Don’t want to seem like a liar so I state
off the bat my height and weight, which by the way
is under 158 - a compact size and shape.
I metabolize in haste a large fries and shake,
the carbohydrates that are loaded on my plate.
Eating what I please won’t affect my stride and gait.
I will succeed and not simply try to escape
if I see the devil’s daughter and each of her bridesmaids
I’ll run and hide away at Rite Aid during their tirades.
I want to find a date; I hate to hibernate
behind a keyboard and a screen in cyberspace.
I have to go forward so clean I wipe the slate.
I’ve been burned but wanna sit beside a fireplace
night and day with a primate who makes my pupils dilate
so here I go again like Whitesnake.
to get cussed out and worse doing customer service.
and I can rap and rock circles around you like Stonehenge.
under my big mouth
as luscious and prominent as a pig’s snout.
But the fact remains I’ve never used chewing tobacco
because of mouth cancer
and what it’ll do to my cash flow.
reading The Long Walk from Stephen King.
I tend to enjoy romantic comedies
and never got into the program Quantum Leap.
I will never again commit to TV shows.
because the DVD release may be nixed by a CEO.
So I never paid attention to Seventh Heaven
but the time saved opened the door to fallin’ for Evanescence.
So the lesson is I love heavy metal but then again
I also like pop and church hymns and Eminem.
Since I came to PA my favorites are cheesesteak and cheesecake.
During heat waves you might see me eat grapes.
I won’t swallow food for a guy named Pete’s sake
but a Skyline 3-Way that I might find on eBay.
to put my first record in the spotlight.
And a lawyer to make sure imposters will not defy my copyright
a bodyguard, for my mouth can outrun Roddy White.
I need my Reeboks tied so I can leave the scene of a rockslide.
and pot pies to go with dihydrogen monoxide.
and whether my hoped-for marriage is a vow or a hex
and whether I can climb Mount Everest in an hour or less
and if so, would the doubters be astounded, impressed?
Getting money to help stimulate the economy.
beat all of your friends and probably you in Jeopardy
and awaken a hater from his stupor and lethargy
but keep the same hater at bay like the Chesapeake.