50Crown Point, United States
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My self-summary
Okay... I'm back.

Now... before I babble on about me, let's find out what others have said about me:

"Making love to this man is like discovering a new religion." - An actual OKC User

"Honeybakedham is amazing. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s the sort of hip and irreverent comic talent that only emerges once in a generation." - Zach Galifianakis

"I met the defendant at a music club. He claimed to be a producer and talked a lot about how he liked ethnic girls. It was more than just a little creepy." - Another actual OKC user

So, yeah... I have gotten around, and now I might be getting around you.

If you look at my details, you'll notice under job, I list "Artistic/Musical/Writer" and that's totally not true. I am artistic. I am a photographer and a writer... but in no way musical (aside from exceptional taste). But I am also a full time student.

After years of cube based drudgery, I decided that wanting to wake up in the morning would feel better than wanting to eat lead paint, so after my latest lay-off (inspired by the poor fiscal management of the Republican party) I decided to be a student again and begin working toward a more rewarding life.

I am an improvisational comic and I'm working on being a stand-up comic. I hold down a few part time jobs while taking full time classes. I can cook reasonably well. I still have 85% of my vision. Some days I don't feel too much pain in my extremities.

If you have a high "enemy" rating... it's probably factoring religion. If you believe the good lord lights your path... I am not your target demographic.


Here is how I check out your profile... I look at the first photo and think, can i stand to be in the same car as this person on a long trip? If yes, I then go to movies and music.

If you have demonstrated compatible tastes in media, then it's on. Look. If we hook up, we'll enjoy the sex and the dates and long walks on the whatever... but at the end of the day, we need to agree on what is playing in the car or what to see at the movies. I don't care how well stacked you are, I am not listening to Ke$ha. I'm just not gonna do it.

Next, I want to know if you love cats. Why? Because cats are fucking awesome!

Now... I read the profile top to bottom, swoon, imagine our life together, smile, get a little wistful, click on your pictures, get lost in your cleavage, touch myself inappropriately, log off, fall asleep after forgetting to bookmark you, get up, lament my miserable life, crumble under the weight of crippling insecurity which prevents me from ever messaging you, struggle for years to make peace with the absurdity of existence and the finite nature of life, then die sad and alone.

We could've had something... but you were obviously too awesome and could do so much better than me, so I just sat in a studio apartment for forty years, eating soup from a can and cuddling with various cats. Sorry you missed out.


I'm going to stop writing here... but I am not finished...
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to make comedy and art. Planning new career paths.
I’m really good at
I can build an insanely powerful computer from scratch using nothing more than grit and $3000 worth of parts I ordered from NewEgg.com

I can make any server, male or female, smile. (and they deserve to smile)

I can make killer garlic bread... which is a shame because bread makes us fat :-(

I can create a voice for every stuffed animal you own. And if you don't own any stuffed animals, don't worry, because I do.
The first things people usually notice about me
Well, I guess there's the hat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Look... I've read books. Okay? Hell... I've published a few. But I'm not a bibliophile. I don't get creamy over the smell of musty paper. But if you must know... I grew up reading sci/fi... Niven, Pournell, Asimov, Pohl, etc... but I graduated from that and I don't really remember all that much.

As an adult I read way more non-fiction than I do fiction, but I am committed to reading every book Douglas Coupland writes, and I've read every one except his latest which I'll start (and finish) before our first date.

Now movies... I am a Cinephile... My small library is at about 1500 titles (no bootlegs... I'm not a monster... I'm 100% legit).

I worship at the alter of Scorsese. Love Goodfellas, Casino, Hugo, Wolf of Wall Street, Taxi Driver, Mean Streets, and every last one of them.

Also, The Godfather, Lawrence of Arabia, On The Waterfront, A Touch of Evil, A Face in the Crowd, Sunrise, Eclipse, Armacord, Jaws, Nashville, Empire of the Sun, Easy Rider, The Shining, Breaking Away, Born on the Fourth of July, Unforgiven, Marathon Man, to name but a few.

Of recent films, I love all the Marvel comic films. I love all Judd Apatow films... This is 40, Funny People, etc... I love Adam McKay films, such as Anchorman... and yes, despite an IQ of 150, I love Will Ferrell. This year I was knocked out by American Hustle and I rather like The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

As for TV, it's Walking Dead and Mad Men... anything else I can leave. I like a lot of shows, but I don't follow too obsessively. I'd rather be going to a comedy club or a gathering with friends. With On Demand and DVD, there is no reason to ever schedule a life around TV.

Music starts with The Velvet Underground, progresses to The Smiths, and ends with The Arcade Fire. In there you'll find The Talking Heads, Elvis Costello (the one true king), REM, Of Monsters and Men, DEVO, Pink Floyd, David Bowie (the one true god), They Might Be Giants, Bauhaus, and a veritable smorgasbord of alt rock, punk or prog classics and contemporaries.

Food... is a weird thing to mix with media... but Pizza is from Chicago, any steak done past rare is shoe leather, there is no bad seafood, salad is essential, and nothing is wrong with a nice bowl of soup. I try to eat healthy and sometimes I succeed. I have a weakness for buffets. I don't gorge on them... I just like the empowerment from filling your own plate your own way. (probably a residual childhood agency issue)
Six things I could never do without
Chicago Style Pizza
The Canon 7D DSLR
Fucking Profanity
An Alibi
The Great Cause of Progressive Politics
My Cats

(Yeah... I said "my cats." I love my goddamn cats. You have a problem with that?)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Comedy. Second City. UCB. iO. A litany of stand ups. I think a lot about comedy.

Also, let me register my formal protest (again) that OKC foolishly removed the journal feature... thus making this site far less useful. When we could all keep blogs here, it was easy to really get to know a wide variety of people, and not just for dating. But it seems the new owners of OKC are more interested in a meat market than a meaningful meeting place... but hey, I like meat, so here I am.
On a typical Friday night I am
Curled up in the fetal position and trying to rock myself to sleep after a good cry.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have killed before...
...and I'll do it again.
You should message me if
If you like casual sex... but you love formal sex.
If you can process my tax documents.
If you can carry a reasonable amount of firewood.
If you can't, or just barely can't, remember where you were when JFK was shot.
If you live indoors.
If you know when to fill your pizza hole!
If you hate all the things that I hate!
If you know where to score.
If you'll strike a pose.
If you can name at least three film directors.
If you can turn off that goddamn phone for ten minutes.
If you get horny for aging diabetics who swear a lot.
If you can accept the fact that I'm never gonna be THAT guy.
If you love cats.
The two of us