40Buffalo, United States
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My self-summary
Why do I just wanna lay on the floor and eat donuts covered in chocolate peanut butter everyday? Can I turn that into mating ritual somehow?

I'm well traveled.
I'm well educated.
I'm uniquely humorous.
What I’m doing with my life
Like everyone else I'm dying ... slowly.

OHHHH! You mean in the meantime.

Keepin' it fake!

Working in STEM fields. Previously neutrino physics, and now finance (statistical analysis, mathematical modeling, etc.). Saving money for a multi-billion dollar corporation that finances public works projects, multiple federal governments, etc. (No this is not an Illuminati reference you conspiracy nutjob.)

On the weekends I punch bunnies in the face, collect their tears into a vial, and then sell the vials filled with bunny tears to wizards and witches. I've been bit thrice, once by a wizard.
I’m really good at
Simply because I do something well, does not imply I do it with untainted perfection. On the contrary, Alexander Pope says it's a quintessential display of my humanity.

"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing" - Archilochus
The first things people usually notice about me
No one notices me, unless I'm wearing my red pants*. When they do they just go on about how I'm smart. They have no idea.

*There's currently a debate raging about whether the pants are red orange or a yellow red. The official color as stated by the manufacturer is red clay.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Currently Reading: The Theoretical Minimum by Leonard Suskin and Beat the Market by Edward O. Thorp and Sheen T. Kassouf.

Favorite Google "did you mean" of all time: I typed the phrase "big American breasts" [points if you get the reference] into Google translate, and Google was all "Did you mean: big African breasts". No Google. That's a baaad Google.

Almost as racist as the time I asked my mother "Are they crack-babies". To which she replied " I don't care what color they are." WTF?

Best 3 pickup lines of all time:

#1 - Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

#2 - Will you hold my drink while I go take a shit? (if she says yes she's a keeper.)

#3 - Let's not turn this rape into a murder.

Stand Up Comedians - Kathleen Madigan, George Carlin, Greg Giraldo, Bill Burr, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K., Brian Regan, Pablo Francisco, Harland Williams, Alonzo Bodden, Maria Bamford, Daniel Tosh, John Caparulo, Patton Oswalt, Wanda Sykes, Craig Shoemaker, Chris Rock, Bobby Collins, Eddie Izzard, Ralphie May, Orny Adams, Jackie Kashian

Movies - The Godfather, A Few Good Men, Unforgiven, The Good , The Bad, and The Ugly, Million Dollar Baby, Dirty Harry, Forest Gump, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, Casablanca, The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, To Have and Have Not, Key Largo, On the Water Front, Good Will Hunting, Pitch Black, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Yojimbo, Enter the Dragon, Fist of Legend, American Beauty, Ocean's 11, Man on Fire, Scent of a Woman, Top Gun, Jerry Maguire, The American, Out of Africa, Batman, The Dark Knight, Blade Runner, The Fifth Element, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Deja Vu, Training Day, Closer, The Matrix, Kill Bill, Seven, Carlito's Way, Rounders, Boyz 'n the Hood, There Will Be Blood, La Vie d'Adèle – Chapitres 1 & 2 (Blue Is The Warmest Color), and on and on ...

TV Shows - Game of Thrones, House (I have a set of blue Princeton-Plainsboro scrubs.), The Big Bang Theory (I am a physicist.), Boardwalk Empire, Family Guy, American Dad, Naruto Shippuden, Adult Swim, Cowboy Bebop, Fullmetal Alchemist, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, South Park, The Wonder Years, Ergo Proxy, Eureka Seven, Futurama, Mad Men, Firefly, Archer (waiting for next season), BSG [new school] - I cry every time we loose another one, just not in public, that's not good for morale.

"What do you hear Starbuck?"

Music - I can send you an entire list of all my 21,000+ MP3 tracks (in HTML, CSV, XML, or .xsl [Excel]). If you need to review my musical tastes in order to see if I'm a good person. Here's a sample so you can be judgmental about my music tastes.

Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, Eric Clapton, Heart, Bon Jovi, Dido, Nelly Furtado, Garbage, Mary J. Blige, AC/DC, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, Tom Petty, De La Soul, A Tribe Called Quest, The Bee Gees, Lenny Kravitz, The Eagles, Don Henley, Glen Frey, Joe Walsh, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, Amy Winehouse, early Madonna, Elton John, New Order, Stevie Nicks, George Thuroughgood, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Meiko Kaji, Jodeci, Muddy Waters, Otis Redding

I am Tegan & Sara addicted in every way.

You can stalk me via my last.fm ID: ubiquetous.

"Bam! The future of rock 'n' roll."
Six things I could never do without
This is hard question for me. Not because I want everything. I've done without a lot of things; each of them missing at some point in my life. I've always had food/water, clothing, and shelter. Besides it's neither original nor unique to list those [we'll assume they're implied because otherwise all other answers become meaningless - you don't want to die a Francis Bacon-like death].

1) Hot & Cold Running Water - I've done without this for short periods of time [several days]; but it always felt invigorating to be able to take a shower. Someday I'll have a tankless water heater.

2) Humor - Do I need to explain this?

3) Rationality, logic, and scientific inquiry. And all of their corollaries.

Still contemplating ...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
match.com [who now owns this site] claims that 1 out of 5 relationships begin online. I get it. I get it. I have a 4 times better chance of meeting someone in the real world.

What is "short term dating?" And how short is it?

I'd like to change my user name to " Joey Bag-o-Doughnuts." But I don't want to pay the $10.
On a typical Friday night I am
по пятницам я хожу в бары, чтобы найти красивую американских женщин. У них есть большие озера и крупные американские груди.Женщины любят пить много алкогольных напитков. Я говорю им о моем обильный коллекция профилактики и они слушают в течение многих часов. Иногда я должен держать свои волосы, пока они блевать в туалете. Это было прекрасное время.

Wait a minute. Do I speak Russian if I consume too many Black Russians?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Apparently, a plethora of individuals [Yes, El Guapo. I would say a plethora of individuals.] don't understand the concept of gradation as applied to privacy.

Your favorite type of peanut butter ... not so private. The fact that you're a rape baby like Det. Benson ... mucho privato.

So pick something that's at the most private level you're willing to broadcast on the internet and state that.

Me ... I 'm currently addicted to Skippy Natural Dark Chocolate Creamy Peanut Butter. In fact, I've said more private things than this above, and I bet you have too. Oh, and I'm not a rape baby.

Hey. Heeeeeeyyyyy. You can't cliche-ically claim that "I'm an open book" and then simultaneously claim "I'm not going to admit anything private on the internet."
You should message me if
... no one refers to you as their "baby mama" that would be awesome.

... you're meta-cognitive.

... you plan on eventually meeting in person.

... you're sick of messages that contain netspeak and/or 3 words or less. Verbal game is the only game in town - I got it.

... you're up crazy hours like me - Can you say "polyphasic?" I knew you could.

... all of your profile pics are right side up. If you can't handle that you'll be dead in the first round when the machines take over.
The two of us