37Tulsa, United States
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My self-summary
Hello, I'm Matthew. Here's the deal, I never know what to write in this section. I feel like I either don't write enough or I write too much. Last time I wrote about my love of Star Trek, and I'm pretty sure I could actually hear women groan in displeasure as they backed out of my profile. So, maybe less is more.

Here are some preliminary facts about me:

I've never been married. This means no crazy ex-wives to deal with. I asked Jennifer Aniston to marry me via a letter, but she never responded. However, the restraining order has been lifted thanks to a technicality, so there's still hope.

I don't have any children. I'm not sure if that's because I haven't tried, or because I'm shooting blanks. Either way, it seems like a positive worthy of mention.

I'm debt free. No student loans, no outstanding credit cards, and my car is fully paid off. This means I have more money to spend on my significant gambling addiction.

I don't smoke and I rarely drink. This means kissing me doesn't taste like licking the bottom of a bar ashtray, and I'll never vomit on your shoes because I've had one too many beers.

I've never been to jail, I don't litter, and I'm disease free. I give great foot massages and I love pineapple on my pizza.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a freelance graphic designer. I also work at American Airlines as a Portable Document Format Engineer. However, most of my income comes from Nigerian Prince scam emails.
I’m really good at
Catching speling mistakes.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a loud sneezer. Crazy loud.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
iTunes terms and conditions
Other people's grocery receipts
Clothing wash special instructions
Live Twitter billboards

Anything not in 3D

Anything about space
Anything about people living together
Anything about people hoarding stuff
Porn with decent story writing

EDM, or "techno" if you still live in 1998
Music with a screaming woman lead singer
90's sitcom theme songs
Tuvan throat singing

Six things I could never do without
My phone and the other five things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why people would try to sell something to a Pawn store and expect to get paid retail value for their item.
On a typical Friday night I am
Wondering why nobody is out, but then I realize it's Wednesday and this miniature golf course went out of business 6 years ago.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I send women dick pics of other guys dicks.
You should message me if
you're a female. I'm aware I am not, but one of us needs to be.

Side Note: If you are making a kiss (duck) face in your profile picture, I'll be hesitant to respond to your message. If you're fake kissing me, then you're fake kissing other guys. That's unacceptable.
The two of us