KaluzaKlein
27 Brooklyn, United States
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KaluzaKlein
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My self-summary
I've arranged my life so I have a whole lot of free time to eat tacos, smoke bowls, drink in the bathtub, and never wake up before noon. It's pretty great.

I like myself, I'm happy with my life, and I'm usually in a good mood. I prefer to spend my time with people who fit that description as well.

I really hate dancing.

Been getting kind of bored of OkC lately, so putting this out there and seeing if I get any interesting results:

I’m looking for cool attractive guys who are into femdom. I’m particularly into masochists, but if you’re not into pain we may still be compatible. I’m generally more into control than humiliation, but some of my favorite stuff could definitely be described as humiliation. Not into feminization, strap-on, or long-distance anything, sorry not sorry.

I'm also open to hot vanillas, but if we're kink-compatible that's obviously a big plus.

I’m non-monogamous and a full-time pro-domme, so if either of those things are deal breakers, go away.

I know having a BDSM-focused profile is gonna get me some weird messages, so here are some guidelines:

1) Be a person. Message me about something other than your BDSM interests. Don’t get me wrong, I want to hear about those as well, but I’m not a fetish delivery robot and neither are you. If you send me a message that is all about your boner we will never meet.

2) I know I’m trolling for weird sex on the internet, but we’re still gonna go on a date. You know that thing where you go out for drinks with vanilla girls and don’t assume they’ll be sexing you after? Same concept.

3) If you don’t show your face on your profile, send a link to some photos in your first message so I know you have a face. I don't write back to people without faces. Not even to request proof that you have a face.
What I’m doing with my life
Professional Dominatrix. Full time. No plans to quit anytime soon and zero interest in anyone who has a problem with that.

(I'm here for dating, not clients, but if you want to hire me drop me a line and I'll send you to my website. But once you've done that, don't even think about asking me out. Also be aware that I filter my inbox, so if you're far away or old I probably won't ever see it.)

I also read a lot.
I’m really good at
Curing hiccups
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm pretty.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
American Gods
Pretty much everything else by Neil Gaiman
Pretty much everything by Terry Pratchett, especially his Long Earth books
China Miéville (especially Kraken)
Diana Wynne Jones is a goddess
The Magicians series by Lev Grossman
The Secret History
Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
Never Let Me Go
Lexicon
The Red Tree

Pan's Labyrinth
Death at a Funeral
Cabin in the Woods
Detention
Silence of the Lambs
Wicker Man (the original, not the remake)

Doctor Who
Game of Thrones
Hannibal
Luther
Kids in the Hall
A Bit of Fry & Laurie
The Mighty Boosh

Patrick Wolf
Joan Jett
The Talking Heads

Things that taste nice
The six things I could never do without
Coffee
Good reading material
Body pillows
BDSM
Velvet
Photos of weird sea creatures
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Quantum mechanics, what I'm going to cook next time I get around to cooking, how much I wish dinosaurs were still around, why none of you read books by women.
On a typical Friday night I am
Weekends aren't real.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I drink really bad vodka and I take a lot of selfies. Sometimes at the same time.
You should message me if
You wear really tight pants.

You like drinking in the sort of bars that aren't too noisy to facilitate good drunk conversation.

You live in or close to Bushwick. I dislike long commutes.
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