Well let's see. In the interest of preserving this record for future generations, I suppose I define myself primarily as an academic and secondarily as a decadent. I'm not a hedonist, but I do love indulging good food, good friends, good fun. I am an INFJ in the Meyers-Brigg sense if that means anything to you (although a lot of people are surprised I consider myself I and not E). I like to think of myself as very kind and other-directed but that's the kind of thing that needs to be proven and not stated. I love literature, good TV, neurotic people and pugs (the most neurotic of all dogs). Incidentally, the adorable Jim Henson Creature Shop monster in my profile picture is named Gargamel and is also (tragically) deceased.
Also, I'm in an open relationship in case the status didn't tip you off. My partner is the thoroughly lovely Summestormrain / Stormia who I met right here. Just, you know, make sure you're cool with that before you message me/reply to my message.
In terms of my carriage and demeanor? I'm gregarious though perhaps tinged with a patina of the awkward. In situations where I feel comfortable, I am often described as "the life of the party" but, man oh man, if I hate being somewhere I quickly turn into that disgruntled-looking wallflower nursing his non-alcoholic drink.
Movies: Among my favorite films are probably Cohen Brothers movies (esp. The Big Lebowski, The Hudsucker Proxy, and the much maligned Ladykillers), After Hours, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (and, truth be told the the whole Middle Earth sexology--ask me why I love Desolation of Smaug), Labyrinth, LA Confidential, Bladerunner, Mullholland Drive, Ian McKellan's Richard III, Chinatown, Moulin Rouge!, Juliet of the Spirits, Tangled (Rococo animation ftw), Nosferatu, Doubt, the Trevor Nunn Twelfth Night, Porco Rosso, Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke (fine: all Miyazaki), Wings, Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula (which I'll defend to the death), the Marvel franchise-ish (though, especially, Iron Man 3, the Winter Soldier, and Guardians of the Galaxy), Cold Comfort Farm, The Act of Killing, Bernie, Ravenous, Julie Taymor's Titus, and many others.
I am additionally sucker for ghost stories, even shitty ones. I loved Woman in Black, Absentia, The Conjuring, The Unborn (give me a pass on this one please, Dybbuks fascinate me), The Awakening, and all manor of Guillermo del Toro directed and produced stuff (the Devil's Backbone, Pan's Labyrinth, El Orfanato, Crimson mothuhfucking Peak), the Innkeepers, and for whatever reason the Amateur Night segment from VHS (though impossible to reccomend, it's just sort of the distillation of what I study)
TV: Game of Thrones (given my love of the books I was doomed from the start on this), Parks and Recreation, any and all David Attenborough nature documentaries, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, New Girl, Silicon Valley, Carnivale, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Lost, Rome, American Dad, Bob's Burgers, Gossip Girl, Brooklyn 99 Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Archer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, really any Joss Whedon show (and I will contend that my favorite is Dollhouse and totally argue with you in favor of it), Dexter (except for that shitty shitty final season), 30 Rock, Hannibal (!!!), Orphan Black, Rock of Love (RIP), mothuhfucking Penny Dreadful (finally--Victorian horror we can be proud of), Arrested Development (duh), Reign (I'd say it's a guilty pleasure but I feel no guilt admitting it), Pushing Daisies, The Venture Brothers, Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, The Leftovers. I'm definitely in love with TV. It's my preferred medium hands down.
Music: Leonard Cohen, Florence + The Machine, They Might Be Giants, Lesley Gore, MSMR, Kesha (seriously, I'd send that woman all my teeth), Emilie Simon, Nouvelle Vague, Ellie Goulding, Taylor Swift, Bonnie Tyler, David Bowie, all kinds of Doo Wop and Showtunes and Plinky Harpsichord Shit. End of the day, Pop Music is pop for a reason, my life is more delightful for it.
Food: I am a foodie. I am open to really anything and everything but same favorites include Tagliatelle Bolognese, Kitfo, Japchae with Bulgogi, Barbecued Salmon, a good bagel with lox flavored cream cheese (but not lox and cream cheese).
1. Good books
2. A worthy woman to fawn over
3. Good food
6. My cat.
I find myself with a list of dealbreakers that is thoroughly odd, super malleable but also telling in terms of the type of people I tend to not get along with. I'm excising the usual discussion of people who are my political opposite, don't believe in equal rights, are not feminists etc etc. Those things will surely show up in our match percentages.
1. You believe that everyone in LA is a transplant and that LA is synonymous with Hollywood is synonymous with the Film Industry. I have nothing against transplants of course, but I'm a native Angeleno and this is one of the most populous and geographically large metropolises in the world. Saying that the whole city is the film industry is like saying all of the Bay Area is the Tech Industry or all of New York is Wall Street. It may be the loudest and most externally visible part of the city but it's a tiny minority of the actual people living here. By a similar token, you believe that LA is a terrible place. You'll find no sympathy from me. I insta-block anyone that mentioned living in "Hell-A." You live here. Appreciate it, damnit.
2. Your favorite musical is, unironically, "Love Never Dies." I sort of don't care what your favorite musical actually is, but LND is trash made by a trashman and if you love it without distance and camp then I kind of think we were not aesthetically made for one another. (If this sounds too-specific, that's because it is. It happened to me on a terrible date and we could not move past it).
3. You think the Westside is the quintessence of Los Angeles and you don't want to leave it. The Westside has merits and I enjoy going there. But it's the most one percent-y, entitled and classist parts of the metroplex. If you feel like this is where you belong and wouldn't consider anywhere else in LA worthwhile then are aren't compatible. This goes double for people who think the Westside is everything west of the 405. It's not only a ridiculous statement, it really fails to understand that what is called the Eastside is west of the river and that there is a whole half of the city--largely African American/Latino and largely lower class--that exists and matters.
(that sounded super ranty and I guess it is, but man does this point of view anger me)
4. You fettishize Bret Easton Ellis or Bukowski. These writers aren't the only one of their kind, but they epitomize the kind of faux-counter culture white male sleaze that gives 20th century literature a bad name. I think that listing them as your favorites belies a desire to rage against a cartoon parody of "mainstream society" while embracing a kind of deeply problematic misogyny and oversexed, underthought nihilism that will someday eat you up inside and make you into a dense, oppressive ash cloud. I'd rather you unironically love Clive Cussler, Stephanie Meyer, or Dan Brown; at least then your terrible taste isn't actively making the world a worse place.
5. You think that movie/TV adaptations are bad in inverse proportion to their faithfulness to the source material. There are plenty of stupid, cynical changes out there that undermine what made a book/graphic novel/play great (I'm looking at you, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) and that's a problem, but my biggest issue in nerd culture is the idea that fidelity should be the main goal of an adaptation. I went on a date recently where the woman said that she was proud to have been kicked out of LotR screenings for shouting out "that's not how it happened" every time the film deviated. That's just awful. Like the most awful. Look, I'm a literature professor, I have a great respect for the written word and I hate a bad adaptation just as much as the next person, but a text isn't sacrosanct. Rowling, Tolkein, Martin, whomever else you want to point to: they're human beings and their writing has merits and flaws. Furthermore, a film/series can't ever be a direct translation. Some things don't translate. Stop feeling like you own the books you love and especially stop being mad when they alter it, because it somehow is a violation of your enjoyment.
6. You believe that your exercise/dietary regimen is somehow an expression of your moral superiority. Look, it's great that you like to work out and it's great that you have a way of eating that fits you, I'd never wanna get in the way of that. But there are a couple of gyms out there and a couple of dietary guidelines that just seem to inspire judgyness (you know who you are) in their adherents. I think knowing what works for you is and should be enough for people. I'm not against a friendly suggestion now and then, but only from a friend, and only in the context of a genuine interest in my well-being.
7. You think the Bay Area is an infallible paradise. I love the climate around San Francisco Bay. And back in the 60's it was a liberal paradise where a giant amount of progressive culture and good vibes came from (insofar as we can trust anything the baby boomers told us). San Francisco now has the greatest wealth disparity of any city in America. Its venerated neighborhoods like the Mission and Haight-Ashbury are utterly unaffordable to the people that made them venerable. And it's white, so fucking white. I love what the city stood for. And I want it to be like that again. I just think it's a pretty faded memory at this point. And it's one of the worst places for a millenial to be able to set down roots. (Oakland exempted-ish). ADDENDUM 1: If you call LA "fake" AND love SF, you are literally no longer a human being. You are a walking punch-card computer programmed for simplistic engagement with a one-sided feud (this dealbreaker excepted) that says more about Bay Area insecurity than the actual quality of either city.
8. You think that psychoanalysis and psychiatry are scams. Not only does this put you in the storied company of scientologists, but as someone who has a healthy relationship with therapy and thinks that properly prescribed SSRIs/MOAIs have really benefited me, you're definitely alienating me and implying that I'm under some sort of decades long placebo effect.
9. You pride yourself on not watching TV. Look it's perfectly acceptable to not enjoy TV and to not connect with it. But to believe that it's brain-rotting mindlessness is to not acknowledge the last thirty years of human history. Stop living in the 80s! I know the pop music was fun, but our president is much better (assuming you are reading this between 2009 and 2016--UPDATE: Oh God No!)
10. You describe yourself as anti-feminist in any way. I recently read a profile where the phrase "I'm independent but far from feminist" was used. It's a testament to the power of our rape culture that desiring equal protection under the law and equal treatment in everyday interactions has been demonized, even among the people it directly benefits. I am absolutely a feminist, to be otherwise is to be either blind to injustice or some kind of monster.
11. You believe in the inherent moral superiority of polyamory. I'm in an open relationship and it works pretty well for me right now, but it's not because I somehow "saw through the bullshit of a thousand years of Western monogamy and became a real person and not some one-partner sheep." Different strokes for different folks. Love who you want and don't consider yourself any better for it.
ADDENDUM 2: You don't think that abstaining from kink-shaming is the same thing as shaming non-kinksters. Especially if you somehow get off on your social "deviance." Either kink (or polyamory) is liberating and freeing and the solution to all our problems, or it is a sexy, deviant thing that freaks out the normals. I've met so many people (mostly older, male Doms) who are invested in simultaneously reading as enlightened and sleazy that it's unbearable for me to think of someone viewing kink as anything more than a set of interests that make you happy.
12. You are currently a member of the Republican Party. Look, I grew up in the Bush Sr/Clinton years when everyone was basically a moderate Republican and party affiliation was more about which insulting animal caricature you hated less. I had many conservative friends. Guess what? They all left the party back around 2010. The Repblican party today is a hastily assembled life-raft built on radicalized Cristianity, the glorification of anti-intellectualism and seething, boundless semi-focused hate. If you're still an enthusiastic member of the party (rather than someone who just hadn't gotten around to unregistering) then you are either an asshole, idiot, or legally in a coma where you are having rage-fueled night terrors.
I'll think of others I'm sure. I know that these dealbreakers are sort of harsh and complain-y and maybe I got a little too much joy out of writing them. But they are huge pet peeves of mine, and let's be honest, if you got super offended reading this, I'm probably not for you either. Let's both date people we get along with!