26Wilmington, United States
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My self-summary
Lol I have a boyfriend now. That's wild. It's monogamous too. Who knew queers did that? Soooooo I'm not looking right now. You can still message me if you're into house music tho. I will not have sex with you, but I will dance with you.

Basically, I don't want to delete this profile so I can creep on hotties. I was trying to find another word for "creep" but I couldn't think of one.

What're you still doing here?
Anywonk here's some wank I wrote in 2013

I like this website I like this website because it's a very good website. Meet good and cool people like me on

My name is Mike.
I am a fucked up garbage idiot burnout. I am using to meet other fucked up garbage idiot burnouts.

I am a bicycle boy who's really into House music. That's about it really. I don't get a chance to talk about HOUSE MUSIC very often so if you're into that hmu.
What I’m doing with my life
Is there a word for the feeling you get when you're listening. to an album in the woods and the album features forest sounds (like chirping birds and shit) but the album ends and you think the real life cacophony of sundry woodsy sounds is part of the album???

^^^ That's what I'm doing with my life ^^^
I’m really good at
Knowing when someone is going to say "but" after paying a compliment or saying something like "I support women's rights", or "I'm not racist".

Critiquing corporate culture (recovering Marxist). Basically I get sad and upset when the prepackaged meals section at my Food Lion is called "Meal Solutions". It can't just be called "Meals". Mr. Marketer decided that I have a problem. That problem is not having a meal.

Using my solutions-focused problem solving skills, I deduced that the solution to my problem of not having a meal would be a meal solution, which I can find located in the "Meal Solutions" section of my local Food Lion next to the "Bread Creations" aisle.

It's the same thing with printers. You can't buy a printer anymore, only "printing solutions"

^^^I'm getting better alright^^^

I think I'm good at writing. If I'm not good at writing I'd have to say I'm really good at literally nothing of value.

I know how to do bike stuff.
The first things people usually notice about me
My gwasses. They were the same kind that Malcolm X wore. After this I get into a long conversation about Malcolm X.

I got to explain to a bunch of 6th graders who Malcolm X was in a McDonald's.

I don't wear clothing with words on it. Hurumph!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
BOOKS: I'm reading this one book about this pizza guy who carries a bunch of swords. I mostly read sci-fi garbage nowadays and it's been way more pleasurable than the classics. I'm looking at you War and Peace.
Dorian Gray all day everyday

Movies: Synecdoche, New York (incomprehensible nonsense but I love it), Woody Allen Films, weird indie shit like Wristcutters (It's one word!). That Danish animated film "Princess", Big Money Rustlas (no really). Anne Hall.

Webcomics: I have been very into webcomics as of late; most notably Hark A Vagrant by Kate Beaton and Winston Rowntree's Subnormality.

Music: Most of my friends are musicians. That's not entirely true. Most of my friends are clerks, delivery boys, groundskeepers, coffee makers, assistant librarians who sell their T-shirts at free shows .

You get the picture. I'm not a music dan. I'm just some dweeb who rides his bike around Newark all day.

You cannot comprehend the nature of my love of Ke$ha.
Seriously though, Owen Pallett and all this other violin stuff

Food: I eat a lot of Tomatoes. I'm vegetarian, but not one of those vegetarians. I know how pizza works.

NPR: I listen to Fresh Air with Terry Gross erry day. She's my waifu.
Six things I could never do without
Ebert and Siskel. They're great.
Going outside way too late on my bike to buy $1.79 in candy
Hark a Vagrant
Anime (is for children)
Internet access from McDonalds
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Portmanteaus: the combination of two words into one like sex and exploits becoming "sexploits". Or relax and chill becoming chillax. Enormous and gigantic becoming ginormous. Wait, these are terrible. Don't use them. You can still use "sexploits" tho.

All mom-activist groups.
On a typical Friday night I am
Only drinking with other cool people
Bereft of inhibitions
Always tipping well
Making the most of my time on earth
Assiduously working on my OKC profile
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I use the words "yolo, swag, and hater" quite a bit.

I really wanted to make my okc name Obamafan69. Why didn't I do that?

I am slowly turning my profile into a joke.
I wish this wasn't happening.
Just take everything I say 50% serious and 50% ironic and we'll get along fine.
You should message me if
You can explain to me what the hell okcupid means by "activity partner". This is not me trying to be clever. I really would like to know.

Politics/capitalism/society at large has gotten you down and you want to vent at someone. I know the feeling, it can be cathartic.

You can explain what the hell Synecdoche New York is about or the show Fooly Cooly (FLCL) is about.

You hate fedoras and don't hate but just get kind of jibbed out by people who wear them. No haters please.

You have a really cool user name and it would enrich my life to see it.

You think my profile is brilliant and you need to let me know how great I am.

You share my taste in bad movies.

You would be willing to grab a drink (or cola) sometime, after we exchange some messages and establish our mutual relative non-psychopathy.

You can explain to me what the "used up" body type means and why I picked it. I weigh 180lbs.

iunno, just for giggles. I'm not taking okc that seriously.
The two of us