29Munich, Germany
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My self-summary
Dia dhuit, Hola, Bonjour, Ahoj, Привет, und guten Tag. Welcome to my profile.

USA-born, survived Bayern the last several years. Musical. Linguistic. I'm appreciating the German beer culture as much as I'm able as long as I'm here.

I do whatever a Spider-Pig does.

~~Why did Professor Snape teach Potions and not Herbology? Because his Lily died.
What I’m doing with my life
Figuring out where I went right. Or wrong. Or left.

~~If "pro" is the opposite of "con," what is the opposite of "progress?"
I’m really good at
Pfandflaschen sammeln.

I'm also really good at: being terrible at writing opening messages to people here.

Finding four-letter words which begin with C.

~~How is an N64 controller like an old man? Eventually the stick gets worn out with age.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
TV Addictions: Dexter, How I met Your Mother, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Doctor Who, Psych, South Park, Arrested Development, Archer, Steven Colbert-John Oliver-Jon Stewart, Tatort, House of Cards, Doctor House, Suits, Sherlock

Yummy edibles: Eggs, pizza, and burn-your-tongue spicy food. Sushi.

Aural stimulation: Strictly classical. Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Пётр Чайковский. Ich höre tatsächlich auch absolut. Also: video game music.

Guilty pleasures from Hollywood: Sherlock Holmes, Pirates, Django Unchained, James Bond films, LOTR, Rat Race, Shawshank Redemption, The Room... Netflix is amazing.

~~How do you know if a soprano is at your door? She doesn't know which key, and doesn't know when to come in.
Six things I could never do without
1) Sarcasm
2) Beer
3) Sarcasm
4) Coffee
5) The feeling of waking up in the morning without needing to set an alarm clock
6) Self-confidence
7) The ability to count to 6.

~~I think my neighbor is stalking me. She was Googling my name on her computer last night, as I saw it through my telescope.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Well, what I DON'T spend a lot of time thinking about is reincarnation. But I did in a previous life.

Who has actually taken the time to read my profile from top to... well, this point.

~~I bet you that I can stop gambling.
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching Disney films on Netflix. Plotting world domination. Staring deeply into a mirror and contemplating life without a reflection.

~~The psychiatrist tells his grieving patient: "If you could tell your father one last thing, what would it be?" "We're so sorry for cremating you, we thought you were dead!"
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Size isn't everything. So please don't judge me solely on my 22cm penis.

I also fondly enjoy "That's what she said" jokes.

Three lies and a truth:
I have streaked in public before.
I have a fetish called nasophilia.
My diet consists mostly of coffee, beer, and frozen pizzas.
I used to take ballet dances when in high school.

~~When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
You should message me if
If you want to practice German or English. Or teach me French, Russian, Cantonese.... you get the drift.

Proper grammar is one of my favorite aphrodisiacs. That being said: If I attempt to write in a language other than English, I still care about grammar and am trying to do it properly; it's simply that I may have a word wrong or grammar rule learnt incorrectly. I welcome criticism and appreciate when mistakes are pointed out.

You're welcome to ask any question you would like. Yes, any question. You get just one, and I encourage you to use it wisely.

~~ I'm sorry, were you expecting yet another joke? Well, I guess you'll have to inquire within for more :P
The two of us