33 Chicago, United States
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My self-summary
please note: I'm a convicted felon... served 3 years of a 5-year sentence, currently on parole... #TimeOffForGoodBehavior

3 kids from 2 women... #BabyMommaDrama

unemployed and freeloading wherever I can... #NoMoneyNoProblems

What I’m doing with my life
I sleep till noon, watch judge judy while eating a bowl of cereal -- half fruity pebbles, half frosted cheerios -- then it's video games on the 80" tv until mom is done making dinner. after eating, I watch jeopardy because I like to get a little culture... then it's back to the xbox, maybe some late night HBO -- so mad they killed King Joffrey on GoT... Sleep and repeat.
I’m really good at
Beating up 10-year-olds in my TaeKwonDo class
And calculating 18% tip on dinner bills but only leaving 5%
The first things people usually notice about me
My gorgeous hair
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books are for losers

Movies: Anything with lots of explosions and special effects

Music: the theme song to Family Guy

Food: microwaveable pizza bagels
The six things I could never do without
1. my welfare check
2. the $200 Jordans I bought with my welfare check
3. Johnnie Walker -- green or blue label only
4. Skinny ties -- I like to dress up for Judge Judy
5. My selfie stick
6. OkCupid
I spend a lot of time thinking about
expanding my carbon footprint
On a typical Friday night I am
meeting with my parole officer
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a collection of Disney flicks on my laptop....
You should message me if
1. You're hot

2. You were a backup dancer in the Anaconda music video

3. You're looking for a hookup

4. You realize that 90% of this profile is sarcasm/parody/not true or an obvious exaggeration