45Winter Haven, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Hmmm The basics- I'm ~ 6'2" SWM (I think I did that right) and I have brown hair and hazel eyes (at least when they’re not glowing). As for how all that is put together I don't seem to scare small children or have strangers throwing rocks at me or anything when I go out so I assume that I'm not a troll. As for personality, well the doctor say that as long as I keep taking my medications I'll be alright (kidding – well sort of). Smart ass does not begin to describe me. Many other words have been used to describe me (and we'll skip the bad ones thank you very much) just a few are "aggressive as hell" (some (okay most) say thick headed), “tenacious like a pit bull,” and my favorite - “politely obnoxious.” See I never give up when I’m committed to something to the point of thick headedness (which means if I'm bugging you , you have to let me know VERY CLEARLY. I don't wanna bug anybody (well that’s not entirely true - some people are a whole lot of fun to bug) but it has been know to happen from time to time; o) Just a bundle of sunshine huh girls? ;o) But well this is an ad and I believe in truth in advertising so there it is. Me. The wreck that I am. P. S. Did I mention that my parents met in a psych hospital??? -- How’s that for a lead in to an email?
What I’m doing with my life
Anywhichway if I had to describe myself I’d say I was a “mostly," reformed very bad boy, dyslexic high school drop out, highly educated, politely obnoxious, ego maniac, smart ass attorney who likes to cause trouble. True story. The whole dyslexia thing caused me no end of trouble in school as a kid- got kicked out of junior high sent to a military school outside of Chicago. That didn't work so back to regular high school which lead to all kinds of bad things, bad people and sketchy situations. After leaving high school I back doored my way into UC Berkeley, somehow survived and did well enough on th LSAT to get into Tulane Law. Became a trial junkie and ... Fast forward 14 years and here I am.
I'm a big believer in the Teddy Roosevelt quote,
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” That applies to all of life in my opinion. You can't succeed unless you try. Lincoln and Oscar Wilde got it right too: "In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln. "To have lived a life without regret really isn't to have lived at all, is it?" - Oscar Wilde. But Kipling probably said it best;

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!”
? Rudyard Kipling,

Yeah I kinda like to read a lot.

Oh and if you don't like books and dogs I'm probably not your guy. Also I compete in marksmanship competitions and I know that is an issue for some.
I’m really good at
Lawyer jokes;o)

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.

What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!=:

Why do you need only two pall bearers at a lawyer's funeral? A garbage can only has two handles.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

How lawyers do it...

Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"

The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a****ail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

Replacing lab rats with lawyers
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.

2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.

3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.

4. There are some things even a rat won't do.

An honest lawyer
An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

I'm also good at my job- winning in court to help the little guy.

And I'm a pretty good shot, no one beats me in rummy or dominoes and I have a talent for practical jokes- they're like performance art to me.
The first things people usually notice about me
My glowing red eyes? Jutting brow? King Kong stunt double looks? The smell? Not really sure... most people either really like me or really don't. Why that is? Beats me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm a big book nerd. I've collected old leather books for years and love reading.

Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
A Prince and a Pauper by Mark Twain
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
A Yakee in King Authurs Court by Mark Twain
Candide by Voltaire
Cyrano De Bergerac by Edmund Rostand
The Count Of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas
A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickins
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
Early Ann Rice
Anything Star Wars
Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea by Jules Verne
Gulliver's Travels by Johnathan Swift
A Farewell To Arms by Ernest Hemingway
The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
The Hunchback Of Notre Dame [Notre-Dame De Paris] by Victor Hugo
The Last Of The Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
The Sea Wolf by Jack London
The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck
Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad
The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
The Rights of Man by Thomas Paine
Plus anything Vince Flynn, Lee Child, Tom Clancy, W.E.B Griffin the basic mind candy blowem up kinda junk
List goes on and on. I kinda like to read.

Music- well I was in Berkeley during the hayday of grunge Pearl Jam Nirvana, STP. Classic rock especially of the southern rock variety. Plus the hard stuff like Tool.

Blue Bloods, House, Firefly, Bones, Star Wars, Kevin Smith fan - esp Chasing Amy, Vikings, Last Kingdom, Dexter, Castle, Defiance, Ray Donovan, Black Sails, White Queen, Crossbones, The Musketeers, Breaking Bad, Bastard Exicutioner, SOA, The Shield, Justified, Deadwood, Boardwalk Empire, Rome, Burn Notice, Weeds, Soprano's, The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, The Usual Suspects, Forrest Gump, Platoon, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction this list is too big to get into..
Six things I could never do without
My doggies Bonnie and Teddy.

My books- love my books.

Stuffed Chicago style pizza.

Old coin my granddad left me- only dollar he had when he married my grandmother. Kept it 76 years and then passed it to me.

My sense of humor as sick and juvenile as it is.

Maslow stopped at five so so will I
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Hmmm so upon reflection I'm throwing out a question for anyone who wants to answer. Why is dating so hard? I mean most folks online are looking for basically the same thing; a connection. A companion through life to add spice to our day to day existance. So since we all are on one level or another looking for the ONE why does fitting the peices together end up being so hard? Sure sure there are some nutbags out there but here I am, good job, smart, somewhat funny, no criminal history and not messed up looking basically a nice guy yet unattached. Come on girls, what am I doing wrong? Ready to be taken off the market so looking for some constructive advice. Thanks for reading.
On a typical Friday night I am
50/50 Either heading to the gym then reading a book or going out on a date.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Put nothing in writing and deny everything;0)
You should message me if
My perfect match??? No horns, no pointy tail, no glowing red eyes, no triple 6 tatoo's on her forhead and she can't smell like pitch and brimstone -> ! In other words I'm looking for a woman unlike anyone else I've ever dated - one that doesn't leave a forwarding address of the lowest layer of hell. Hmmm since that seems a little vague I'll try to be a little more specific I'm looking for honesty, integrity and a firm grasp of reality. And most importantly her personal motto can't be "I think therefore I scam!" Everything else is chemistry!

Ok that's a good start but more seriously, I'm looking for a true partner and playmate. A beautiful, intelligent and kind woman. Someone that truly understands the golden rule and treats others as she wishes to be treated and believes, as I do, that love is the true expression of ones values and the greatest reward one can earn for for the moral qualities of their person and character. Ladies Im looking for someone that lights my soul on fire. That wakes me up and makes me take notice. And I also want to be that guy for some girl. Anything less just won't do it for me. Anywhichway, I know you're out there somewhere hopefully you're the one ready my profile right now;0) If that's you then let's talk. Thx ~Cj
The two of us