I'm a stabber-in-the-darker, stargazer, stumbler by foot and word, riding my ghetto SUV across the sky to Never Never Land with poor Wendy Darling by the hand, the Lost Boys still make her smile. I'm a total fool listening for your footfall, looking for gold in a bunch of Timexes, freedom-fighting from the proudest part of the city, where the cops drive the wrong way, plotting my Mom response to armed gunmen. Bluebird-chaser turned paper-chaser, shiny-thing dealer, debt-dodger, daydreamer of mountains and sagebrush, painting the owl's eye, selling hats. I was fearless and now I know the fear of the guardian, I was wild and know the burden of wilderness, now I'm lying on the floor still dizzy from the spinning days, overheated by the heater, cold from my own shoulder, arms long enough to reach a key, make a word that turns in the lock, drop through the door in the floor and land in the Foam Rubber Convention, held up by hope, held-up by hope.
I used to make a meager living as a wildlife researcher, now I make a meager living as a freelance middleman, trying to switch to making a meager living as a rockhound, I have no designs on making a good living ever or owning a large home, I think money's greatest purpose might be in purchasing large acreages of natural lands for conservation, otherwise it is for spending. I will never be rich, organized, or interested in mowing the lawn or waxing the floor, I will never have dinner ready or be on time with dry hair to anything. If those are things you require from a partner you'll have to look elsewhere, I tried to be that person once and that sucked for everyone.
"But sometimes I am convinced you are a wonderful person and that's all you need to know. Or if not wonderful then good. And if not good then decent. And if not that then you a person. And that's enough. God, that has to be enough. "
Movies....The Princess Bride, The Thin Red Line, The Tiger and the Snow, Machete, Bandits, Banditas, The Last Unicorn, Die Hardest, Amelie, Moon, No Country for Old Men, LA Story, True Grit, anything with Clint Eastwood, Monty Python, And Hable Con Ella.
TV- The Lone Ranger, Batman, Wonder Woman, X-Files, Stargate, Firefly, NCIS...Raising Hope?
Music- Jarabe de Palo, Okkervil River, Willie Nelson, Gogol Bordello, Mayte Martin, Mickey 3d, Franco Battiato, Shearwater, Matthew Good, Emmylou Harris, The Tragically Hip, Los Fabulosos, Steve Arceri, John Denver, Ani DiFranco, Lyle Lovett, everything else good.
Food....Indian and authentic Western Mexican and sushi, but I could eat plain spaghetti with parsely and parmy every day and be very satisfied.
Oh and I can't count.
Fun facts time!!
I once had an endangered lizard in my pants. Really.
I once lived in a place where the only cell phone reception was at the entrance to an active bat cave. While chatting on the phone I watched a scorpion give a tarantula the willies.
One time I pulled over to give a wolf a ride. Turned out it didn't need one, maybe because it wasn't domestic. I'm still not sure but, in retrospect, it might not have been my greatest plan.
The first time I went to Madrid I had blue hair and cowboy boots and my best Carhart jeans, because I wanted to look nice but figured the city people would be totally down with colored hair because to me, the city was Seattle. My bad.
One of my most boring jobs included driving on piles of bombs. I used to have a hard time knowing when to say no to my boss. So now I work for myself. And have the same problem.
One time I accidentally put my tent up over an armadillo den. That was confusing for everyone.
I've been to the Testical Festival. I didn't eat the food.
I traveled from Florida to NYC to South Texas to San Francisco to Seattle with a singing cricket in my pocket. I did get some looks during a party but the music was just loud enough...
Things I've done for money include selling paintings on the sidewalk, shearing sheep, counting birds in the rain, wading through alligator-infested water, walking on bombs of course, walking the Oregon Trail, climbing trees, climbing cliffs, falling off cliffs, making dog collars, driving a swamp buggy, judging hedgehogs, photographing swimsuit models, photographing javelinas, sorting medical records of the deceased, killing weeds, making t-shirts, selling greeting cards, hiking in gorgeous places, thrift shopping, kayaking, sorting worms in mud, getting chased by hawks, shoveling shit at a raw milk dairy, driving through a lot of rivers, walking in a lot of rivers, spending entirely too much time on the Internet, sniffin' posies, collecting squirrel turds, staring at the sky, digging post holes, writing a poem, experimenting on baby fish, teaching kids, backpacking dirt, and hunting for colored eggs.
This one time I was speeding down a bumpy dirt road listening to Celia Cruz sing "A Lo Loco" with a 4-foot rattlesnake in the back of the truck and I realized she was singing about me.
You want to share a deep connection and speak without judgement and laugh during sex.
You can be kind and enjoy couch conversation or road trips to loud music.
You want a best friend. Or, you already have a best friend who is at least as awesome as you and also wants another best friend. You will note that this math equates to 2 best friends or 3 best friends, but is not equal to 2 best friends and Yoko.
You can enjoy dark twisted humor but abhor violence.
If you are extremely intelligent and intuitive disregard all of the above and contact me so we can finally have a decent conversation.
I'm a poor bastard who uses this thing for free so, I can't see if you "likes" me. So if you likes me, don't be pussyfootin' around, just say hi instead.