In a bid for self-knowledge, I've taken a bunch of online personality tests (not the ones on this site). Apparently, I am tragically and severely INTP. Practically every description matches perfectly.
It seems there are multiple glaring contradictions in my personality. On the one hand, I am pessimistic and reclusive, due to shyness and my general lack of aptitude in social situations. This is the part of me that most people see when they first try to get to know me, and I'm sure it deters many. It takes a while, or the right questions, to be privy to the lighter side of me. Yes, I assure you, it exists; within its purview are such things as walking in the twilight hours, Autumnal leaves and romance. It's the sensitive and whimsical side, like a tiny Lloyd Dobler living in my superego.
Other, general fluff about me:
I'm generally a laid back kind of person - some might say sedentary. I enjoy relaxing and geeky pastimes such as watching movies, listening to music constantly (and searching for new music to enjoy), AVID computer gaming (mainly RPGs), reading, and browsing the internet, which is basically my default state of being. I'm an introvert, so I need lots of time to myself to recharge after being with company - hence the plethora of single-player activities. That said, I'm also quite shy; I don't know very many people, and sometimes one just wants company, especially if it's for the activities listed above. I'd appreciate someone to geek out with. I also think that it's high time I got a life outside of my own little world.
I don't care for most sports; my feelings on the subject range from apathy to active dislike. I find team ball sports rather tedious and uncomfortable to play, and I seem to lack any tendency to form the tribalistic connections with national sports teams that make the experience of the average sports fan worthwhile. However, I do enjoy certain sporty pastimes when I get the opportunity, such as skiing, skydiving, surfing, wakeboarding, sailing, and scuba diving. I can't indulge in these as often as I'd like, as they require particular apparatus and environments that aren't so easy to come by day-to-day. Maybe when I have more disposable income I'll take a more active interest in pursuing said pastimes, but the future is far from certain.
I am wistful, pessimistic, and a slave to my brain.
ORIGINAL: I am currently studying Biology at Durham University, although I've grown rather complacent about it. Who knows what'll happen? I'm the world's worst procrastinator (by which I mean that I procrastinate well. Quell horreur). So, will I conquer my urges to do nothing, and actually pass the course? Who can say? Certainly not I.
UPDATE: In actual fact, I can now say. I did indeed manage to pass the course, and now possess a 2:1 degree - not too shabby, considering my poor self-control when it comes to getting work done. Now there remains only the gut-wrenching terror of deciding what to do next.
FURTHER UPDATE: After almost a year's worth of total inaction, both professionally and socially, I have now given myself the goal of moving out on my own, to the city - to London. Hence, I shall require a job. Fortune favours the brave.
UPDATE THE THIRD: I succeeded in my quest to move to London. In doing so I find myself enrolled in a paid graduate training programme until June 2011, during which I will be subjected to almost constant training, revision and examinations. It leaves little time for the pursuit or formation of a life from scratch.
That said, my overall objective is still to find some semblance of a social and personal life to call my own. In this city of cities, where countless young men and women before me have sought their fortune, I feel the possibilities stretch out before me. If I should only manage to break away from my mind's inexperience and resistance to change, I might seize them. Yes. [/poetical]
RECENT UPDATE: I quit my job, moved out of London, and am now going to be in Bristol for a year. Back to university, studying computers. Who knows, it could work out...
Obviously, I'm good at being esoteric.
After that, most people probably go back to what they were doing previously. I'm quite introverted, so I'll usually be keeping to myself.
Those that do reach out to get to know me (they have to, because I am abysmal at meeting new people) tend to notice that I'm blunt and concise in speech, and always tell people my real opinion on things. Some people don't always appreciate this.
Games: I'm predominantly an RPG gamer. I like being able to craft my character's personality and abilities, and to affect the world around me. For similar reasons I also like sandbox games, for the freedom they provide for the player to find their own fun within the game mechanics.
Some games I like, old and new, are: Baldur's Gate 2, Morrowind, Knights of the Old Republic, Fallouts 1-3, Dragon Age: Origins, the Mass Effect series, the Grand Theft Auto series, Red Dead Redemption, the Assassin's Creed series, Black and White, the Total War games, Jade Empire, the Escape Velocity series, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Sacrifice, Giants: Citizen Kabuto, Earthworm Jim, Braid, Portal, The Sims series, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines, and many more.
I'm currently waiting in painful suspense for the release of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Batman: Arkham City and Mass Effect 3.
Movies: I'll watch anything that's good, and probably memorise the names of the actors, the director and parts of the script while doing so. I can't seem to stop myself. I have a soft spot for good, thought-provoking sci-fi, intelligent comedies, and animation. Examples of films I like: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Moon, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blade Runner (the Final Cut, not the horrific theatrical version), Pixar movies, Disney movies, Studio Ghibli movies, Leon, The Fifth Element, Raiders of the Lost Ark, the works of Edgar Wright: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Sweeney Todd, Sleepy Hollow, A Knight's Tale (anachronisms and all), Back to the Future, The Blues Brothers, The Iron Giant, The Princess Bride, This is Spinal Tap, Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity, (500) Days of Summer, and too many more to list.
I have been known to watch and enjoy the odd bad movie, as well. The ur-example, at least for me, would be Troll 2. Someday I shall watch The Room.
TV Shows: Firefly!!!11! (like all genius, it went before its time), QI, Monty Python's Flying Circus, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Blackadder series 2-4, Black Books, any great anime series (especially if they have great music direction, such as Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo and Last Exile, or romance, like Kimi ni Todoke and Eureka Seven), Brass Eye + The Day Today, Jonathan Creek, The Office, Scrubs, Chuck, Doctor Who, and the Simpsons before it jumped the shark.
Music: I like to think I have a moderately eclectic range of musical taste, but doesn't everyone? However, I favour older stuff over new; I like lots of music from throughout the Twentieth Century, from post-war ditties to Daft Punk, but I especially gravitate to music from the sixties and seventies:
Classic rock (such as Led Zeppelin, The Who, Pink Floyd, The Beatles The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Allman Brothers Band, The Doors, The Clash, Thin Lizzy, Steely Dan, etc); and Blues, both classic and from the '60s British revival. For instance, Stevie Ray Vaughan, John Lee Hooker, Eric Clapton, Robert Johnson, Peter Green era Fleetwood Mac. Of course, this is by no means a comprehensive list.
Other music I enjoy:
Soul and R&B from the '60s and '70s, such as Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye...
Funk as well, such as Average White Band, The Meters, Sly & The Family Stone, etc.
Classic jazz singers and soloists are also good. Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Sidney Bechet, etc. I tend to prefer earlier jazz over the post-Kind of Blue "cool jazz" era. I am a fan of early Miles Davis, though, and the Dave Brubeck Quartet. Additionally, swing and hot jazz tend to get me going.
Then there are those artists who can't be easily classified, who run the gamut through many musical styles and genres. I would hesitate to call Nina Simone a jazz, soul, blues, folk, gospel or R&B singer, for she was all those things and more. The most interesting artists pave their own way.
I don't mind some bands from the '80s, although in many ways that's when it all started to go wrong. I will partake of The Smiths, Tears For Fears and The Police.
For modern stuff, I like bands that use many different instruments to create an interesting sound. I like indie bands that do this, especially if they have retro influences. For example, Mojave 3, Band of Horses. Other modern indie bands I like, for their darker, melancholic take on romance and angst: Death Cab for Cutie, The National.
Relatedly, when searching for music, I especially seek out the kind of bands that create landscapes of sound, that evoke a place that's all their own. Fleet Foxes, Friends of Dean Martinez, Bon Iver, that kind of thing.
Regarding singer/songwriters, I like any good lyricists that are also good at musical arrangement, such as Bob Dylan & Joni Mitchell, Jeff Buckley, Tim Buckley, John Mayer. I also especially enjoy intricate guitar melodies. Examples: Iron & Wine, Jose Gonzalez, Alexi Murdoch, City & Colour, and Nick Drake (who is my favourite artist; I long ago decided to marry every girl who likes his music).
I also enjoy Irish music (the uilleann pipes are my favourite instrument of all time). The Bothy Band are a good example.
(Incidentally, for those of you who are interested, my top five favourite instruments are the Uilleann Pipes, the Duduk, the Pedal Steel Guitar, the Tin Whistle and the Piano.)
I really like accomplished film and anime scores as well. John Williams is great. Ennio Morricone's score of "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" is excellent. Practically all of Yoko Kanno's anime scores are exceptional, as are Joe Hisaishi's efforts for Studio Ghibli productions.
Finally, although I greatly enjoy listening to classical/orchestral music, I tend to favour more contemporary composers over baroque and similar. Among others, I am a fan of Gustav Holst, Aaron Copland, Claude Debussy, Johann Strauss II and Ralph Vaughan Williams.
Some day I shall list my food preferences here also. Until that day, only this sad sentence shall tell of my culinary predilections: I like stir-fry and piri-piris.
Yes, I know. That kind of cynical humour got old back in "The first thing(s) people usually notice about me" section, if not before. So, why haven't I deleted it and started anew?
Because it fills up space and gives the illusion of substance.
The things I could really never do without:
1) Music, above all. By extension, my smartphone, which allows me access to it wherever I go.
2) My PC and the intarwebs, for gaming and for looking up the answers to the random questions which constantly pop up in my head. My smartphone is useful for this as well, and truly earns the right to be called a modern-day Earth-bound Hitchhiker's Guide.
3) My cat.
4) The blissful release of the eventuality of sleep. A temporary, but welcome, change in the mind's expression.
5) Money, for those certain things that can't be obtained for free.
6) My right mind.
Examples: Forum surfing, computer game playing, film watching, getting lost in the inescapable mire of TVTropes, and other delightful, but sometimes lonely, pastimes.
Hence, the whole meeting people online thing. Even this is terrifying.
The truth is, I often feel lonely and that the world has passed me by. Having shut myself off from the world during my adolescence, I feel I must make an active effort to discover it anew, on my own terms, as an adult. I fear I may have romanticised views of how the world should be, especially the world of relationships, but I don't wish to quash that part of myself just yet.
If there is a chance of finding it validated, I would see it done.
The important thing is that you actually want to. I am not very proactive. I find it difficult to make the first move in any social context, and if I do it is usually purely utilitarian in nature. One might go as far as saying that if you don't message me, I'll spend my endless numbered days alone - Music reference! Anyway, I hope that's not the case, but it's nevertheless a possibility. Needless to say, I don't wish to die alone. It'd be such a waste of a perfectly good life. How's that for passive-aggression? Shameful display.
Alternatively, message me if you feel like geeking out. We can shout things like "Soylent Green is PEOPLE!" at each other. I'm also partial to the odd philosophical debate, and I'm always willing to discuss ideas and opinions that I find interesting.