32 Austin, United States
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My self-summary
I'm the guy your mother warned you about, assuming your mother had a vendetta against laid-back quiet types with hearts of pure gold. Seriously, though, there's not much more at my core than that. I like to keep a simple outlook on life, sort of my own brand of zen. I try not to let anything really get under my skin. The small moments in life are what keep me happy.

I grew up in Austin, then spent a few years in school/working in Boston, Atlanta, and Waco. Now I'm back in the town that raised me proper. I love this city.

I make a lot of jokes. This is science fact. I have no problem going for the cheap laughs, either. If you don't like laughing at grandpa-worthy puns, run away. On the other hand, run in the opposite direction if you don't like laughing at the dirtiest jokes imaginable...Unless you're a legit robot, cause you're pretty awesome even without the ability to emote.
What I’m doing with my life
My life's goal is to become the sort of unwashed, filthy-rich loner that Sofia Coppola would want to make a movie about. All waking up in confetti-strewn ballrooms with my shirt untucked.

Or maybe I should just learn to live the Queeblo Way:
I’m really good at
-Chopping vegetables. Seriously. I can slice an onion so thin that it winks out of existence.

-Pointless trivia. It's sort of a blessing and a curse, but the more useless a fact, the easier time I'll have remembering it. Put a high school algebra problem in front of me, and I'll be a lost puppy...but I will never, ever forget that Corey Feldman provided Donatello's voice in both the first and third Ninja Turtle movies (but not the second, if you were curious)

I'm also good at everything else under the sun, especially making unfounded generalizations about my talents.
The first things people usually notice about me
I guess the Jewlicious curls, or the fact that those oversized royal trumpets can be heard every time I enter a room.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm reminded here of a line from High Fidelity: "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth." I tend to agree...there are few things that bring me more joy than sharing some form of media I love and seeing another person come to share that appreciation. That being said...

Books- I'm a pretty voracious reader. I'm generally a supporter of libraries, but there's something about amassing a personal book collection that I can't resist. A man ain't nothin' without a good shelf to his name. I tend to skew mostly towards fiction. Lately I've been getting into the crime game-- lots of James Ellroy, Elmore Leonard, George Pelacanos, and Richard Price...Perennial favorites are the usual nerdy suspects: Kurt Vonnegut, Phillip K. Dick, Ray Bradbury, Neal Stephenson, William Gibson. For what it's worth, I've also read every single Stephen King novel, even The Tommyknockers. Also have now officially hopped aboard the George R.R. Martin bandwagon, so just move along if you have blonde hair. I don't break bread with Lannister scum. gets me through the day.

Movies- It takes A LOT for me to dislike anyone, but I cast my first (and hopefully last) withering glare at some souless bastard who had the nerve to badmouth Back To The Future II in my company...there's crossing lines and there's crossing lines. I have a sterling cinephile reputation to uphold, so don't tell anyone I pushed the Decalogue further down my queue so that I could get Night Of The Creeps instead. I will watch any documentary, and I wish Werner Herzog was my crazy uncle. He would take me on magical adventures beyond space and time.

If you're not going to send me a fun and flirty message, at least do me the service of watching Upstream Color as soon as possible. It's streaming, so there's really no excuse. You won't regret it.

TV Quicklist: Deadwood, Breaking Bad, The Wire, Doctor Who, Twin Peaks, Party Down, Arrested Development, Mr. Show (, Parks and Rec, Seinfeld, Cheers, anything Ricky Gervais (update: as long as Stephen Merchant is involved), Battlestar Galactica, The Shield, Friday Night Lights, The Sopranos, The West Wing, The Prisoner, Freaks and Geeks, The Adventures of Pete and Pete (obviously)

Music: This first, Because your day will automatically improve tenfold-

My computer died a while back, and then my ipod got stolen before I could back anything up, so my music collection has been whittled down to almost nothing. It's a sad state of affairs, but it was actually kind of fun dipping back into my old CD collection from high school. (Hello Jimmy Eat's been a long time) Generally though, I'm willing to give a shot to pretty much anything...stock response, I know, but I think it's true. The Hold Steady is easily my favorite band from the last few years. They Might Be Giants were my favorite starting around 4th grade, so I feel kind of obligated to give them the top spot for longevity alone. But really, just this on a loop until the end of time:

I've been listening to the score from It Follows on a loop for the last week or so. I highly recommend it if you want to turn standard neighborhood walks into trips that plumb the depths of the fractured suburban psyche. At one point, a peak in the score was perfectly timed with a child on a bicycle zooming by my side, his hair that one particilar shade of Childrem Of the Corn blonde. I stepped aside as he presumably sped off into the night and into the open arms of He Who Walks Behind The Rows...
The six things I could never do without
Garlic. Friends. My cat. Netflix. Burnet Road. Lone Star. Sriracha.

I know that's seven, but I couldn't bare to choose between the last two.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
In no particular order-- whether the person next to me on the bus is trying to read over my shoulder, new recipes using the same old ingredients I always buy, story ideas, the length of time between any given moment and the point it lapses into nostalgia, what I'll be doing in 5 years, time travel
On a typical Friday night I am
drinking anywhere outside of downtown (except maybe Mugshots), OR at home getting my porch on, OR roaming aimlessly around the neighborhood catching up on podcasts, OR working late. The only thing I'm definitely not doing is listening to OAR, cuz that's the only band I've ever legit hated.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have 3 t-shirts from middle school that I still wear on a regular basis. Am I a small adult or was I a large pre-teen? The world may never know...

I recently tore through "Motley Crue: The Dirt" in the span of about 20 seconds. I learned that Vince Neil is a shameless drunk, a murderer, and all around horrible person. He owns that shit, though. I'd still blow him.

Also, it took me over a week to remember to list The West Wing above with my favorite TV shows. I'm deeply, deeply ashamed.
You should message me if
You prefer Rebecca to Diane.

You either own this, have seen it, or want to watch it as soon as possible:

But really, no caveats here. Do watcha will.