Is writing about how difficult these things are to fill out cliched enough to be done ironically? If so, I'll start with that please.
I'm the worlds most sociable misanthrope. I absolutely love a crowd, but love pulling a few people aside to make fun of the crowd even more.
I love to go out dancing but almost exclusively at gay bars even though I would describe myself as pretty not gay. This is for a number of reasons:
1 - most of my friends who enjoy a night out dancing, happen to be gay so I go where they go.
2 - I find people at gay clubs tend to have way less sexual hang ups so dance floors there are actually fun instead of just gross sweaty meat markets.
3 - There's nobody there that I would want to sleep with who would also be interested in sleeping with me. That Venn diagram is just two lovely, big, separate circles. Which suits me great since the idea of seducing someone through dance is so hilarious it makes me vomit with anxiety and turns my limbs into giant rigid turbines of awkwardness.
So if we ever do go dancing and I'm not a terrible flailing mess, you will know that it's either because we share a deep and soulful connection and there are no boundaries between us or I'm just not attracted to you.
Good luck figuring out which!
Insects in clever human outfits need not apply.
Update: One of the shows I write on just got nominated for an Emmy and yet I still have to work a day job. Not fair.
Tell me I'm special. It's basically the only reason I'm here.
That or my hair. Seriously, it's like half my personality.
Films: OldBoy, Ringu, Perfume, Children of Men, Shaun of the Dead
Music: Cake, The Deftones, Soul Coughing/Mike Doughty and The Chemical Brothers. Because apparently it's still 1998 in my heart.
And why do so many of you mention cheese in this section? Six essentials that you couldn't bare to live without, and one of them is curdled dairy extract? Sort your fucking priorities out!
That and all my weird sex stuff, of course.
Or did I just admit that girls hardly ever contact me first? Either way, say hi. I promise it wont destroy your reputation.