35San Francisco, United States
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My self-summary
Jocks think I'm a hipster and hipsters think I'm a jock. I was the only rugby player in my MFA program. I love books and playing sports, intellectual conversations and a good your mom joke all about equally, so I sort of fit in a little bit everywhere and nowhere at the same time. But, you know, I'd like to think I'm pretty fun. I mean, most people like me. And by that I mean, like, my mom, and, uh... dogs. Especially dogs.

Other facts:
- I DVR at least five shows about competitive cooking.
- I stop to pet all dogs, except dachshunds, because dachshunds are assholes. (Okay, sometimes dachshunds too).
- I once stole a five-gallon water jug on my way out of a job I got fired from.
- I was the sixth and eighth grade spelling bee champion, and captain of my high school golf team. I know, I know, settle down, ladies.
- I love anyone who isn't full of shit.
What I’m doing with my life
Working as a film critic/pop culture and travel/food writer (my job for the last eight years), doing stand-up comedy for fun, and looking for looooove online oh god kill me
I’m really good at
Writing in boxes. Jokes. Cooking. Eating. Hugging. Trivia. Dog petting. Dog wrestling. Wrestling. Climbing trees. Recognizing faces of celebrities. Misplacing household items. Making big plans and ignoring the details.
The first things people usually notice about me
Unzipped fly/stain on shirt.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Cosmic Bandidos, any Hunter Thompson, Homage to Catalonia (any Orwell non-fiction), Vonnegut, TC Boyle, The Ask, Steinbeck, Wonder Boys, Richard Russo, Consider the Lobster, ... Lots of stuff. Generally, I enjoy pop non-fiction like Michael Lewis, funny essay/humorists like Sedaris (I've also read Bossypants, Sarah Silverman and Mindy Kalings' books), Pulitzer novels with a comedic bent like Russo or Michael Chabon, medieval history (4th Crusade what), and whatever else.

Shows: True Detective, Game of Thrones, Masters of Sex, Veep, Boardwalk Empire, Downton Abbey, Top Chef, House of Cards, Breaking Bad, The Wire, South Park, 30 Rock, Frisky Dingo, Vice, The First 48, Girls, Nathan for You, Archer... You know, all that white people shit. And food shows. Chopped is awful now, but I hate-watch every episode. I don't know why.

Food: All. I never get tired of Mexican, or trying to make the perfect salsa, guac, or chile verde. I make raviolis for the holidays.

Movies: I write about movies for a living, so I'm just going to sit this one out for the sake of brevity. I will say that I've watched Magic Mike on cable at least three times in the past year, and that I'm pretty much president of the Matthew McConaughey fan club.

Music: Look, I'm not very cool. I listen to very little pop and hip hop. I like anything punk, post-punk, pre-punk, or proto-punk, pretty much any rock with major chords that's vaguely obnoxious and/or vulgar, like me. Yes, I was into ska in junior high. I like some classic rock, the non-cheesy, non-prog rock kind. I also like Otis Redding/Sam Cooke-type oldies, and just about any Motown. I can name pretty much any pop or indie rock song from 1993-1998. Assorted early rap. Occasional indie rock. Older country, like Johnny Cash/Hank Williams, or rockabilly and rocky country. I know next to nothing about electronic music and its assorted acronyms.
Six things I could never do without
The toes on my right foot and happiness. Wait, no, pogs.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Your mom.
On a typical Friday night I am
the walrus, coo coo catchoo.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
This is such a bullshit humble brag question. "Lol, I can't believe I'm admitting this to thousands of random strangers, lol!"

Anyway, this one time I saved a bus full of legless orphans from a terrorist, but I don't really like to talk about it.
You should message me if
You want your face to melt off from the sheer power of my rocking.

Serious answer: if you're cute and clever, feisty, you can keep up in a conversation. Extra points for dogs. I think relationship longevity is correlated to the ability to keep surprising each other, but not in an "I-just-set-fire-to-your-clothes" kind of way.
The two of us