Honkifyahorne
32Ames, United States
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Honkifyahorne
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My self-summary
I am considered by many women to be "manageable". Many have attempted to tame me, and all have succeeded in a matter of days. I am like an old baseball glove, beaten down by life, but still intact with a lingering leathery musk. It's completely coincidental that I rub my body daily with oil.

I'm looking for a girl who is super mean, you also have to be really clingy and jealous so I can make believe that other women are fighting for a place by my side while walking smugly wherever I go. You must have a Motherly quality to you, not for any kids we might have but for paying attention to all the cool things I want to show you I can do and to comfort me when I hurt myself. Baking me cookies will also earn you much needed points.

Upon meeting, our first date will start off with an excruciatingly intense staring contest until one of us blinks. We will do this for two reasons, 1. So I can delve deep into the very core of your being uncovering the deepest darkest secrets you possess and unveiling your past while simultaneously looking into your future to find the exact moment in time you undoubtedly will betray me so I know when to stock my fridge with 7 pints of Chunky Monkey to consume until I cant feel feelings. 2. I like eyes. After "The Amaze Gaze" as I like to call it, we will go to the nearest Sky Zone Trampoline Park where you will sit on a bench while I show you all the cool flips and spinny jumps and slam dunks I can do. You will earn points based on how amazed you are. If you pass that test we will proceed to trampoline dodgeball on teams against one another. Here you will find out if I like you by how many times I hit you as hard as I can with the dodgeballs, it is the only way I know how to show a woman that I like her because I am shy. If the date goes well, I will stalk you until I find out who some of your friends are. I will choose one and stealthily break into their home at night and stare at them while they sleep until my presence is felt. Then, usually after much calming down, I will give them a note to give to you asking if you would like to go on a second date. You will circle yes, no, or just friends, and we go from there.
What I’m doing with my life
I am living in Ames, Iowa. I work at a job, its not the best, but its not the worst, it has some pretty nice perks. Whenever it isnt summer, I mostly just wait around in anticipation for summer.. Because every summer I play baseball. If I could have sex with the game of baseball, I would. I dont think its possible though because 1. It is not a sentient being, and 2. Id have to take my nutcup off. I feel like its important that you know this going in, it will prevent a lot of confusion.
I’m really good at
Procrastinating being an adult.
The first things people usually notice about me
Although i hate my smile, people probably notice it first.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Awww yeah, time to nerd it up. All the Harry potter books which i have read multiple times each. Love japanese anime/manga, i dont care if im to old for it that shit rocks, naruto, bleach, FMA, deathnote, cowboy bebop. I'm a giant superhero fan so any superhero movie is usually gold to me. There are exceptions to that because they just get it completely wrong in some movies... I like all sorts of music, no specific style. And i will litterally eat anything once, and probably more than once.
Six things I could never do without
Baseball.
Air.
Sex.
Friends.
Fitness.
Chicago Bears.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Oh boy... What super power I would have if i could only choose one. What I would do if i won the lottery. Whether or not I should quit everything in my life and try to become a ninja.
On a typical Friday night I am
Working. But after that trying to find something fun to do.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I got hit by a semi-truck in a car and lived. Clearly I am invincible
You should message me if
You are looking for some fun
More
The two of us
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