33 Chicago, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
12 1/2 hours of driving and 6 months of anxiously planning later I'm actually in Chicago! Well the suburbs, for now, while I seek gainful employment and then my own place, but still: Holy shit I'm here! (12/25)

My self-summary? I'm an endlessly loyal, honest-to-a-fault kind of guy whose whole purpose in life is to make people laugh and paraphrase Roger Rabbit. I've been a Cubs fan since conception and I cried tears of joy when they made it to the World Series and felt a euphoric sense of relief when they won it all. The Grammarly Chrome extension saves me from making typos of which I make lots of because I type really fast. That's not a humblebrag, that'd be a really pathetic humblebrag. It's just that I learned how to design websites when I was 13 and it has basically been my livelihood so I've spent the last 20 years basically sitting in front of a computer and I hope I never have to make another website for a client ever again because FFS they can all go fly a kite, Gretchen.

I hope moving to Chicago will open up the creative floodgates that used to run wild when I was in college. The floodgates that have since been locked up because being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be, but at least I can rent a car, right? That's a cool perk.

Oh yeah, I'm a filmmaker. Howdy!
What I’m doing with my life
I will be rejuvenating my love of comedy and filmmaking at the Harold Ramis Film School at The Second City, which I got accepted to for their Winter program that starts in January. Yes, moving to Chicago in the dead of winter is exactly the kind of thing go-getters do.

Filmmaking is my passion, and I hope to do a great many funny things with it in the future. I also recently had to operate an auger, a chainsaw, as well as a skid steer bulldozer so I feel I can basically say I'm a qualified general contractor.

Other than that I've been spending a lot of time writing fake missed connections on Craigslist to keep my creative writing sharp. "I saw you in the bread aisle, but the only buns I wanted weren't on a shelf" is mine if you ever come across it.
I’m really good at
Making decadent peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, spending money on interesting and/or useless things, fawning over filmmaking equipment, ignoring my dentist, throwing away the yellow pages, driving a car safely like a God damn champion, and saying the words/phrases "apparently", "here's the thing", "but, uh, yeah, so...", and many many more.

Haha, ahhhhh I'm just kidding, I don't have a dentist.
The first things people usually notice about me
My voice is as deep as the ocean is... deep, I guess. Because I have zero singing talent, but great deep voice talent, if/when I ever sing karaoke (basically when I'm hammered ass drunk) my go-to song is "Mmmmmmmmm" by the Crash Test Dummies. I haven't tried it, but I could probably do a mean "The Distance" by Cake, too. I was called Barry White in high school by two girls who insisted on having me say "Hey baby" over and over again much to their delight. They would walk past me in the hallway, ask me to say it, I would, then they laughed and left. I have forgotten their names.

Speaking of, I forget names easily. I should probably put that in the "Things I'm good at" section, but you might notice it quickly in a social setting. I will literally forget someone's name 10 seconds after being told their name about 90% of the time. Unless it's a unique name like Chrysannalisa or someone who actually goes by Zachariah instead of Zach like a weirdo.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love all of these too much and just realized that in my previous update I basically gave away EVERYTHING about myself in this section. I'd rather talk about them in candid now that I realize it. Ask me!
The six things I could never do without
1) My unwavering hatred for making lists
2) Just kidding, I love lists
3) What am I supposed to be doing again?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation... it's all fair game.

Sorry, OKCupid told me to write that. Stop being creepy, OKCupid.
On a typical Friday night I am
I wish it were something cooler than "Hanging out with my friends and having drinks" or "Chilling at home and watching Netfix". We all do that, and that's rad. I just wish I could genuinely say something like "I spend my weekends trying to solve unsolved crimes from the 80's on the off chance I get to meet Robert Stack" but it's not true. That and Robert Stack is dead so that dream will never come true. R.I.P.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Whenever I'm having a shitty day I watch videos of baby elephants doing the darndest things and it picks me right back up.
You should message me if
You like to laugh, you like to have insightful conversations, you're into artistic culture, you didn't vote for Donald Drumpf, you really like decadent peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you think I'm just a swell and entertaining gentlemen.

Bonus points if you understood the Gretchen reference.