~~~. And. The word 'and'. Yup, I think that's about me in a nutshell. If I could live as a glamorous, high-class drag queen without scaring kids, parents, or being a safety hazard while driving in daylight, AND without the effort of cosmetics/wardrobe, I would seriously consider it.
Think ALASKA THUNDERFUCK but with no swearing.
Re: the rest of this profile:
TL;DR: Hello, values in life. Also, friendship. Friendship is good and not less valuable than 'romance'. I love quality over quantity.
Made this profile waaay back in 2006 when it was a quiz site. And when it became a dating site but had a journal system and was super social. Interesting memories. Managed to meet/chat to quite a few great people here, my partner included. I have considered deleting this profile a few times, but probably won't for a long while if ever. The memories and lure of more great memories to come are totally worth it.
- seeing Jake monogamously, happy to make new friends (to describe my relationship with him, he's someone i respect, admire and love -- not necessarily even as a partner or best friend. if he were a complete stranger and i knew the things i know about him, i would still think "wow, i'm really happy that this person exists". i love potatoes and i love him more than potatoes. That we are in a relationships means he will likely never be able to get rid of me (unless he asks but I highly doubt he will) <3
On a more serious note... I love Jake, partially because has treated me better than I used to treat myself. Apart from all the fun things he brings to my life, he has taught me how to love myself. He tells me not to let HIM treat me badly, he catches himself and apologises if he thinks he's been unfair or even just harsh, most of the time when I don't think there's been a problem with his behaviour -- he loves me and stays true to his values so much more than any personal ego. He is so kind and thoughtful, he is truly my best friend. More so than I can imagine. I love his mind, vision, insight and corresponding principles. I love his realistic, broad, analytical, idealistic, relatively humble outlook on life, even though others often mistakenly pidgeon hole him as unreasonably cynical or condescending. Oh, our entitlements are such a fascinating subject... I seriously love calls to question our own character, motivations, perspective and reason/logic. Super logical is much appreciated as long as it's relevant and time is allowed to follow :)
Relevance: do you value these traits and trains of thought?
Over the years I have often looked toward him as my greatest confidant and support system, and often he has told me he can't - won't - provide the validation or support I was seeking (for my emotions or point of view). Both because they clashed with his views, which reasoning he then clearly outlined, and because it was not his to give to me. Instead of simply saving me with quick fixes, "blind love" or platitudes, he has shown me where to embrace myself. As a result, I am so much more of myself, confident, secure, self-aware, comfortable with ambiguity and not knowing who or where I am in life - because I can only be what I am, it's not (ultimately) up to anyone else to dictate or judge, I am not fixed, and sometimes understanding simply takes time and experience.
A favourite inquiry: what is character, what is integrity, and how do I live consistently with these? It's also really lovely to reflect on the different perspectives that others and myself have across our lifespans.
- particularly passionate about ("optimal") personal/interpersonal and childhood development. very happily self-employed in private child care/education (mostly with 1-6 year olds, with some exposure to 7-12 range). considering becoming a child psychologist/family counsellor or taking some sort of advocacy role over the next 10-20 years.
^no really, the previous two points summarise my calling, and if i were left on my own, they would probably take up 70-85% of my life.
if you have specific questions about children, i will most probably give as useful and thought-out a response as i can, possibly with relevant links. golly, aren't i a friendly, helpful nugget.
- i'm a fairly open book, as i believe this is necessary for forming any meaningful connection. while i may not always give the desired answer/response, i will always value curiosity, questioning and innovative thinking. i am also told i am a strange and/or funny girl. who knows.
------remnants of old profile below----------
i have a particular appreciation for clear, consistent, insightful expressions of love/care/delight/personal growth/etc.
I am passionate, idealistic and steadfastly realistic about the nature and optimal development of humanity. I am also constantly in awe of the huge range of quality within human experience/perspective/interaction/existence (and how EVERY point on the spectrum can seem 'normal' or 'acceptable' - probably a testament to the malleability and resilience(?) of the human mind more than anything, imo. Not necessarily good or bad).
Such musings have been inspiration to work in (private) child care, carefully helping to build the foundation for people's social, emotional and psychological life. I enjoy interacting closely with parents as well! :D
I aim to nurture and protect resilience, curiosity, initiative, creativity, discernment, wholeness, personal wisdom and deep, genuine understanding/insight. I like seeing that spark in people's eyes, especially when working with children.
Regarding my favourite age group, well, what I do is basically all the same, but tailored to each stage of development (...including adulthood). I mean, it's great when kids can form coherent sentences and talk about things, but the challenging/engaging thing for me is picking up and responding appropriately to what's unsaid, figuring out which pieces of knowledge they need for things to actually make sense/'feel ok', and helping them to accept/work with reality. I mostly deal with 1-5 year olds atm. They are lovely :)
I have been gaining first hand experience and building up/testing out/modifying personal theories before deciding whether to move on from general child care. Probably won't go into teaching since I'd prefer a focus on fostering quality everyday experiences/perceptions rather than academics; Youth/Family counselling and Child Psychology seem to be the main alternatives.
in contemplative moods, i like seeing others' perspectives; when, why and how people change; what stays the same (when, why, how); what's truly vital and what's not. i like understanding underlying goals and motivations, how to meet all of them most efficiently (in terms of most happiness:least unhappiness), and how everything fits together. it satisfies me to dispel unnecessary mental shackles and negative self-fulfilling prophesies.
i used to be quite fascinated by social forces; people's perceptions; the creation, maintenance and evolution of real-life characters or personae; "genuineness" and moral fibre; and fairly universal laws. i'd say that for a while i was quite desperately -- almost hysterically -- looking for answers. while there's always more learning however, i seem to have integrated enough understanding into myself to just be happy and live :)
a few favourite quotes:
“Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure” -Henri Nouwen
“Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.” -Henri Nouwen
"History, as nearly no one seems to know, is not merely something to be read. And it does not refer merely, or even principally, to the past. On the contrary, the great force of history comes from the fact that we carry it within us, are unconsciously controlled by it in many ways, and history is literally present in all that we do. It could scarcely be otherwise, since it is to history that we owe our frames of reference, our identities, and our aspirations. And it is with great pain and terror that one begins to realize this. In great pain and terror one begins to assess the history which has placed one where one is and formed one's point of view. In great pain and terror because, thereafter, one enters into battle with that historical creation, Oneself, and attempts to re-create oneself according to principles more humane and liberating: one begins the attempt to achieve a level of personal maturity and freedom which robs history of its tyrannical power, and also changes history." - James Baldwin
"Unfortunately, when you react against something that is "sinful", you will often go to the other extreme, and you can get into as much trouble as you were in before. You can jump from the frying pan into the fire, or as I often put it, throw out the baby with the bathwater.
...Since integrity is never painless, reformation is much more difficult than revolution. Whether the... movement is going to be saving or damning will come down to whether it is a movement of revolution or of reformation--whether it can motivate the people attracted to its new ideas to do the painful work and practice the discipline required not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, to integrate the best of the new with the best of the old." - M. Scott Peck
"Affirmation is a way to avoid looking at evil. It is saying, 'Well, yes, my stepfather molested me as a child, but that was just his human failing, part of his being damaged in childhood.' Forgiveness, on the other hand, requires facing evil squarely. It is saying to your stepfather: 'What you did was wrong, despite your reasons for it. You committed a crime against me. And I know that, but I still forgive you.' That is not easy by any stretch of the imagination... It requires briefs for the prosecution, and briefs for the defense, and then appeals and counterappeals, until a judgement is finally brought in... Only after a guilty verdict can there be a pardon." - Further Along the Road Less Travelled, M. Scott Peck
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." -Henri Nouwen
"Indeed, the quality of our life is determined precisely by the quality of our judgements."
"The world is not a battlefield, although occasionally it may feel like it. You are not a victim, even though it is so pleasurable to play into our neuroses."
apart from being completely in love with my midget friends (i.e. kids i work with), might do some form of child advocacy and counselling/psychology at some point.
1. To live an honest, happy, fulfilling life with as little contradiction, hypocrisy and denial as possible. Aiming for engagement and meaning during each moment, rather than happiness and peace which are byproducts and unreasonable to demand all the time.
2. Greater perspective and patient collaboration expressing joyful love, grit and gratitude.
Interesting TED talk. Really loved when she said that infidelity (and in my opinion many drastic or desperate acts) was a desire to redefine and rediscover our "self".
Many acts are wrong and therefore cannot be condoned, yet it is so important to acknowledge all motivations, intents, and perspectives behind actions. To have courage in asking, sharing, believing in what we believe in, changing what we believe in where prudent. To live a good, honest life. Courage to live our own life while supporting others in living their own, whether our paths converge or not, rather than trying to control other people to maintain a farce that we are not leaving our own life and sense of self in shambles. To create a clear sense of boundaries and cause/effect.
To be aware and honest with ourselves is the hardest and most important part -- honest about all our intents, actions, impacts, desires, character, and then to have the determination to shape ourselves and our lives. To take ownership of our free will. This is important for people of all ages, from birth through to death. It is the cornerstone of trust.
It's interesting to think about "wake up calls", drifting through life without them, what it takes to have and answer them, and what calls to us in the first place. And the separate topic of "callings".
Sometimes I want to make puns but it just isn't happening. So I say it as if I made a pun anyway, and the awkwardness works if I really wanted to laugh. I usually only make these jokes around Jake, though, because he understands. (This trait got SO much... "more pronounced" after joking around with 4 year olds. Nothing makes sense. But we are happy and no one gets hurt so what the hey. The meaning of life!)
an exceedingly excellent book is John Gottman's "The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child." (possibly one of the wisest, most perceptive and practical texts i will read in my lifetime. the messages are stated simply, clearly and with many day-to-day examples that are easy to relate to. the concepts may easily be generalised to adult interactions - in fact, this is encouraged since it's difficult to teach kids what you don't preach. Gottman is my hero for making/compiling a pretty comprehensive science of everyday dynamics within families and couples.)
Daniel Hughes, who used to write a lot on the ins and outs of effective foster care. brilliant stuff and often counter-intuitive, particularly with regards to children with a (chronically) negative self-image. edit: he has recently expanded the application of his perspective to all children/people. "Brain-based parenting" probably trumps Gottman's "the Heart of Parenting" for me, by a very slight margin.
not huge on fiction, but occasionally authors like Jacqueline Carey, Patrick Rothfuss and David Weber will be recommended to me. and books like Ender's Game.
and food for thought for those who like personality tests:
i hardly watch movies if left on my own, but here are some movies i've enjoyed: phone booth, serenity, hannibal, reefer madness (the musical), up, How to Train Your Dragon, district 9, sorority boys, kick-ass. The Princess Bride (1987). i like hong kong made martial arts films/classics (e.g. once upon a time in china). zombieland, star dust. and some anime.
the rest don't make the cut to be listed, for reasons uncertain.
whether i'm a foodie depends a lot on my moodie. (sorry, lame, i know, but odds are i'd be up for cooking or discovering new foods)
"Why does one repeatedly rise in the morning, eat, drink, and go to bed again? The child, the savage, the healthy young person does not suffer as a result of this cycle of senseless automatic activities. If a man does not think too much, he rejoices at rising in the morning, and at eating and drinking. He finds satisfaction in them and does not want them to be otherwise. But if he ceases to take things for granted, he seeks eagerly and hopefully during the course of the day for moments of real life, the radiance of which makes him rejoice and obliterate the awareness of time and all thoughts on the meaning and purpose of everything." - Hermann Hesse
people watching. i wonder about their stage in life, how they may have been as children, what molded them into who they are today, how they portray themselves to the world, and the underlying motivations/goals (both 'personal' and those which seem quite universal among people). i think about my friend, families and children (the ones i work with); how they will grow up; how they are growing; the direct impact my actions (will) have; how i can improve my interactions with them; which experiences they'd benefit most from in the near future.
sometimes i think about time and how each person can't get back the stages of their life -- particularly apparent watching babies turn into toddlers turn into preschoolers... such drastic changes. brings to the forefront how valuable it is to invest our time/energies wisely. sometimes i think about how each stage of life understands and applies wisdom differently.
ummm... i'm not sure how much the following makes me a 'boring workaholic' or a 'passionate, purposeful individual', but it and how to put it into practice have been on my mind too:
Ellen Galinsky’s “Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs” (book – 'Mind in the Making')
1) focus and self-control – emotional regulation; EQ; moral and personal development
2) perspective-taking – EQ; empathy; making social predictions; conflict resolution; problem-solving through sourcing new solutions, ideas and alternatives; growing imagination
3) making connections – understanding our world, our human experience and our possible impacts; pattern recognition; cause and effect; correlations; meaning-making
4) communicating – linguistic and body-language
5) critical thinking – the tool for empowerment through insight, wisdom and personal clarity
6) taking on challenges – resilience, will, confidence, stress management, depth creation
7) self-directed, engaged learning – precursor for creativity, joy, a sense of fulfilment, mastery
Considering entire disciplines have been established to study just one subcategory, it's very possible for a person to die at a ripe age before fully delving into this narrow section of possible knowledge. Or explode in the head while trying. Hence my meagre attempt on okcupid to find talking buddies who will entertain, analyse and derail my/our trains of thought. And just be around in companionable silence. 'Presence' is another interesting subject/experience.
Oh, the possibilities.
I Lick My Brain In Silence:
It was kinda said like a warning not to get pregnant. And that there is no way to lie to myself about my state of pregnancy. So be careful. Be very careful.
Do not have sex. Because you WILL get klamydia, and you WILL die.
(Mean Girls reference)
But think about it, wouldn't it be the freakiest experience if vaginas did instantly seal up upon contact with semen. Like... angler fish....
ha. haha. also for the sake of it, to answer a common question:
a surprising number of people have convincingly said they've read my profile. as for my take on it, the ones who try are the ones who don't really need to read it because they have the necessary base motivation for decent interaction... and the ones whom I ask about my profile generally just don't care or relate well enough to have a proper conversation with, so... yeh. whatever. my profile is semi-ornamental. sort-of serves its purpose. it is super waffly and i'm actually pretty happy if people don't read it.
(ftr, i don't think i reply that selectively. but if i don't within 3-5 days, either your message was particularly uninteresting, i was particularly lazy, or something quite new and exciting has happened. feel free to message again for an explanation.)