37 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
In former lives I have been team chef for the Cleveland Indians; have owned (and brankrupted) my own restaurant; lived in OH, PA, CA, HI, Paris and England; been an amateur stand up comedian; and performed in several ethnic music groups (west African percussion, Zimbabwean marimba, etc). All of that seems to be behind me but I'd like to find a new musical endeavor to pursue.

I guess I might as well get all the regular deal-breakers out of the way; I am bisexual. I am married and we practice consensual non-monogamy. Oh, and I'm fat.

All my choices have led me to this precise moment and when I take stock of what is going on in and around me, I probably look smug and self-satisfied for a second. My life is rich with experiences and people. My priorities are personal awareness, honesty / full disclosure, and providing as much support and love as possible to the people that support and love me. I love to feed people. I read a lot less than I used to. I like to do things that make people question their stance or bias. I absolutely adore it when someone makes me question my own. I like to act on my impulses which sometimes makes me look more than a little ridiculous, often in public. I identify with buddhism (maybe that should be up in the possible deal-breakers?), I engineer social capital, I am an aggressive driver, I have a lot of confidence that I am exactly who I am supposed to be and that I will continue to become the person I am supposed to be. The only perfection is the perfection of every moment. I'm not chasing a dream, I'm living in it.

Wow am I a filthy hippy.

My life might not look anything like you imagine.

Here's the part that probably does- I am at least a little geeky although you might be horrified to hear I have never seen any of the star wars movies, a single episode of star trek, any horror films, or any zombie films (apart from Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland). I still play tons of games, although I tend to avoid RPGs and MMOs. We like all the regulars, Settlers, Dominion, Boggle, Ascension, Scrabble, Backgammon, Cribbage, Canasta, etc. Don't get me started on Pandemic Legacy- you make lasting changes to the board, rules, and characters every game. It's crazy. We used to do a lot of jumping around playing plastic instruments with our 30something friends. We are unashamed.

I would like to make it clear that my husband and I are deliriously happy with our marriage. We have a daughter, a house, and we spend a lot of time together. We don't fight dirty. We are a team. We are respectful of one another. Even if they aren't rational, we accept that our feelings are real. We work shit out. We trust one another. We are both committed to assisting one another in the pursuit of the most rewarding and fulfilling lives possible. We were married for 7 years before we decided to open our relationship to see other people. It was strength that led us here, it was not something missing. We are not looking for a triad. He has one other partner he is deeply in love with. I am on the hunt for other partners and at least one relationship that is much more about kink than it is about anything else.

I love how poly makes it possible to have relationships that develop organically into less prescriptive roles. You don't have to be kinky to be my lover. I can fuck someone I don't love, love someone I don't want to have sex with, and play pinball with my partner's wife on the weekend. I can go out on a date with you and be completely at ease being myself because I don't NEED you to like me. If it turns out you do and I like you too and we decide to spend some of our time together then that is awesome. Needs are inflexible. Wants are flexible. I want LOTS of things but I try hard to not need much.

I don't care if you are a man, woman, or self-defined. I am interested in having intimate and vulnerable relationships with other human beings.

I don't need more friends but I have room for a few and I'm open to the possibility that you are out there waiting to be found- perhaps you belong to the NSPP? I haven't gone to any events but it seems like everybody I know does.
What I’m doing with my life
I am making the best choices I can in every moment of every day and trying hard to have zero expectations.
I’m really good at
Seeing you then showing you to yourself. Seeing what you reflect back to me. Talking about myself. Cooking, finding the funny, performing the Heimlich maneuver, letting thoughts fall out of my mouth before filtering them, winning at tetris, surrounding myself with attractive and intelligent people, saying obnoxiously meaningless things, parallel parking, driving stick, stealing good (truthful) lines from other people's profiles, saying obnoxiously profound things, taking responsibility for my actions, asking for what I want without expectations, giving only what I can give freely and without resentment.
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably that I am a carbon based being alive on this planet at the same time that they are.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
LCD Soundsystem, Radiohead, Kendrick Lamar, jamiexx, Animal Collective, Arcade Fire, Ben Folds, Roots Manuva, Cloud Cult, The White Stripes, Fiona Apple, Cake, Paul Fonfara, Soul Coughing, Tom Waits, Mr Bungle, Eric Clapton, Beck, and Daft Punk.

I don't know what to say about tv, we have a complicated relationship. I don't have cable, I stream stuff like Louie, 30 Rock and Six Feet. Under. We tend to pick one show and work our way through the seasons. The Sopranos, The Wire, Treme, Dead Like Me, Weeds, Dexter, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Sense 8...

I have moderate face-blindness (prosopagnosia) so movies are usually just a lot of me leaning over and saying "Have we seen her already? Which one is that guy? Is he the one with meg ryan? Nobody in this movie looks like Meg Ryan??" I would probably recognize the following actors in a movie because I make a point of seeing everything they make: John C Reilly, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP), William H Macy, and James Spader. Some movies I love: Intacto, Momento, Fight Club, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I heart Huckabees, Amelie, Pulp Fiction, Lars and the Real Girl, The Triplets of Belleville, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Mary and Max...

Radiolab and This American Life are regular features of my downtime.

Books are wonderful, somehow they have slipped by the wayside recently. I have a lot of OLD favorites but very little by way of current favorites. I like McSweeny's and pretty much everything Dave Eggers has put out besides "And you shall know our velocity". I will admit to having loved the time traveler's wife; however, I refuse to see the movie. David Sedaris, Mary Roach, Oliver Sacks, Wally Lamb, and Christopher Moore all spring to mind.. I'm sure I'm missing some authors. Right now I have several books partially read including: The Mind's Eye, Sex at Dawn, and A Wrinkle in Time, Packing for Mars, And Blink... I should probably be spending more time reading books and less time consuming online materials.

Food? Don't get me started on food. I have a degree. I will happily spend eight hours making french pastry, cassoulet with duck confit, or a traditional italian grandmother's ragu with five different kinds of meat stewing all day in it. My friends get lavish birthday cakes. Cooking soothes my rough spots. Getting the skin of a roasted chicken perfectly crisp without drying the breast meat is one of the most satisfying feelings I know.
The six things I could never do without
My nuclear family, an excellent set of speakers, people that make me think, my kitchen, my psych meds, and someone capable of convincingly putting me over their knee for a good hard spanking every once in awhile.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
M-theory. Somewhere in the confluence of Buddhism, polyamory, hallucinogenic drug use, and physics I think I found the meaning of life and I just can't quite express it or access it fully so I'm kind of obsessed with poking at it. Also- DMT.

I'm so on to you, universe. I will figure you out just in time.
On a typical Friday night I am
If I'm not home with the baby I have probably been let loose to roam the streets of Seattle looking for a good time. This has played out a number of ways.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Who has two thumbs and zero need for privacy? This girl!

SpankGirl on FetLife

I have bipolar disorder and don't use it as an excuse to be a crazy asshole.
You should message me if
You got this far, you like something you saw, you think I have something to bring to your life, and you believe you have something valuable to bring to mine. There are a lot of people out there just talking to hear themselves and verbal processing is valid but I am drunk on communication and anyone that can stand toe to toe with me in a conversation is a person I want to know and listen to.

And/or you're really very kinky!