38Portland, United States
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My self-summary
"I wrote one sentence and put up a pic of me wearing huge sunglasses, yet the love of my life didn't fall into my arms in a week. This site sucks!" - 1/2 the people who try online dating

I need more dinner buddies - live in SE and like to eat food? Let's go then :) it's also Collins Beach time and I enjoy platonic beach buddies as well!

Because we can capture our true essence in a few paragraphs..... right?!?? Here's my attempt:

Don't care about your $$, what's between your legs or if you like to do the macarena - let's kick it. You hardly ever find "love" when you actively look for it anyway - it has found me at the "strangest" of times..... a good conversation piece. So why sweat the small stuff? You can't win if you don't enter, so here is me - take it or leave it.

I am witty, whip-smart and really hilarious.

It says "has cats" but I only have one. Don't like cats? Spare us both. Your kids are cool, just don't want to make any of my own. Had to clear those sections up.

Lets face it. This place is like a car accident at times - not pretty to look at, but I keep staring anyways. Just because you don't see what you want right away doesn't mean that something more suited to you will/won't come along. You get what you give.

KIK = Ker_blam
What I’m doing with my life
Self employed, no longer beach season so now I lie in wait....... of sun, precious sun! Meanwhile, tacos and cats.

So I'm putting together a collection of stories of peoples online dating experiences and I need "your" experiences! Good, bad, ugly, beautiful or just plain "wtf" !! Please email me your stories to

If I use one of your stories, I'll take you out to dinner! I'm not profiting from this and will most likely cost me $$, hence the lack of royalties. What I'm trying to do is dispel the myth that online dating is taboo or full of whackos. I've made many great connections through the interwebs and hope to hear some of your connections as well.

One thing I'm not doing is taking Snapchat filter pics of me in a dog costume or a wreath of flowers around my head :P
I’m really good at
Knowing the difference between "your", "you're", and "you is" - this is a GOLDEN video that explains this! :

Lovin' on some kitties!!! Difficult ones favor me especially.

Making tacos

Not thumpin' bibles

Being obvious with my emotions

Making a dollar out of fifteen cents, or any other similar math equation. I'm great at accomplishing things with little to no budget.

Handling stressful situations and events (yours and mine both)

Falling off my skateboard in front of bus stops full of people, especially if attractive women are present.

Cheering you on - go team!! Organized sports? Eh, maybe.....

Hugs - great big close "real" hugs, not those bullshit one armed kind where they tap you on the back like a tag team wrestling match.

Finding an excuse to hang out another 15 min. at any given place.
The first things people usually notice about me
Piercing blue eyes, big smile, and long curly brown locks.

I talk a lot, more than the average male.

I also show up in the strangest of places, sometimes without previous contact. Having lived in WA for a few years, I am often passing through or staying in several places there for small extended periods of time.

I also have a hard time holding my tongue or not acting on it when I see an injustice being committed. This is getting more prevalent as I get older, and so far I'm not minding it one bit.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The shallowest section on here, in my opinion. Just my tastes, but I like people despite what they answer here.

Artists: Banksy & Heri Irawan. Dustin Canalin & Nikki McClure.

Books - I read them. True story. Punny, eh?

Movies - Funny or informative. History flicks I can nerd out to also.

Shows - Eh..... goes in waves. Refer to movies section.

Music - This could take a while..... I think Mike Patton is god-like as far as vocals go. I listen to everything from mellow jazz to hard metal/hip-hop and other spooky shit. Interpol radio has been in heavy rotation lately on my Pandora. Check these:

Food - Lots of it, just no seafood besides fish please. Light on the cilantro as well. No wait, hold the cilantro please.
Six things I could never do without

Flavorful beverages of all varieties - alcoholic or non. I make a damnnnn good smoothie.

Fire, sunlight or some source of heat/warmth - never enough of this.

A tight friendship circle.

The ability to give and receive honesty. Example: If you or I aren't feeling a connection upon meeting, it's ok to say so :) leaving the other hanging sucks.

The ability to travel on somewhat short notice, work related or not.

Did I say tacos? Oh wait I did, then a tooth maintenance kit (toothbrush & paste).

Being empathetic on a much larger level than is apparent, especially upon the first couple meetings. Believe me, I see the big picture in things even if I don't let on to it. It's often misinterpreted and has been a curse at times for those just getting to know me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Want a good icebreaker? Ask me the story of my user name.

How I can enjoy my life as much as possible.

Kitties and tacos, again....

Why women don't show their face when making a profile here, or have pictures with them and multiple others as their only photo, or every single pic being with their children. I'm not trying to date your kids, I'm trying to date you! It is great you have them, but it makes it look like you are searching for a daddy figure when they are in every single photo you uploaded to a "dating" site. Try some solo pics (without your cute friends next to you) and let me get to know you first before forcing your children on me. This is 2016 and internet dating hasn't been taboo or embarrassing for years now...... /endrant.
On a typical Friday night I am
Portland shuns typical.

UPDATE: Still shunning typical.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I dated a Prime Minister's daughter from another country for several months and had no idea about her family until years later when I Googled her name. Trippy.... we're still friends too!

Whenever I go to a party, I make friends with the resident animals first before associating with many people.

Starting to think I'm relationship/partner minded after all these years of casual dating and not being that serious with many people. I'm a little bewildered at this revelation but excited also!
You should message me if
You want to contribute towards my collection of online dating stories as stated in the first paragraph, second or first hand!

I've found those that have "mellow, laid back, no drama" as descriptors more often than not are exactly the opposite of those things. It's also what most people want to hear. BE ORIGINAL!! I have very little time for people who want to blend in and be average. I like my women with creativity, moxie, with just a sprinkle of spontaneous crazy (NOT as a main course)! Bring something new to the table, and I promise to return the favor. Life is short and I want to soak up as much of it as I can before I take a permanent dirt nap.

You're not looking for Scottie Pippen aka "The Rebound King". Been that guy enough and the shit gets old. Also not your meal ticket or rent-free place to stay.

You want someone to make you laugh your ass off. My humor knows many levels, and I love to share it with people. Be ready for it.

Passive-aggressiveness has no room in any aspect of my life. Things only get uglier the longer they stay in the closet.

I am not after a "wifey", a sperm harvester/babymaker or running off into the sunset upon our first couple of meetings. I'm not really looking to rush in to anything, however I'm not one to ignore an obvious spark if one is ignited. I wouldn't mind a raging fire though at this point ;)

Having a steady partner is appealing to me, but not in a traditional/biblical sense..... as stated in the beginning of this mess, it's hard to capture yourself with just words, sometimes you gotta take a chance and not be so afraid of this big, bad world and step out of your box - it's the only way we learn new things. I've had both good and bad experiences from this site and I hope you are wise about it and it treats you just as well.
The two of us