26San Jose, United States
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My self-summary
YOU.. should hit me up for some bodywork. :3

You wish, tuna fish ;3

*Haven't been on this thing in a hot minute, so apologies to all who tried to message me for a year and got no response lol! Revamps coming soon*
*I was recently informed that my profile states that I reply very selectively. The only reason being that I get tons of junky spam from stupid idiots who don't know how to form a coherent statement. So if I'm your type, but you don't think I'll respond, you should grow a pair of balls and send me a message. Just sayin'. Also, I don't send out messages often, but when I do, it's for a very flattering reason.
**Do not ask me for a massage if you think you're going to get it for free. You aren't special enough for me to spend time working for free when I have clients who pay, sorry. So please stop inquiring, because it's just annoying as hell.


I make shit with beads.

Hey baby, I noticed you noticing me; so, I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.

All I care about is sex and violence,
a heavy bassline is my kind of silence.

Curiosity killed the cat
But satisfaction brought her back.

Fun fact 00: I am in a relationship and love my significant other, but I love conversation and making new friends, so let's do it.
Fun fact 20: I am an audiophile and astrophile.
Fun fact 10: I am full of adorable catch phrases and cheeky repartee. (exempli gratia: don't trip chocolate chip, what's the word hummingbird, what's up buttercup, how's it hangin' and bangin', what's crackin': who you mackin' (thank you Colin), can do cockatoo, see you later alligator/in a while crocodile, what's cookin' good lookin', what's the angle of the dangle, et cœtera)
Fun fact 8: I never go anywhere without my Gnarly hat.
Fun fact 13: Due to accidental Pavlov's Dog type training, whenever an Avicii song comes on, I have an unnatural urge to make a sandwich.
Fun fact 22: I drive a '95 Jeep Grand Cherokee with a Salt Life decal and a USMC and a Horde decal; if you see me rockin' out in my car, you should wave hello.
Fun fact 6: I am one of the only therapists on the West Coast who routinely does 5-6 hour bodywork sessions.
Fun fact 9: I totally want to trade pictures with you, I would absolutely love to sext with you, I work as an escort, and I'm looking for a sugar daddy to spoil me.
Fun fact 9.5: Did I mention I love sarcasm?
Fun fact 2: I coined the phrase "getting festive".
Fun fact 18: I drive with my leg up on the dashboard.
Fun fact 4.1: I am obsessed with my rectus abdominus.
Fun fact 4.2: I am obsessed with buying make up.
Fun fact 4.3: I am obsessed with defined jaw lines.
Fun fact 4.4: I am obsessed with making mix CDs.
Fun fact 4.5: I am only slightly obsessed with making lists.
Fun fact 1: I kiss on the first date.
Fun fact 24: Sometimes I sing my mates to sleep.
Fun fact 15: I usually hit the gym twice a day.
Fun fact 7: I name my cats after motorcycles (Had a Harley, Kawasaki, and Gixxer. Currently have a Yamaha and Suzuki.)
Fun fact 19: I have vintage video game night where I play N64, NES, Sega, Atari, and PS1 games.
Fun fact 3: I have an oral fixation (thusly a small reason of why I smoke).
Fun fact 31: I sing along to dubstep songs.
Fun fact 5: I can, and will, go-go dance on stage or in the crowd for 2 - 6 hours straight.
Fun fact 17: My last name means "water goddess".
Fun fact 26: I have unlimited amounts of adorable flirty swag.
Fun fact 11: Played WoW for four years: Belf huntard, Crashridge for life <3 (I don't game seriously anymore, but I play some FPSs and RPGs occasionally.)
Fun fact 29: Due to the fact that I'm almost always alone at work, I wander around half naked when it's clever.
Fun fact 18.5: I drive with my leg up on the dashboard and occasionally with my foot out the window.
Fun fact 14: The color of my tank top almost always reflects the color of my skivvies.
Fun fact 21: I use military jargon and time/date format even though I'm not part of the armed forces.
Fun fact 16: I have to eat steamed rice at least 3 times a week and take my shoes off before I walk through a house, regardless if I'm asked to or not.
Fun fact 23: Varying from day to day, I usually smell like St. Ives' Oatmeal & Shea Butter or Güd's Orange Body Butter lotion.
Fun fact 30: I have ridiculously smooth legs; if we ever meet up, I give you full and total permission to see for yourself.
Fun fact 48: I tan with tape over my nips and a thong to minimize tan lines. (I thoroughly dislike them.)
Fun fact 27: I prefer weaponry over jewelry. Sure, diamonds are shiny, but Deagles make me go all mushy inside.
Fun fact 36: Schmear > Cream Cheese.
Fun fact 41: I start every day off with a cup of coffee and a cigarette, and I end it with 2-3 hours at the gym.
Fun fact 33: I have 2 tattoos - a peacock feather on my right oblique and a Latin phrase on my left shoulder.
Fun fact 52: Everyone thinks I'm on some sort of upper when they meet me for the first time, because I talk a goddamn nautical mile a minute.
Fun fact 48: I play Neko Atsume (big ups if you have all the cats like I do!)
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a massage therapist who does out-call appointments right now, and am working on expanding my private practice and clientele, as well as picking up a studio space. **I am currently accepting new clients!

Disclaimer: Recently I've had a few people message me about massage sessions with a "happy ending", giving the excuse that because I have casual sex listed as something that I'm looking for, I so obviously provide such a service. If you assume that I provide such an unprofessional and disgusting service in my professional practice, you can eat a dick, choke on it, die of asphyxiation, and be remembered by all your family and loved ones as a disgusting, embarrassing blemish in society. Thanks.
I’m really good at
TWELVE things in life.

Not sleeping.
Conversing elegantly.
Being a bawsuh.
Spelling shit phonetically.
Fucking swearing.
Speaking in an Australian accent, mate.
Making gear with beads.
The first things people usually notice about me
is my volume. People often hear me before they see me.
is my hair color. It makes me look like a lion with the blonde and brown mixed.
is my smile. There's always a smile on my face, seriously. Even if I have to draw that motherfucker on.
is my make up. It's always very bright, colorful, and in your fucking face.

is I have no real fucking clue. Someone tell me?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Movies: It's All Gone Pete Tong, Human Traffic, Snatch, Lock Stock, Memento, The Lion King, more to be added.

Music: Classical, dubstep, house, hardstyle, hardcore, classic rock, indie, alternative rock, metal, disco, 80s, country, rap, R&B, hip hop, trance, acapella, jazz, big band, reggae, ska, punk rock, etc.

This is my guilty pleasure to sing and dance to half naked when I'm getting out of the shower. If you're lucky, you'll be able to see this someday.

Food: Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Korean, French, Lebanese, American, etc.

Shows: Blue Mountain State, [scrubs], HIMYM, RvB, Dexter, Spartacus, Law & Order: SVU, Archer, The Twilight Zone, Star Trek (both Cpt. Kirk and Picard), Parks & Rec, etc.
Six things I could never do without
Twisty roads. Massage (doing bodywork, not receiving). 24 HR Fitness. Music. My Jeep. Sex.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the past, present, and future. I don't dwell too long on one perspective but I take the time to acknowledge all possibilities, all outcomes.

perfecting sensory integration. Since I was young, I've been routinely engaging all of my senses during whatever action I'm doing. So far, it's proven very successful in amping up all of my senses.

why durable electronics are packaged in tight, thick plastic and light bulbs are packed in thin cardboard.

the good decision of naming "‽" the interrobang instead of exclamaquest.

if people really believe that killing a spider in their room/house will make the spider's homies retaliate against them. Conversely, if spiders actually have the capacity/ability to hold a grudge, plot, scheme, and vow to get revenge for their fallen comrade.
On a typical Friday night I am
- working until 1900, but after..
I'm out driving the twisties, blasting some groovy tunes, and having a smoke, ultimately ending up at 1 of 3 star gazing spots where I put on some chillstep, jazz, or big band tracks, and do sudoku by moonlight on top of my Jeep. Romantic, isn't it?

*I no longer do that on Fridays - Friday nights are my bro date nights where I go to Santa Cruz, get drinks, make dinner, watch movies, do bodywork on, and stay over at my best mate's pad. I <3 bro dates.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I see "less desiring of sex" on someone's profile, I get a little sad inside.

Whenever I meet someone new, I unintentionally spend the first 5 minutes imagining how we'd mesh in bed.

I was married and divorced all before I was 21.

When I get the opportunity to say one thing (exempli gratia: this question asking for one private matter I'm willing to admit), I have an undesirable urge to sort of 'break the rules' and say many things.

I thoroughly and seriously enjoy bro-downs.
You should message me if
you're looking for some grade-A, top of the line, way above par bodywork
you're looking for a female who knows what she wants.
you're looking for a female to spoil and get spoiled in return.
you're an attractive, intelligent human being who can hold a conversation past "hey, what's up".

You should NOT message me:

*asking to trade pictures or send me lewd messages with horribly constructed "sexting": I just read through it, laugh my ass off at how pathetic you are, then delete your message and forget all about your existence. So don't message me with shit like that.

*if you don't live in California; seriously. Unless you want to fly my ass out to meet you, or you're coming to California? Don't waste my time, because I won't respond; I will just delete the message. **Unless you want to be penpals. Then I'm über down, yo.
The two of us