32 Brooklyn, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I got my degree in Political Science, and then realized I hate politics. I've always been a fan of Actual Science, so I'm currently studying computational mathematics.

My sense of humor is a mix of confrontational and off-the-wall absurdity. I think anything can be funny. You'll find it impossible to offend me. Go ahead, try.

I love debating, but only if I feel like the debate will be fruitful for at least one person involved (meaning there's a non-zero chance someone could change their mind.)

I really like to dance and sing. Unfortunately, I suck at both. This won't stop me.

Probably my most annoying trait: It's impossible for me to not point it out when someone says something factually wrong. I'm basically this guy.

That's all I can think of right now. I think I'm pretty great. But you don't have to take MY word for it! Just look at these rave reviews:

Lisa: "I am consistently delighted and bewildered by you. In a way that I should be terrified but I can't muster it."

Coworker: "I think I'd shoot myself if you didn't work here."

Alex: "There's been many times where I wish I could be your brain for a day, just to see how you see the world. Pretty sure that'd be a fantastic day."

Erica: "Graham, ladies and gentlemen. He can take anything cool and improve upon it. It is both wonderful and thoroughly entertaining."

Another coworker: "You're weird. You're mean a nice way?"

My sister: "Well, you ARE a little bit like an alien."

Diana: "Hey, remember that time you gave me a back massage and I had an orgasm?"
What I’m doing with my life
Every day I'm hustlin'. Well, every other day. Okay, at least once a week I am definitely engaging in hustle-related activity.

I have an ongoing mission to find the most batshit insane religion on earth and join it! I've recently abandoned Scientology for Nuwaubianism! Got a crazier one? Let me know!
I’m really good at
Offending people for the sake of the almighty LOL.

Noticing hidden assumption in arguments.

Hiding from predators in wooded thickets.
The first things people usually notice about me
I smile a lot, because I often let my mind wander to things I think are amusing. When I was in Thailand a couple people trying to pitch to me yelled out "You! Happy Man! You want designer suit?!"

On the internet, apparently the first thing people notice about me is that I look like Nathan Fillion. Nobody who's met me offline has ever said this, so I think I just take Fillion-y pictures.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Mother Night, Pillar of Salt, Everything is Illuminated, The Mouse That Roared, Maus, The Brothers Karamazov, Catch-22, Dune, Things Fall Apart, Anna Karenina, Lolita, God Knows, The Quiet American, Kafka on the Shore, Norwegian Wood, The Watchmen, V For Vendetta, Kushiel's Legacy Series, His Master's Voice

Movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Clockwork Orange, Memento, Trainspotting, Wild At Heart, Being John Malkovich, Before Sunrise, Natural Born Killers, Chasing Amy, City of God, Pulp Fiction, The Usual Suspects, Dirty Pretty Things, Dr. Strangelove, The Big Lebowski, Taxi Driver, The 25th Hour, Blade Runner, A Scanner Darkly

Music: Jenny Lewis, Leonard Cohen, Muse, Goldfrapp, David Gray, Poe, Jay-Z, The Flaming Lips, Dan The Automator, U.N.K.L.E., DJ Shadow, Charles Mingus, Miles Davis, Massive Attack, Damien Rice, RJD2, Black Star, Portishead, Radiohead, Bjork, The Shins, Shivaree, A Tribe Called Quest, The Roots, Minnie Riperton, Outkast, Bill Evans, Nina Simone, Wes Montgomery, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin

Food: Almost anything, if prepared well. I really enjoy cooking and experimenting with different mixes of food. Everything I make is too spicy for normal human beings.

TV shows: South Park, 24, The Maxx (bonus points if you actually remember this eerie-ass show), The Sopranos, Firefly, House, Dexter, The Wire, Deadwood, The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Penn & Teller's Bullshit, Veronica Mars, Game of Thrones

Because I spend more time on the internet than any of the above, here's a list of my favorite things online: Hardcore History, The Verge, Rationally Speaking Podcast, The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, Dan Savage's Podcast, Sex Nerd Sandra, LessWrong, Legal Nomads, HPMOR, 3 Quarks Daily
The six things I could never do without
A sense of humor.

The internet. With broadband. Someday, I'll tell my grandkids horror stories that involve dial-up modems which forced me to wait whole MINUTES just for a naked photo of Carmen Electra.

A passport

A Kindle. Now that I have it, I can't believe I ever existed without it.

Delicious food. I attempted Soylent for a few days. I was not a happy person.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I wonder if there's a greater than average number of polyphasic sleepers among polyamorous people. I feel like there should be. Shared linguistic roots aside, it seems like it'd be easier to optimally construct a sleep schedule for everyone to ensure that there's always at least two people awake who want to bang each other.
On a typical Friday night I am
Making a half-pony, half-monkey monster to please you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I am a mystery.

I encrypt my flash drives, despite not having anything illegal, secret, or even interesting on them. I just like encrypting stuff. It makes me feel like a spy!
You should message me if
You don't find my lack of faith disturbing.

I put a number of random quotes and references from things I like throughout my profile. If you've recognized some of them, you should probably message me. If you recognized ALL of them, we should probably get hitched.