Intelligence is my biggest turn-on and I usually get on best with women who are a bit tomboyish, nerdy, and speak bluntly. It's definitely a good thing if you like video games. Especially if you like your games in 16-bit glory.
Fuck political correctness. Fuck identity politics.
South Park nailed it with this:
I have a dark and morbid sense of humor and a dirty mind. I am also very much an introvert. I like cats far more than most people, and it will probably take me some time to feel comfortable around you.
I'm slightly misanthropic and I think it's very true what George Carlin said that inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist, but I have been told that I'm vastly more caring / sincere / self-effacing than I usually come off on first impression. I think these things are often skewed by stupid defense mechanisms or something :P
I spent 5 weeks one summer studying in Troyes, which is an hour and a half southeast of Paris, and which I was told is pronounced exactly like "trois" except with vastly more phlegm and agitation. The most important thing I learned from this experience is that "Je voudrais un croissant" is the most important phrase in the entire French language.
My preferred level of spice is masochistic torrent of capsaicin hot.
Contemplating whether or not I should learn how to knit so I can make that ridiculously long scarf that Tom Baker wears in Doctor Who but not actually doing it because I'm way too busy for that, using deep reinforcement learning to play Atari and Nintendo games, plotting world domination, and looking for a kitty to help me with that very important task.
Cat's Cradle, Brave New World, 1984, Harry Potter, Slaughterhouse Five, The Stranger, Lolita, Catch-22, Choke, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Watchmen, Batman: The Long Halloween, and JTHM
Up, Eternal Sunshine, The Graduate, A Clockwork Orange, Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Moonrise Kingdom, Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas, 8 1/2, Amelie, Shaun of the Dead, Young Frankenstein, Annie Hall, No Country for Old Men, Alien, Evil Dead 2, An American Werewolf in London, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Portal 1&2, Bioshock, Half Life 2, Resident Evil 2&4, Fatal Frame II, Silent Hill 2, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy VI, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario Galaxy, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Donkey Kong Country 2, World of Goo, And Yet it Moves, Cave Story, Undertale, and Sonic 3 & Knuckles
Arrested Development, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Red Dwarf, Rick and Morty, Archer, Breaking Bad, Six Feet Under, South Park, The Muppet Show [Yes, the god damn Muppet Show], Invader Zim, Dexter [when it was still good], The IT Crowd, Spaced, Peep Show, Futurama, Darkplace, Blackadder, FLCL, Cowboy Bebop, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and The Whitest Kids You Know
The Beatles, Talking Heads, The Clash, TV on the Radio, David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, Nobuo Uematsu (holy shit, that FFVI soundtrack), The Pixies, Tom Waits, Nick Cave [who really is pretty damn creepy, but hey, he does make good music], Jimi Hendrix, Kate Bush, Brian Eno, Public Enemy, The Who, The Flaming Lips [who are quite incessantly awesome in concert], Iron and Wine, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and [Music Videos by] OK Go
Really well made [Bourbon barrel-aged] Imperial Stouts [because they quite legitimately put me in a state of quivering orgasmic bliss]
Also, I think rope bondage is really cool.
You like introverts, science, and introverts who science :)
You want me to teach you about knot theory and other beautiful maths.
You understand that a real relationship requires effort and don't have unrealistic expectations of some fairy-tale romance.
You want to go to a midnight screening of Rocky Horror. Or The Room. I really want to meet Tommy Wiseau.
You want to try my triple chocolate stout bacon pancakes.
The opening sequence of Dexter makes you hungry.
You want to share an imperial coffee stout whilst discussing black holes.
You aren't offended easily.
You seriously aren't fucking offended easily.
Vi Hart's math videos fill you with wonder and make you obscenely happy. *If you have not seen any of Vi Hart's videos go to youtube immediately and rectify this*
You may be saying to yourself, "this luscious sex-god is deeply profound in his capacity for awesomeness but does he like mathematicians?" I say to you; Is every simply connected, closed 3-manifold homeomorphic to the 3-sphere?
You like to spoonerize your alliterations
You're passionate about learning.
You want to cook things together and / or provide me with a kitty to complete my evil scientist look.
Ok, so do you think I should write a bit to filter out the remaining crazies and jerks I don't wan't to meet how 'bout? Yeah? Cool! I'll do that now:
For the love of Jesus H Christ on a stick, do NOT waste my time messaging me if you're going to be super-flaky. Seriously, if you're actually interested show some real effort, otherwise stop wasting my time.
Don't be suicidal. It's poor form.
If you are a cheater, I do not respect you. Leave now.
Do you love to shout out to the world about how wonderful feminism is and why we all so desperately need it? Then do please be aware of the following: I passionately support the complete equality of all people, and I firmly believe that modern day feminism has, on the whole, done far more to promote sexism, female chauvinism, erosion of female agency, and intolerant double standards than it has done to promote true equality. All people regardless of gender can and DO face damaging sexist attitudes and gender stereotypes, and pretending that issues only matter if you belong to the right group is complete and utter bullshit. So for fuck's sake please *consider* the possibility that some people prefer to reserve the word equality for that which addresses the needs of all people rather than buy into an obstinate unilateral political ideology. If that is somehow contemptible to you then perhaps you are neither a tolerant nor rational person. And if you've ever uttered the words "smashing the patriarchy" in a non-ironic context you're probably too indoctrinated for help :P
Finally, if anything in this profile actually offended you; what the fuck? Don't be offended so easily. Life is too important to take seriously. So relax and stop getting worked up over stupid shit.
Anywho! Now that you've read this lovely profile have a nice day filled with sunshine, rainbows, and world domination!
Or you know, blackness and nihilism. Whatever's your thing. In that case enjoy a lovely evening of releasing marmots in bathtubs and pissing on rugs that really tie the room together.
"We Believez in Nussink Lebowski!"