Looking forward to a venture to New Haven, Connecticut after Labor Day weekend. University of New Haven has a film program. Looking to expand my sphere of contacts. UCLA and USC are only two universities with a Film program. New England and appeals to me as a horror-genre screen actor. New York was the birthplace of Cinema, long before Hollywood. I have acted in independent Horror films since 1999. But, decline of announce that I am a freelance screen actor/screen writer unless the subject comes up because often times the reaction is “Why aren’t you down in L.A.?” I’ve been to Hollywood and Los Angeles. Movie production happens all over the country. Most of my actor friends float between The Bay Area and Los Angeles because work is scarce for those without a SAG card. Being freelance offers freedom to work on different projects.
TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2016
Meeting with someone to see if their banged-up used car may be a valuable addition to the independent short horror film I’m writing and my friend and I are co-directing. May be heading to Hollywood after Memorial Day Weekend to meet up with a friend and begin making plans to form an independent movie production company focusing on action-horror films. Been acting in independent feature and short films off and on since 1998. Bit parts mostly. But, may have a lead role in this one.
SUNDAY, APRIL 24, 2016
Retired from being a nursery consultant yesterday. Had a falling out with management at OSH. My decision to help customers rather than frantically down stock and front face shelves before our feared district manager arrives has routinely been an issue. The ten years I spent as a nursery consultant has shown me the demise of the scene. The nurseries refuse to acknowledge that the water crisis in California is real and serious. Most are independent and family owned. They are ill equipped to compete with the home improvement stores and hardware stores when it comes to volume. But, the persons who work there have far superior plant knowledge compared to the average high tech flunkout looking to reinvent themselves midlife or the right-out-of- high school kid with little or no prior experience and an abysmal work ethic. Retail does not recruit or nurture talent from what I’ve seen. The turnover of employees and lack of training is evident in the poor service and lack of product knowledge customers have come to expect. As a trained actor and a trained salesperson, I know how to conduct myself in conversations and interactions. I am part of a small percentage of those fortunate to have received formal training and mentorship. Click and Order is and has been for some time replacing Brick and Mortar. Retailers don’t see this with the immediacy and gravity with which they should. The caliber of associates I see in stores reminds me why this society sets such low expectations and strives for such little quality. On a parallel note, the first nursery job I had, I realized there was far more to know than I anticipated. Yet, instead of putting in my eight hours and fucking off, I endeavored to learn as much as I could from the master gardeners/master nurserypersons with whom I worked. After about eight months, I was selling more than any of them. Not because I was an expert. But, because I was passionate about excelling as a nursery consultant. My love of Botany and Landscape Design has not waned. But, my willingness to be paid to throw away plants and be a stocking clerk rather than a credible consultant capable of educating customers has been and is non-negotiable. Last night I foraged through my walk in closet and recovered my original production assistant fatigues from 1998. Though shorter and less built than when I was a twenty year kid, it has the relic of the sinewy black and grey attire and eye shadow I wore as a student rigger-stagehand and grip/production assistant on horror films from a long time ago. My four week venture to New Haven, Connecticut in September and my two-week venture to Hollywood, California in August to work on a couple independent Horror films brings me back to what inspired me as a Horror actor/Horror writer to begin with. I fell in love with Cinema and Theatre as a child. Horror films especially. Something intrigued me and resonated deeply when I watched the classic Horror film actors and saw Phantom of the Opera on stage in 1988 as a ten year old child. My dream in Life has always been Screen Acting and Screen Writing. Plants have been my escape and my secondary passion. I hope whoever so chooses to read this journal entry knows what drives them artistically. Thanks for reading.
FRIDAY, MARCH 04, 2016
Just got contracted to write two biographical feature film screenplays. Planning on going out to Hartford, Connecticut in September for six weeks to network with Film and Theatre professionals to expand my contacts. Went to Salem the week before Halloween last year with a friend. When The Sun went down, Salem PD showed up armed like infantry. I hear The Occult has a formidable presence in the town. There is an old colonial house in Connecticut that has been featured in a movie and some shows based on paranormal activities. Went to see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9Jy2T0uQ9Y and it was genuinely suspenseful. My friend wouldn’t watch the screen and became irritated when I asked her if she wanted to go for a moonlit stroll through the cemetery down the street from the cinemas. Strange things have happened to me throughout my life while in the house where I was born and grew up. A family member’s death and strong implications that the construction contractor who built the house and occupied it long before my parents moved in dabbled in The Occult. Had I not chosen Screen Acting and Screen Writing as a profession, I would likely have chosen Pagan Archaeology or Paranormal Investigation. Hollywood has its way of taking certain liberties with Paranormal events. Yet, I learned in a Human Anatomy class in high school that humans only use ten percent of their brains. Physiologically, it may be possible to communicate with another dimension. But, many claim it is dangerous because https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haHHr5_VX7I . May be possible that I desired to act in Horror films from an early age because of an innate fascination with the subject.
TUESDAY, MARCH 01, 2016
Writing scenes for the screenplay adaptation of my client’s horror genre short story. Looking to bring the screenplay to Eli Roth: director-writer of The Green Inferno. Lon Cheney wrote a story of the same title I’m told. Having acted in independent horror films since 1999 while taking Screen Acting and Screen Writing classes at West Valley College and San Jose State University. Also have a script meeting with a producer-friend up from Los Angeles tomorrow for discussing the rewrite of a biographical screenplay trilogy I wrote back in 1999. New Year Resolution: to get my SAG card.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2016
Parting with many of my personal belongings. Giving away items from my past to those who will appreciate them in some artistic context hopefully. Working towards earning a certificate in Landscape Architecture and Water Management. Working as a certified nursery specialist/nursery sales associate for Orchard Supply Hardware in San Jose. Looking at Xeriscape design for Santa Clara Valley residents while transitioning out of working for retail garden centers and nurseries. Ten years in June working as a sales associate in garden centers and nurseries. Screen Acting and Screen Writing is my foremost passion along with drawing prototypes for Rock jewelry. Have mixed feelings about leaving my profile up on this site. Not really the same looking to meet someone now as it was when I was a student or starting out in my profession. Silicon Valley is a great place to live if you are a rich asshole. But, as an artist….. There are far better places to call home.
No favorites. I’ve spent countless hours reading college/university textbooks. I read journal/trade magazine articles more often than books. Not really a huge fan of fiction novels. But, tabloids can be highly entertaining.
No favorites. No favorite genres either. Some that I like?…
Gladiator. Indiana Jones Tetralogy. Star Wars Hexalogy. Troy. Van Helsing. Pretty much any Adventure Epic. Some comedies: mostly parodial or satyrical.
AC/DC, Alice Cooper, Bad Company, Bahaus, Charm City Devils, Chris Cornell, Danzig, Dave Evans, David Bowie, Dirty Penny, Fast Track, Foreigner, Girl School, God Smack, Green Day, Hole, Joan Jett And The Black Hearts, King Diamond, Led Zeppelin, Mega Death, Mercyful Fate, Metallica, Motley Crue, Nine Inch Nails, Ozzy Osbourne, Peter Gabriel, Poison, Quiet Riot, Rabbit, Radiohead, Red Sunday, Rob Zombie, Scott Weiland, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Temple Of The Dog, The Beatles, The Breeders, The Clash, The Doors, The Misfits, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, Thom Yorke, Thunder Down Under, Tom Petty And The Heart Breakers, Twisted Sister, Vince Neil Band, Yes… To name a few.
Most times, I eat the same basic things: soups and vegetables. I work late into the night or until dawn - on closing shifts and overnight shoots. So, I eat light. Often grilled eggplant and brazed tofu. I do enjoy good beers.
III. Hard Rock
IV. Punk Rock
Ten years this month I’ve done freelance landscape design consultation. Seventeen years this August I’ve done freelance screen acting and screenwriting.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2014
Nine-Eleven… Thirteen years… Still remember the morning I heard the news and watched the footage of the towers. The plethora of emotions that accompanied the events of that day… The haunting imagery… It was my first semester at San Jose State University. I remember the tens and tens of students vocalizing their anti-American sentiments. I remember the hateful verbiage that echoed for days and weeks. Being politically moderate and progressive in my views, I was (and still am) resentful of the hateful speeches I heard on campus asserting the sentiment that America deserves what happened: knowing that members of my family have served in The Armed Forces. As a writer, I was disturbed by the superficial treatment of the events of that day by The American Media. As a student, I was resentful of the childish hyperbole I witnessed. Businesses drove full throttle to capitalize on 911: calendars, coins, tasteless memorabilia, etcetera… To me, this differs little from selling charred remains of those who died in and around the towers. I have long been repulsed by popular media for its cliché and irresponsible disclosure of sensitive subject matter. I have friends and family who serve and have served as fire fighters, police officers, and soldiers. I have had some very educational conversations with them based on this subject. My family had once hoped I would become a columnist or a journalist when I expressed an innate passion for writing. To say that I am negatively impressed with many publications and news programs is very much an understatement. Much to think about today.
Last night… Watched the independent feature film in which my brother and I acted. Shot the film summer and fall of 2008. I’m told it gained favorable critical reviews at some independent film festivals. Casting SAG and independent actors is a challenge: the guild and union rates are astronomical. Next feature film is scheduled to be shot spring of 2015 in San Jose.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2013
The writer/producer, producers, and director who replaced me with another actor after I couldn’t produce $5000 to invest in the film last year have apparently abandoned the project. I have a feeling the SAG actors they cast saw through the façade and name-dropping. I warned these guys from day one: you don’t promise money to guild-actors and then look for forfeiture-clauses in their contracts. The idea to comb prospective investors’ Facebook friends-lists for other investors seems to have angered some. In the time this enclave of wannabes has wasted others’ time, I acted in a feature film (as lead) and am scheduled to screen test for a secondary role in another feature. It’s been a long road (1998-2013) seeking roles in films and videos. But, worth the struggle when you meet credible and passionate artists who share a vision.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 08, 2013
I turn 35 in one month. Time flies. 15 years of freelance acting. Supposed to meet with the writer on this next script some time this month. And, get shooting lessons for the character role.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 18, 2012
Owls. Of every kind. My first word. Many have told me I look like an owl. I told my family if I achieve financial wealth as an artist or business owner I will maintain meager means and invest the funds into animal- and forestry preservation. I have to have some place to wander around when I talk to myself. My grandfather hanged pinecone owls everywhere at the house when I was a child. Any time I feel stress or any negative emotion I think of owls and the feeling dissipates.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 02, 2012
Why I bother looking for anyone online or on this site. My income, my height, and whether or not I have kids seems to be paramount. If I pass the litmus test I can look forward to a 90-minute interview over coffee. Just like shopping for a used car, I guess. Somenight I will publish a graphic novel celebrating all the nightmare dates I’ve been on over the last ten years since my fiancée died.
THURSDAY, MARCH 15, 2012
I get way too many accusatory/rude emails in my inbox. Yes, I’m 33 and hold onto my lifelong dream of being a professional screen actor. It’s not a pipe dream: I have acted in films and videos for 14 years, just not Hollywood blockbusters. So, end the insults. I had plans to go to acting school in Los Angeles when I graduated from West Valley College in 2001. A recession and back-to-back family medical issues kept me in San Jose for the past 11 years. If your little brother almost died of a blood clot in his heart and your father risked losing the house because he had to choose between a mortgage and keeping his partner alive, I venture to guess you too would stick around and do whatever you had to do to keep from watching your family dissolve. If that makes me a loser, then make me a crown with the biggest “L” you can fabricate. This is why I despise online dating: being made to feel like a piece of shit because I have obligations. I’d rather be alone than be with a soulless gold digger. You know who you are. End your shallow bullshit. It gets stale.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2011
7:00 tonight… I see three of the original twelve olde night party friends from years ago. 2001-2011: It’s been a long time. Our sacred inductive mantra reigns untarnished:
Pour many a drink.
Let not a drop spill.
Long live the patrons…
Of The Great House Of Swill!®
Too bad only five of the twelve lived to tell of our legacy: Willow Glen’s most self indulgent and macabre fraternity of lunatic-Rock conneseurs.
Halloween Night 2002 I lost my virginity to my ex fiancée. And desecrated my friend’s couch in the process. It wound up abandoned behind a Longs Drugs store the next week.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 05, 2011
Met up with a customer to see a movie last night. First woman I’ve met up with who didn’t tell me I look smaller in person than in my photos or interrogate me as to my income and living situation. Didn’t have to apologize for living at home to help pay the mortgage and support my brother while he looks for a job and graduate program. Interesting when you meet someone in person. No photos to give false or misleading impressions. I guess that’s why dating sites are a joke and meeting someone in person is actually worth it. Sorry, Ok Cupid.
TUESDAY, JULY 26, 2011
With the ridiculous volume of rodenticide my neighbor puts out, his dog died. Bed sheets topped with rotting fruit beneath the trees’ canopies and he wonders why they come. The rats that eat well from his yard have tried to take refuge in the attic. But, become a meal for the opossum that lives behind and underneath our tool shed. The opossum eats from the grape vines that cover the fence between the neighbor and us and sleeps in the shaded grape-cannabis vineyard growing there. The opossum makes itself scarce and avoids the baited areas as well as the rotwielers and shotgun.
MONDAY, MAY 16, 2011
Taking class four of six for arena rigging 3pm to 7pm tonight. Working towards becoming a certified entertainment technician so I can escape retail. Degrees in Liberal Arts, Theatre Arts, and Advertising apparently do not qualify me for a job that pays a living wage. I enjoy celebrity status at the plant nursery where I work.
What I would look like with… Green hair with purple highlights, purple hair with green highlights, or… Slate-blue hair when I get older. It creeps my retired party buddies out that I’m older than them and I still look like I did when we were young and reckless in our party days/daze. I don’t smoke. Plus the sugar-free Rock Star and cheap Merlot kept me well preserved.
Achieving recognition for my efforts and my work. Currently shopping one of my scripts to graduate students and independent producers(some who are friends) to get a director and cinematographer for my suspense short film. I act and I write. I am not yet savvy with a motion picture camera.
I don’t color my hair. I do have some gray melding with my dulling brown. I have a friend Back East who’s into Fashion Design. I asked her to make my hair large like 80s Rock bands with owl wings instead of the tapered look.
TUESDAY, MARCH 01, 2016
I changed my LOOKING FOR status to NEW FRIENDS after all the shitty dates I’ve been on through dating sites. Too many with too much baggage and serious commitment issues. If a friendship develops into something more then so be it. Otherwise, fuck it. I’m busy with Acting, Landscape-Design, and Writing.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 08, 2014
36 tonight. Funny to think about… I got into acting when I was 18.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2014
My dream in Life is to achieve success as a screen actor and screenwriter. And, to support other artists in their endeavors.
THURSDAY, AUGUST 16, 2012
October 2007/October 2010… It was a strange feeling seeing myself on a screen in a movie theater for the first and second time. It was a surreal reaction seeing something fictional blended with something real. As a writer it felt very strange. You perform in front of a camera yet you know it is live footage of yourself portraying someone fictional yet the experience is real.
MONDAY, APRIL 23, 2012
I wept. Under a willow tree. My friend and I agreed to head to a local cemetery at night for coffee. While cleaning and sorting earlier that day I happened across long lost photos in a dusty envelope that dates back ten to twelve years. In these photographs are group photos of me and friends at the time. Many of whom I no longer see, speak to, or are alive. It saddened me to see these pictures. While drinking coffee that night against a backstage of lightning and thunder I admitted to her that it pains me that I never got to know these persons as adults. We were irresponsible and reckless kids partying all the time. Several never lived to see age twenty five. I often wonder what they would have been like had we remained friends after our years of excess and immaturity. Wind and cemetary willow limbs wipe away tears very efficiently. More so than Time's ever-effacing hand.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2011
I turned 33 last week. I’ve been trying to break into professional screen acting since I was 19. I have plans to start a production company to produce movies for which I write scripts, with some outside financing. The students and independent filmmakers are guilty of the same thing: regardless of how good an actor someone is… If they wouldn’t fuck you… They’re not gonna cast you in their film unless it’s to play a bit part as a one-dimensional character.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2011
I’ve been told I look like an owl. My eyes are large for my face.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15TH, 2011
The guest house I occupy here in San Jose is haunted. My very religious/zealous co-worker/friend tells me it’s because I had premarital sex with a party girl who was outside the religion…(my ex fiancee). She woke me several times in one night on several occasions, claiming she could hear commotion and voices. All while living with me in this guest house when I was a full time student and living here to save money while working towards a BS degree at San Jose State University. I have awakened many times, feeling as though there were someone standing over me or nearby. In college, I took General Psychology as a G.E. elective. One of the books I read was Lucid Dreaming. An account of patients claiming to have supernatural experiences while being hooked up to machines in Stanford University’s Dream Research Institute within the school of Medicine. Patients experienced drastic fluctuations in heart rates and heart rhythms when they were physically and verbally manipulated into very low stages of sleep. Many reported seeing things within the room the way they appear in reality. Yet, some things were arranged differently. Sometimes a person or a shadow would loom over them. I began keeping a dream journal and began reading books on Dream Psychology. I had to cease reading eventually because it creeped me the fuck out. There is a famous story in Egyptian lore about two twin sisters – princesses – who had a dream that they had been mauled be a half human/half animal creature. They awoke to find themselves scratched and scathed in the very same places they had dreamt. Quantum Physicists have explored the possibility of supernatural activity for many years. Some claim there are ways to measure activity outside of humans’ sensory and especially visual capabilites. My cousin teaches Yoga. In college, she wrote a comprehensive report about common experiences among those who claim to have been visited by presences. Halloween persists year-round in this house.
Monday, October 31st, 2011
I meant to post this one Halloween Night… I don’t sleep in rooms with mirrors if I can help it. When I was very young my cousin and her friend would look after me when my parents went out for the evening. My cousin’s friend was into The Occult and would do things to frighten me: locking me in closets with the lights off while screaming violently, locking me in our chest freezer and sitting on the lid, tying me to the bed post then turning out the lights and screaming. One time she drew a pentagram with an all seeing eye in its center on the floorboards in my room and forced my hand onto it. She spoke in some strange dialect and pretended to become possessed. She dragged me into my parents’ bedroom and forced me to stand before the mirror while she told me demons could see me even though I couldn’t see them and they would thereafter start watching me in my sleep and come out of the mirror to attack me. Being five at the time, I believed a couple 15 year olds. At 32, the eerie uncertainties of The Afterlife coupled with memories like these give a good scare when it’s dark.
MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2011
Evil spirits watch me when I lie in my bed late at night after work and pleasure myself. So too do the Halloween decoration life-size skulls atop my bedroom bookshelf. My room is a dark and frightening place. Friends have told me they feel presences in and about my house when they come over to hang out. I then offer them more beer or wine. I sleep on the couch in my living room. My bed invites nightmares. Some house guests have had nightmares when they crash on my couch.
FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2011
Planning a trip to San Francisco next week and an investigation into the production company shooting Knife Fight – the new Rob Lowe film. The nursery declined my request for the day off when open auditions were being held for bit part actors and extras. Now I have to get headshots and a resume to the production company or the casting director.
February 2001… After being told I had the role of Adrian, the producer/writer gave the role to this guy. Fair enough: He was a Rock singer with a label. I was a student actor at the time. The record label invested venture capital into the film. My venture capital was tuition and rent.
I am using a site to meet someone because being committed to my jobs keeps me from having a social life.
I changed my status to “Looking for new friends” to see where things lead. I was told by a couple long time female friends that stating “Long Term Dating” or “Short Term Dating” comes across as being desperate. So, since I haven’t met up with anyone in a while, I decided to be open to letting things transpire at their own pace. Last two members I met on here were questionable.