I'm surprised when people tell me I'm attractive.
I work hard, don't tell lies (especially about the important things), I have been abused & received therapy. I state things directly but I will use a good vocabulary. I am not small in stature, so I hope you have a problem with bigger people.
I identify as genderfluid, because I've had to deal with so much toxic masculinity in my life: I have a wide range of emotions, interests, and habits that venture beyond some masculine stereotype. This also means that I know how to treat someone more like an equal, hopefully. But I'm told that it makes me a better man than many others, by virtue of not needing to feed that ego. I hope that all makes sense.
You (check all that apply): Feminist, spiritual/philosophical, positive (unless we're talking STIs), sweet, compassionate, considerate, listening/patient, available physically, available emotionally, over 20 and below 50, likes male parts and the people to whom they are attached, understands & appreciates genderfluidity, accepting of mild Aspergers syndrome, know how to groom & nicely dress self, financially secure/sustainable or employed consistently, open-minded, have a higher education, are a slow & giving/sharing lover, and finally, your values regarding food, alcohol, drugs, and tobacco should come close to matching my own.
Me: funny, creative, romantic, eccentric, eclectic & electric. I've been eating very healthily for years: lots of veggies, reasonable portions, little or no snacking, no pork (and then making healthy choices). So far, it's working.
I'm liberal, socialist, very pro-BGLT rights, and a feminist. I also try to avoid that whole domineering, egocentricity that you see a lot, and I try to think before I do or say something, if I can think.
They don't have an option for Unitarian Universalism, even though it's ~4th largest religion in the country!
A cool video:
*Personality tests are not entirely accurate. The test gauges where you are at the moment, based on how you think and feel about things at that time. You will often shift in personality type throughout the day, week, month, year, and throughout your life. So do not take results like those as the only way to know yourself. You already know yourself: books, songs, friends, values, ideas, and feelings. The only way to really gauge where you are on tests like Myers-Briggs is to take it on an irregular basis and track your results objectively to determine where you tend to stay. But these results do not define who you really are any more than any other tertiary aspect. Nor should your love-life be beholden to them.
At present, I am continuing studies for my teaching license, and working in education & materials development at a local nonprofit.
The year-long assignment is coming to a close, and I am looking at my other options for work, which are getting better.
I get guff for living with family, but I take care of my elderly mom, and without my help, she would have died years ago. Also, we have loads of space, so we are rarely cramped, and can each have privacy, like cohabitating adults should.
We have a healthy and supportive relationship, and I do want to live on my own. So despite how the immediate impression of someone like me is, we are making the best of things, and helping one another through life: like family should. I do not know what more one could ask of me, and given the chance for a do-over, I would choose to take care of my mom, every time, just so that she could live comfortably & freely.
If you would rather date someone who leaves family to die, alone and suffering in every possible way, then date that person, and see what you get. I am not that person, thank god.
Being honest, and doing the right thing. Some folks try to cloud the issues with matters of unspoken/unwritten laws, but ethos isn't about exclusiveness or ambivalence. There are gray areas, but when it comes to the law, it's our responsibility to observe that.
I got a health exam, and my heart and lungs are healthy, and even my eyesight is better than 20/20. Thank heaven for small favors. I also tested negative for STIs; yaaay! I never suspected that I was infected, but it's worth checking.
I'm a pretty good cook and I know a lot about movies and current events, history, music, etc. People tell me I am a good conversationalist.
Those who date me notice that I like gentle touching, am a good hugger and kisser, and that I am fine with listening, not talking, or spending time together doing lots of things (including sharing). I am pretty comfortable in a lot of different temperatures, but don't mind snuggling if you're cold. Most women I date enjoy snuggling up to a big, soft, warm AMAB.
I try to speak in a softer baritone, but some people have a hard time hearing it over other noises. I also like to sing and make corny jokes. I'll also dance if I'm not feeling like I'll be embarrassed.
Fave authors include Dickens, Gaiman, Milton, and Shakespeare (and if you appreciated that list being alphabetical, you are welcome).
I also LOVE reading Psychology Today. Here's a great piece about relationship burnout: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-art-closeness/201508/5-signs-youve-got-relationship-burnout
Movies: comedies, scifi, action, drama, animated, fantasy, romance, romcom/chickflick
I really will watch virtually anything, even if I hate it, because I will pick it apart. I have found something to like in most things, even the worst films. But I don't like Kristen Wiig, I'm sorry. If a movie is filled with several cuts from improvised takes I will generally hate it.
On the other hand, I will give things a try that are unconventional: older movies with odd casting choices that are well-written, or stuff that I'm not supposed to like (i.e. costumed dramas). Two of my favorite kid films are The Incredibles and The Emperor's New Groove.
Music: a lot of older stuff, some newer stuff; I get picky about music I choose to listen to. I'll say it right now: reggae triggers flashbacks to bad times. I can't listen to it: not now, probably not ever. I have a lot of singer-songwriters in my collection, a number of whom are lesbians: I think it's because I like songs that aren't heteronormative.
Food: No pork, certain beans, lots of veggies, whole grains & lean protein. I like Italian, Indian, German, American, French, Slavic, and the pacific Asian styles of cuisine, including Chinese, Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese. Also, I prefer to dine in for so many reasons, and I can cook a lot of different styles of cuisine. Dessert is usually best with tea or coffee, it's my rule. I don't care if it's packaged cookies, eat it with coffee or tea. You won't regret it.
TV: news (Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O'Donnell, Jake Tappert), sitcoms (Bob's Burgers, some older stuff), Star Trek (except for Voyager, and I could tolerate some episodes of Enterprise), and a lot of other scifi, and I am open to exploring new stuff or rediscovering it. No, I will not watch GoT or Walking Dead; I will read a book while you watch it.
2. Music/movies/books & other stimulation
3. Good food & things to drink & clean water
4. Liberty/freedom, social justice
While I'm making lists, let's talk about turn offs:
- Try not to make all your pics selfies of you that are basically the same. Think: angles, lighting, outfits (casual vs formal vs work?). Showcase yourself.
- Don't bother to make a duck-face, or have a down-cleavage shot. The duck face does nothing for anyone, and I don't need to see that you have boobs.
- Also, don't make your pics all with friends, because I then have to decide which person looks the most alike in all these different pictures. Suddenly, I'm picking a face out of a lineup. Either say which one you are in each, or have one of just you. It just makes it easier. And if the person in the picture is a kid who is not your child, specify. A lot of people specify, and it helps to know "Is the person with whom I'm communicating a divorcee, a family friend to someone with kids, etc."
Please don't take any of these as judgments of you or your profile.
Let's all agree to never use these lines:
I don't date around or sleep around, and it's never about "conquests" like with some of those "players" who feel that kind of thing is enough. When you're nothing but a player, you're playing to lose.
I'll take this portion of your time to talk a bit about first dates. I cannot promise that a first date will be magical. You have to help make that happen. But first dates are rarely that magical, because it's a first date. I think that it takes a few dates & some phone conversations to find the magic.
To be forthcoming, I've been abused most of my life, but I've had a lot of therapy to help with it. I can be a bit needy/codependent if I'm depressed, but as a rule, I try to turn that energy into something constructive, like writing or doing/saying something kind for someone. So I'm probably in on Fridays, celebrating life & doing what I want.
I'm also a very musical person. I sing, play guitar, and have studied piano, drums, trombone, and I noodle around with a harmonica, a bamboo flute, and an ukulele.
I have a weird thing for women with short hair, when they can work it. It's not something I'll reject a women over, just something I think looks attractive. I also like women with long, flowing hair, when it works for them. It's none of my business how you keep your hair, because everything that I need is usually just under the hair, in the wonderful mind. I love a rich and exciting mind.
If I write you, recognize that it is a bold gesture on my part. I am not real big on overtly seducing someone. Everyone says stuff like "friends first," and that's what I go for.
Seriously, if you write me a crank email, you'll just get reported. But if you tell me about yourself, and respond to even a mere handful of the points above, then we'll be off to a great start.
If you're no longer interested, you can always tell me. I don't like to hold grudges about something as simple as that: it's important to me that I try to not be too clingy nor too distant.
I like people who have their own identities, and don't let mainstream society dictate who they are and how they do things. But you do not have to be a total nonconformist to be my friend.
They don't have skoliosexual listed:
I will befriend/date genderqueer and trans folks.
The website has been matching me up with a lot of lesbians. While I appreciate this, I know it's not realistic to expect to find a partner that way. So if you have read all the way to here, and still want to get to know me as a friend, we can talk.