35 Brooklyn, United States
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My self-summary
I enjoy long, romantic walks to the fridge.

Also, Pizza and butt touches

The dating site says that I should also talk about these four points so as I don’t waste my time and be successful here, so let me address each one:

1. Talk about your hobbies. – kicking puppies
2. Talk about your goals/aspirations – finding a rich woman to take care of me
3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique – I’m not unique in the least bit
4. Your taste in music – my own drum

OK girls, waiting for your emails…go
What I’m doing with my life
Many, many things
The first things people usually notice about me
incredibly ridiculous good looks
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Food: I love to eat it
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Who picks up a seeing eye dog's poop?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I wear a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries…and it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
You should message me if
You've got gap

For all of the girls who send me messages like "Hey" or "What's up?", here is my automatic response letter:

Thanks for the ego boost, but your pathetic half attempt at capturing my attention has not even aroused the slightest bit of interest on my side. To make you feel better, I will tell you that I am only slightly less miserable, sitting here, by myself, waiting for 'hand lotion time again', drinking booze, since someone more pathetic than myself has bothered to write me. Thanks, I guess"