There will likely seem to be a real vibe of negativity from the rest of my profile. Ignore that, I just have a dark, grim sense of humor. I'm actually completely fabulous and any reaction to this profile outside of "Damn, I wanna sit on that dick" is the wrong one.
I'm based out of NH, but I won't be living in New England forever, so you'll have to pardon me for window shopping, women of far away lands
Beyond that, I work in a sex/smoke shop in Concord, which is why my Instagram is the way it is. It's a lot like that one episode of Married with Children where the kids follow Al to work to see what he does all day. I'm aware that putting that analogy in my profile and trying to date girls who were born in 1992 is probably not the greatest strategy.
I'm just fucking with you, I'm terrible at all that stuff. I'm a funny jerk, so I don't need real talent.
Oh, to answer your question, my enormous cock-bulge.
Also, my line of thinking these days suggests that I'm looking for something that is open/poly. It's not a dealbreaker if you're not about that, but it's definitely something I'd prefer.