In former lives I have been team chef for the Cleveland Indians; have owned (and brankrupted) my own restaurant; lived in OH, PA, CA, HI, Paris and England; been an amateur stand up comedian; and performed in several ethnic music groups (west African percussion, Zimbabwean marimba, etc). I'd like to find a new musical endeavor to pursue. I use my culinary degree to spoil my friends and family instead of make a living. I work as a nanny and I have a daughter (born 02/14)
My identity has gotten very wrapped up in my role as a mother. At the time of writing my daughter is nearly three and I have been her full time care provider her entire life. I look like a mom and feel like mom. Maybe I'm a MYLF? It helps if you think a girl in jeans and a hoody is hot. :)
My most recent relationship (4 years) ended a year ago on Halloween. We are still very close but he moved across the country and I am not good at dating long distance. I haven't started a new romantic relationship since 2012 so I'm a little rusty.
I often end up being a catalyst in the lives of those closest to me. My dearest friend summed it up by saying people who get near me learn a lot about themselves in a short period of time. I love helping people step through the veil, have ah-ha! moments, and reflect back the things I see within them.
I guess I might as well get all the regular deal-breakers out of the way; I am bisexual. I am married and we practice consensual non-monogamy.
Attraction is formed from so much more than physical appearance and chemistry is the ultimate test. Some people just aren't going to have the hots for you. I am curvy and I am only interested in dating people that find my soft body luscious and desirable. I rarely feel self conscious of my size and I have zero tolerance for body or food shaming.
Mostly my own choices have led me to this precise moment and I am responsible for who I have chosen to become. My life is rich with experiences and people. My priorities are personal awareness, honesty / full disclosure, and providing as much support and love as possible to the people that support and love me. I love to feed people. I like to do things that make people question their stance or bias. I like to act on my impulses. I identify with buddhism (maybe that should be up in the possible deal-breakers?), I engineer social capital, I am an aggressive driver, I have a lot of confidence that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that I will continue to become the person I am supposed to be. The only perfection is the perfection of every moment.
I would like to make it clear that my husband and I are deliriously happy with our marriage. We share a daughter, a house, and we spend a lot of time together. We don't fight dirty. We are a team. We are respectful of one another. We accept that our feelings are real even if they are irrational. We work shit out. We trust one another. We are both committed to assisting one another in the pursuit of the most rewarding and fulfilling lives possible. We were married for 7 years before we decided to open our relationship to see other people. We have made it another 8 years since then! It was strength that led us here, it was not something missing. We are not looking for a triad. He has one other partner he is deeply in love with. I am on the hunt for other partners and often have one relationship that is much more about kink than it is about anything else.
I love how poly makes it possible to have relationships that develop organically into less prescriptive roles. You don't have to be kinky to be my lover. I can fuck someone I don't love, love someone I don't want to have sex with, and play pinball with my partner's wife on the weekend. I can go out on a date with you and be completely at ease being myself because I don't NEED you to like me. If it turns out you do and I like you too and we decide to spend some of our time together then that is awesome. Needs are inflexible. Wants are flexible. I want LOTS of things but I try hard to not need much.
I don't care if you are a man, woman, or self-defined. Your ethnicity wilI not impede our potential. I am interested in having intimate and vulnerable relationships with other human beings.
You might be horrified to hear I have never seen any of the star wars movies, a single episode of star trek, any horror films, or any zombie films (apart from Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland). I have a hard time with scary things and they linger long after the movie has ended.
I don't know what to say about tv, we have a complicated relationship. I don't have cable, I stream stuff like Louie, 30 Rock and Six Feet Under. We tend to pick one show and work our way through the seasons. The Sopranos, The Wire, Treme, Dead Like Me, Weeds, Dexter, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Sense 8...
I have moderate face-blindness (prosopagnosia) so movies are usually just a lot of me leaning over and saying "Have we seen her already? Which one is that guy? Is he the one with meg ryan? Nobody in this movie looks like Meg Ryan??" I would probably recognize the following actors in a movie because I make a point of seeing everything they make: John C Reilly, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP), William H Macy, and James Spader. Some movies I love: Intacto, Momento, Fight Club, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I heart Huckabees, Amelie, Pulp Fiction, Lars and the Real Girl, Secretary, The Triplets of Belleville, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Mary and Max...
Radiolab and This American Life are regular features of my downtime.
Books are wonderful, somehow they have slipped by the wayside recently. I have a lot of OLD favorites but very little by way of current favorites. I like McSweeny's and pretty much everything Dave Eggers has put out besides "And you shall know our velocity". I will admit to having loved the time traveler's wife; however, I refuse to see the movie. David Sedaris, Mary Roach, Oliver Sacks, Wally Lamb, and Christopher Moore all spring to mind.. I'm sure I'm missing some authors. Right now I have several books partially read including: The Mind's Eye, Sex at Dawn, and A Wrinkle in Time, Packing for Mars, And Blink... I should probably be spending more time reading books and less time consuming online materials.
Food? Don't get me started on food. I have a degree. I will happily spend eight hours making french pastry, cassoulet with duck confit, or a traditional italian grandmother's ragu with five different kinds of meat stewing all day in it. My friends get lavish birthday cakes. Cooking soothes my rough spots. Getting the skin of a roasted chicken perfectly crisp without drying the breast meat is one of the most satisfying feelings I know.
down (jacket, comforter, pillows, etc)
an excellent set of speakers
and psych meds
I'm so on to you, universe. I will figure you out just in time.
SpankGirl on FetLife
I have bipolar disorder and don't use it as an excuse to be a crazy asshole.
I have a pretty tenuous grasp of popular culture and I'm not super political. I try to have as much awareness as possible but the truth is that I have a hard time holding space for things that aren't in front of me. I am either very present or completely sidetracked.
You are ready for the next big thing.
You would rather get to know one another better in person.
And/or you like to hang with Lucy, Molly, Dmitri, or Boomer.
And/or you're really very kinky!
And/or you belong to the NSPP