49Middleton, Canada
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My self-summary
Welcome to the Goblin Market...

I work for OkCupid so if I visit your profile I am possibly just following somebody who has flagged you for some silly reason or other - Being rude to me for doing my job seems a little pointless, and being Staff Robot's Houseboy can be harsh at the best of times. Mind you, biased as I am I think we do pretty good work here.

Now... Before we were so rudely interrupted with work, it's also possible that I just visited you because you seem cool. If you haven't done anything evil or sent us a nasty email, then that's much more likely in fact. I am a user of this site too, and have been since it opened in February, 2004. Most of the older staff are users as well - That's kind of cool.

Firstly - (As a user) Can I politely suggest that if you don't want to talk to me, you just tell me? I don't want to accidentally end up as that creepy guy who ends up accidentally stalking and bothering folks (unless it's work related anyway) - There are quite enough of them on here already and I have to see gazillions of them every day. This is a site for people to communicate so it doesn't seem unreasonable for people to talk to one another... That being said; this thing sometimes shows me logged on all of the time, even when I am asleep or away for days and I have a gazillion work emails cluttering up my mailbox... So if I seem rude and ignore you; it's probably not really all my fault.

This is a long profile, and I ramble a lot. Some people like it, some people don't. If you want a summary, then scroll all the way to the bottom - I have popped one in the last paragraph. If you prefer the scenic route then carry on... I am not sure how up-to-date this is at all any more: The oldest parts of this were written for Sparkmatch in 2000 and moved here in early 2003. The bulk of it is probably circa 2007 and there have been a few updates since. Most of the question answers are over a decade old but I change ones and add explanations if I spot that they are outdated.

I used to give people stars because they seem interesting and seemed like somebody I'd like to talk to or make friends with. Hopefully if I have given you stars (and you have enough OKC powerz to see that) you will read this and know why. This has all changed now with the repulsive new quickmatch system. I dislike it enormously and think that it goes against all of the original ideals of OkCupid. This site should be better than HotOrNot or Tinder, we shouldn't be trying to strive for the lowest common denominator. I may work for the site but I don't always like everything we do. Thankfully that's allowed here. As a slight update to this, the new Mutual Match system is a big improvement. So that's a good thing, right?

I wrote a Quora thing a while ago that I am seeing shared now occasionally - It may be useful to some!


Anyway! Onwards!


(Should you be OKC point collecting, you can have 34 points for knowing where that came from without looking it up.)

If you don't like this little video then the chances are highish that you won't like me. I won't judge you if you don't click it right away; but do sometime? I also updated this to add this video too - Because I can't stop singing along with it. Poor Li'l Sebastian...

I also approve of this. Americans probably won't because they are weird about that sort of thing.

I am not really in Centralia if that's where my profile says I am - I just fancied being back there for a while on the basis that it is warmer than Nova Scotia. It's warmer than most places in fact. Oh ok, I decided to virtually move to Hell in Grand Cayman. As the guy in the Post Office there says to everybody who visits... Welcome to Hell, Mon.

After more than ten years on this site I have decided that my ideal match would like tea and cheese and probably not own make up or a razor. I decided recently that I should only ever message people with at least one barefoot photo. It seems to be a good rule of thumb but I make a few exceptions, just not too many. (Just to clarify this doesn't mean you have to spend your life barefooted! In reality Converses or good boots probably work just as well...)

I was trying to find somebody stupid enough to walk the Appalachian Trail with me and my pup in 2011 - I probably want to walk the wrong way though to avoid most of the other people on it since I suspect I wouldn't like them much. Want to come? (I suppose I had best make that 2014 or 2015 now... And also the IAT though Canadia and not the far-too-busy-and-crowded American AT)

The pup and I come as a pair, I am afraid. I try and leave him places but he always seems to come back. Still he'll probably be crushed by a wrecking ball soon. He has his own web page now.

You were warned to skip to the summary at the end - I take no responsibility for those of you who didn't heed my advice! So here we go with the main profile:

The rambling route starts with a quick summary: I collect shiny things, I am open minded and I am generally fascinated by most things I see which keeps me amused and stops me getting bored. I give gin to Athene every now and then because she appears to look after me. I am English but displaced to Nova Scotia most of the time and the Wide Wide World of Web nearly all of the time. I am still too attracted to the Hobo life and a'stabbin' people with my Hobo knife to have made a decision about silly things as to where I live properly.

I watch Amanda Palmer's Map of Tasmania video every now and then, because the colours make me happy. I used to have the front-screen photo as my desktop background, but I couldn't see any of my icons. I still switch back to it sometimes. It's not that I like Amanda Palmer much, you understand... I just like the shiny.

I was bored one day so I filled in just about all of the questions. I also submitted a couple which were rejected, despite them being better than most of the crappy ones on here... I then submitted four more, but they were rejected too. All I can assume is that they just want bland and badly written questions on here and nothing that actually asks anything useful. I have tried my own Matchme Test a couple of times and both times I scored between 50 and 60. Cupid thinks I am a 98% match with myself though therefore using advanced logic techniques I deduce that Matchme is shit.

Labels? I am not homosexual, bisexual (although I have my suspicions about my boyfriend), heterosexual (and come to think of it, my girlfriend too!), pansexual, transsexual, teapotsexual or anything like that - I am me, I am human. I am not polyamorous, I am however, not monogamous but I don't "swing" and I am not in an "open relationship". I am me, I am human and I may call myself a polymath mostly because I like the word. I have no DSM- IV indexes for you to look up about me, I have no extensive lists of drugs that I take that you could type me by and I have no interesting and exciting illnesses to define me. I am me, I am human.

I did a few of the different Myers Briggs tests and I score 50/50 on three of the four factors. This means I have 8 different MBTI results which is not very useful.

Labels are weird and so misused - I see profiles that say things like "We are a loving couple and we would like to find a female to join us" - The profile will nearly always only have photographs of the girl. Invariably the profile will then go on to say something like "I believe in Polyamoury and embrace its limitless possibilities for unbounded love" - Oh yea? Doesn't sound like you are embracing much at all there really. An ex of mine used to call these people "Bi-my-man-sexuals" which I prefer to the more common "Unicorn Hunters". I just think they'd mostly be better off dropping the label-shit and just go to Craigslist and just advertise for a housemaid or just get a puppy or something.

Anyway - Ranting aside, if you are looking for a list of bands, music genres or plastic people on the telly that I admire then you won't find many here. Sorry. That all said... I always admired Zola Budd and I admit, I think Bill Clinton was brilliant (compared to the rest, anyway). I believe in fairies and I appreciate people who bother reading this far down. You can make of my profile what you want and I am sure the people I would like will probably make good things of it. I suggest printing it in different colours and making a pretty collage or a little boat with sails. I used to have a pretty boat with sails and big engines by the way, I think she is is shown in one of the pictures. She smelled but I loved her anyway. I am pragmatic that way. For various reasons I ended up donating her to the Dunkirk Little Ships Museum because they could look after her better than I could. Sad really.

I may not actually live in the place that is shown at the top of my profile. I sometimes use Cupid as a means of living somewhere new every now and then without actually having to move there. I also occasionally set myself to the North Pole when Cupid insists on quiver-matching me with people I don't want to be matched with locally. Cupid doesn't work that well when it can't find any matches in 1000 miles. See? It makes sense really. In reality I tend to live in Nova Scotia but travel back and forth to Europe every now and then.

Any men sending me instant messages starting with something like "I am straight, but I am feeling horny..." may feel free, but should note that I will ask for a Paypal instant payment if you wish me to carry on with the conversation. The same goes for anyone from Nigeria who mentions their deep devotion to God and then proceeds to try and con me out of a small fortune. I am more than happy to listen but you will have to be more than happy to pay me for my time. I am a whore, I am more than happy to admit this and and if your money is good then so is my smile and my attitude towards you.

"Please excuse my rotten English you see Moomins go to school only as long as it amuses them." -- Moomin Mamma.

I am fascinated, shiny, exploratory, unruly, and amused
What I’m doing with my life
I rather like my life - I am a bum without portfolio and I don't apologise for it. If you don't like that then you won't like me. I don't work unless it is for myself or for people I like; I have no social work ethic and my inner child weeps for those people who spend all day, every day wasting their lives to make somebody else richer. I did this once, I didn't like it. I sometimes get paid to take photographs but I would not claim to be a photographer. Sometimes I am lucky enough to see pretty photographic scenes that I capture in a pleasant enough picture and some of these are here. I seem to have accidentally acquired a computer museum and I run a couple of large freecycle groups so I think that makes me a weirdo hippie type or something.

I write, although for too long I was happier writing teeny stories at http://55-fiction.org/ than writing stuff I was actually paid for - As a friend says on their profile, these days everybody is a writer - I wish I could say it wasn't true but it does seem to be; it's just a shame that most of them are talentless morons.

When I first wrote this profile in 2004 I was being paid to talk to perverts, I guess that made me a professional whore. These days I am just an amateur one. Sometimes I still get paid to lie which I guess makes me a professional liar. Sometimes I forget what it is I am meant to do and have done, that just makes me forgetful and senile and I remember I need to drink more tea.

I did finally crack and start a weblog. If you want to know more then it is here.
I’m really good at
Procrastination, Ranting and sleeping. Oh, and writing, provided I can get it all done before my attention gets lost somewhere more interesting. I am good at faffing as well, usually when I don't really want to do something. I used to be good at other things but then my mind stopped working so I decided I should become good at turning sad old perverts on instead, and sadly... I was but thankfully I quit that little job.

I am also good at abusing ellipses, commas and hyphens, as you will probably realise if you can be arsed to read this profile. I also literally pronounce hyperbole incorrectly about a million times a day.

Oh I remember! I am actually good at something! Sheep Photography. It's not as easy as it sounds you know - I always wanted them to bring back the "Occupation" section on passports so that I could write "Sheep Photographer and SMS Whore" as my occupation. I used to be good at freediving and as a consequence, terribly bad at scuba diving. These days I don't get out of the frozen north and any sort of diving here is just miserable despite what weird people will tell you. Saying that, I do want to go diving in Iceland one day; although after having burned my fingers badly in a hot spring maybe that would be a bad idea.
The first things people usually notice about me
Eyes and mischievous smile. If they are people I will grow to get on with, they will probably also notice my inner child waving frantically at them.

If they first see me on here, they may also notice that my profile is too long.This is because I keep adding to it, and can never be bothered to delete any of the old stuff. I am lazy, messy and disorganised and my profile reflects this.

I am told that the other main thing people usually notice is that I usually have a camera glued to my hands.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I usually skip this section until I get to know somebody, then I read it later. Feel free to do the same with mine. It is long and listy. I like lists though.

I am going to say that Axe Cop and Parks & Recreation are the bestest shows of the last few years. I should say it lower down but that's too much effort to edit!

I think that maybe this little video of Werner Herzog reading Curious George is the best thing I have ever seen on YouTube. If you like that you should try Where's Waldo and Go The Fuck To Sleep too.

This just used to say movies, so that isn't fair! I will have to edit this now; grumble... Books is easy and The Little Prince is a good start. Others include things like Cassandra at his finest and funniest, Tove Jansson's Winter and Summer Books, 1984, The Odyssey (though only some translations), Momo, Neverending Story and Oreste Pinto's Spycatcher. I like the Moomins and I am still in love with Little My (Pikku Myy) ummm, Calvin and Hobbes are my heroes as is Pippi Longstocking. Pride and Prejudice is also a wonderful book but Three Men on the Bummel and Three Men in a Boat beat most other things ever written. I like Elfquest too, I like the art and I like the way that monogamy seems to be pretty much ignored. My favourite modern authors... Ummm - Well certainly Martin Millar and then probably Tom Sharpe and James Herbert and sometimea even Hemingway and very occasionally Myself. Its an odd mix I know, but they work. I shall add some other randoms just for the hell of it too: Bill Bryson writes well as long as he steers clear of trying to be in any way academic... He's not. David Sedaris is a lovely writer if you ignore the fact that he is whiny and overly self-indulgent but his voice makes my teeth hurt. Alexander McCall Smith is excellent in everything he does and I just realised that I didn't mention Enid Blyton; she may not be very PC these days but she's still ace. Everybody should read Swallows and Amazons because Islands, Boats and Pirates are jolly important. Oh! I mustn't forget If You Give a Mouse a Cookie because sometimes other books are just too heavy and make my head hurt. I am sure I have missed a load, but it's a good selection.

Movies now then... I am going to have to watch "Cannibal! The Musical" again so I can put that in here buuuut... There were only been 32 days of the year when I wrote this in Feb 2004 so I guess it would have to have been Groundhog Day. Oh, wait, I liked the original Pirates of the Caribbean too, but Muppet Treasure Island was much better! My all-time favourite films vary, but I have always liked Being There, Field of Dreams, Being There (yes, watch it twice), Harold and Maude, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Hamlet 2 and sometimes Amelie. I suspect lots of men say they like Amelie just to make women think they are sensitive, I like it because I fancy the girl in it. Oh go on, I want Shrek and the original Charlotte's Web too. I watched Dead Poet's Soceity again today, so I can make that my best of the year again now! Spirited Away was good, though I am somewhat loathe to admit to liking Anime. Shrek 2 I am still undecided about. Last week I decided that Dodgeball was the best film in the world, I will almost certainly change my mind soon but it was even better than Kevin and Perry Go Large. I recently rewatched Last Action Hero and remembered how much I liked it; it was a nice dig at the action movies of the time and actually made me like Arnie. Some more? Um, ok... I actually did like The Descent even though nobody else did and I also rather liked Runaway Car, Bang!, Angel Heart and Cold Dog Soup. Ring of Bright Water is on as I am typing this. It is a wonderful film and it probably influenced my later life somewhat when I first saw it. I also like Ilsa - She Wolf of the SS but I have never actually watched it. Here, I did a movie montage last week for facebook, it may help! A special prize for anyone who can get them all.

TV? I can do this! I like Black Books but that may be because people keep accusing me of being Bernard - Nobody ever accuses me of being anybody out of the League of Gentlemen but I would want to be most of them. I wouldn't like to be anybody out of Monkey Dust except maybe the Pedofinder General. I like Pingu and now I like My Name is Earl and 30 Rock as token American things. I am still secretly addicted to Neighbours and I will even admit it. Mind you, that may be because I actually like Australian Accents. One of the people I love most in the world is an Australian but has the most British accent ever. Life is odd. Oh yea, just remember, every time you're at the checkout and you hear the "Beep! Beep!" Think of the fun you could be having on Supermarket Sweep. I wouldn't call myself an anime fan but I did rather like Death Note. It wasn't as good as Strangers With Candy (it's my profile, I will classify as I will!) but still it was quite clever really. I like some American things too really! Got to love Internet Downloads. I watched Boston Legal before they cancelled it, it was brilliant. Battlestar Galactica was better than the original when they kept to the old script but degraded into mumbo-jumbo later on, Veronica Mars was great, mostly just for that thrust demonstration and NCIS is ace. I also used to watch Gilmore Girls because I was so impressed by how nothing can actually have happened in it in seven seasons. I'd watch Bob Ross if he were alive still because he is a god. I admit, I watch LOST and Prison Break just out of morbid curiosity, though the Secret Service guy in Prison Break was something of a new hero of mine and I do wish he'd just shot all of them and ended the series neatly. Heroes is looking good and House is better than it should be. Supernatural, Little Mosque on the Prairie, Being Erica, Bones, Burn Notice, Hotel Babylon, How I Met Your Mother, Robin of Sherwood, Manchild, Coupling and Terminator TSCC are jolly. I also watch any adverts with Monkey in them, which means PG Tips ones and old OnDigital ones. I get my TV news from the BBC and from Al Jazeera International (Three Cheers for livestation.com for its excellent A.J.I feed). There, I watch too much TV, happy now?

Music? My tastes are a tad too eclectic to list much. I like lots of things from Johnny Cash to Bach - The CD in my drive at the moment (Feb 2004) is Yehudi Menuhin playing Swan Lake, the few before that were apparently Jake Thackery, Christy Moore, Alice Cooper, The Toy Dolls, Leonard Cohen, Switchblade Symphony, Nick Cave, Steve Earle and Bad Manners. New Model Army should be there but somebody stole it. My iPod basically has Audio Books, Radio 4 and Radio 2 Podcasts and full discograpys of Elvis, Pink Floyd, Queen, ABBA, Christy Moore, Simon and Garfunkle, Chumbawamba, Mozart's Requiem (Haroncourt) and Bach's Goldberg Variations. There's also a fairly decent selection of old Blues, Brat Pack and Country. I would put more music on but there's not enough space.

There is no section for favourite photographers or artists, how odd - Well I am adding Jan Saudek to this list anway, I love the way Saudek captures the beauty in things that normally wouldn't be considered to be so. I like Helmut Newton too but not as much and for different reasons.

I decided to put together a quick list of people I admire; in alphabetical order so there is no bias: Athene, Bernard Black, Bill Clinton, Bill Hicks, Calvin & Hobbes, David Hasselhoff, Eris, General Lewis Armistead, Grandpa Simpson, Jake Thackray, Keith Floyd, MacGyver, Margaret Thatcher and Prince Philip for their tenacity, Oliver Reed, Onyx Blackman, Oreste Pinto, Rolf Harris (ah shit, I wrote that one many years before he fucked up, sigh!), Silvio Berlusconi (for getting away with it all), Stringfellow Hawke, Tove Jansson, Uzzah the Cart Driver, Sir William Connor, William Shatner, Winston Churchill and Zola Budd. There is also the Black guy from Jericho as well, he's the coolest black man on Telly. Even more so than Carlton Banks and Patrick from Manchild. My friend Giles also insisted that I add him to, so I have.

I like trees. I especially like The Llangernyw Yew. I have never hugged it though.

As for food - Yummy!
Six things I could never do without
Friends (*), shiny things, cute things and nice things; oh and useful things. A good knife and a camera. Crappy TV or BBC Radio 4 as background noise to my life and air-conditioning, although I don't have any, so I guess I am living without it now. I use the Interweb a lot so it stands to reason I could not do without Zombo.com and I probably need to be near the sea quite often and wilderness equally so. Islands with woodland on are perfect which is kind of convenient.

Freedom and honesty are big deals to me, so are human interaction, inspiration, The Little Prince, Calvin & Hobbes and the Moomins - Toast and Marmite too! I know that is more six but why should I abide by the rules of the OKCupid police, humph. Oh wait. I am the OKCupid police. Ha!

I guess in reality, freedom, inspiration, hope, wonder, good company and a good knife would be the ones I would opt for.

(*) I didn't highlight Friends, because I am scared it may bring people who like that god-awful TV show to my profile.
I spend a lot of time thinking about

This used to be "If I could trade brains with anybody, it would be:" - And I object to Cupid changing questions on me so I am keeping my old answer...

Pallas Athene, or Athena if you prefer. Also Posiden (Hey, I am a sailor, albeit a bad one) and other aspects of folkloristics.

Sometimes I wonder why there are no people listed as 90 year olds on http://www.okcupid.com/hotlist - That seems very discriminatory to me. I also think about Asphalt a lot, especially Mastic Asphalt - This alone should warrant me top place on any hotlist.

I also sometimes wonder why Cupid often deleted lumps of profile as I was updating it, to the point where I had to back this thing up on another profile just so I had a spare when it lost a whole section.

I find it funny that the one thing science fiction books never really predicted, is the search engines. Even in the best visions of the future when they had huge Internet like databases it still took hours to actually look anything up. I guess for people who have had to spend days and days of training in how to use Science Citation Indexes and Law Libraries, it's just something you would have dreamed of but never really expected to happen. I certainly didn't and yet now I accept it so easily and sometimes forget a world without them.

I sometimes wonder what "short term dating" means on Cupid. Is it just a polite way of saying "sex partners" or is it just a pessimistic way of saying that long term dating is doomed to failure? This isn't a criticism of anyone who says it, it's merely something I sometimes ponder which is what this question asked and what I am striving to answer.

Whilst we are here, lately I have spent a lot of time being pissed off with this new airport passenger tax which has been imposed on us Brits by Blair's Stasi and oddly backed by the Green Party and by Friends of the Earth. When twatty little environmental group spokespeople with their half million quid, solar aided middle class homes and their £50,000 environmentally friendly cars say that they want to make air travel so expensive that normal people can't afford it so that they can save the fucking earth for their chinless little offspring, sorry but I want to put an incendiary bullet in them and their methane recycling systems. Cheap European Air Travel is a godsend to Europe and is doing a hell of a lot more social good than it is doing environmental bad. As for me, I have 150 acres of healthy forest. Are they paying me for ridding them of huge amounts of carbon at the same time as charging me for creating relatively tiny amounts? Are they buggery. Wanking fucking tossers. You may safely assume I didn't vote for Blair and the only time I will is on that cold day in hell when they have a referendum to gas him and his cronies for War Crimes. I feel better now. I thank you.

Lots of my time is spent reading the labels on bottles of Dr Bronner's Soap. One day, I may understand it but I fear that day may be the day I get committed. This would not be good, I don't like hospital food very much.

I also spend too much time thinking about cheese and tea; I mention this only to detract from that rant above. Cheese and tea are both much better than politics.
On a typical Friday night I am
When I wrote this in early 2004, the answer was "Watching TV and sitting in front of a computer screen talking absolute crap to loads of sad perverts and presumably, making them sticky and generally happy. I wish this was a lie, but hey! The TV is at least sometimes ok." - The talking to perverts bit isn't true any more, I got out of the whoring game but I like the answer so I am keeping it a while. When I updated this in 2007 the answer was that I was more likely to be preparing for the Car Boot Sales at the weekend, flying to some weird country or looking forward to lots of sleep. Now it is 2009, I probably have no idea that it is a Friday and I am doing the same as I do most other nights. Mostly this depends on the season, where in the world I am and where in the world the people I like to be with are.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I was a kid, the other children used to put whipped cream and cherries on my head. It was hard growing up in the gateau.

Also - My staff-menu lets me see people who DON'T like me; so if you give me 3 stars or less I will know! I don't look ever though; it makes me paranoid. But GRRRR anyway!

Anyway - This is an odd question really, so I am going to change it. It's my profile, I can do what I want.

The problem is, I am not a very private person with people I am close to but there is a lot you won't know about me if you don't know me and that is just fine by me. It's a sad fact of life that there is a very high chance I don't want to know most people who stumble across this profile anyway; though to be fair, if you are daft enough to have made it this far that may well not be the case. My settings at the top used to be deliberately set so that I didn't appear in most people's carefully defined local matches (I counted on the fact that the people I wouldn't like would set an age cut off limit, or look for just unattached people). If you like me, great, but I don't want to just be someone who gets bulk-mailed from a list of likely targets. I like people, I like talking to people but I don't like everyone. I am very picky.

Most of the private things I know are about other people. I could tell you the story of a friend of mine who worked as a prostitute who phoned me one day to tell me she had just spent an hour dressed as a school girl watching two old people spanking each other with table tennis bats whilst masturbating to her dancing (she is a very bad dancer and would look ridiculous as a school girl, incidentally). She had decided it was perhaps time to change profession. It's amusing, it's private but it's not very relevant to this is it?

I shall therefore use this box as a space to babble about stuff that doesn't really fit elsewhere so:

Stuff I thought I would fill this space babbling about:

Jesus loves me, but he can't stand you.

I was just looking at somebody's profile, and one of the pictures was captioned "[ LooKinG @ pUppIes ]" - I have to admit, it made me physically cringe - It was unconscious, but I felt it happen and found it weird. It was also weird that although I thought they looked slightly cute, I lost any appeal for them from that point. I wonder if that is bad.

To more "normal" things: I kind of want to have sex in a Dalek; just so I can tell people it's the most strange place I have ever had sex. I have a Dalek, but all my friends who'd have sex with me think I am deranged. Mind you; I am crap in bed, so that may be it. Also my cats, apparently, are a lot cuter than I am and unlike them I am scared of clouds and gravity too; both having it, and losing it. Sometimes I drive along and wonder what would happen if it suddenly stopped working and we all flew off the planet.

Should you happen to belong to any government and you are reading this; you know those terrorists you are looking for? It's not really that private but eventually after blowing everyone else up, you'll really have to look towards Saudi one day. You may actually find some then.

The bottom of my profile used to say no blacks, Irish or Finns, this was actually a quote (ok, so I replaced "dogs" with "Finns" but I am sure the Finns will forgive me). It was there because I figure most people just read the top and bottom of profiles and it would probably make most people go away. It made sense to me but still, not too many Finns, ok!

Ummm... If the top of my profile says I am gay this week, I am probably just generally annoyed with women and decided to list myself as gay again... It never works, but I always feel it would be a good plan sometimes!

I am babbling a lot aren't I? - Well see if I care, nobody reads this crap anyway, right? - I think a lot of my matches have gone down lately because I said in a question that I would happily sell my right to vote to somebody for £10 (or $10 or whatever) - The thing is, that question was pointless if you are British - It's not like the vote we have matters much, you get the same whatever you vote for these days anyway so I may as well just have the £10. I did win money by betting that Bush would get back in his last term though - Thanks American Voters, you bought me a nice meal even if you made the world a considerably more dangerous place - I know where *my* priorities lie. Ha!

I have a measured IQ of 78 - This apparently means I cannot feed myself. I hold very little stock in things like IQ tests.

I have Heelys, they will probably be the death of me.

I do not know Sanskrit and I worry that I am losing the chance to meet interesting people because I am not answering these questions in that language as well.

Watching 30 Rock made me buy a GE Microwave Oven. Many people would think this was somewhat sad but I don't. Jack is secretly my hero I think. I change heroes quite often, you may have spotted this in the course of my profile.

Finally. I so so so want to work for http://www.nerdrotica.com/ - Which reminds me, as a former professional slut, I object to the Slut Test - I mean I am bound to score highly... Grumble.
You should message me if
You want to or if you are scared of clouds or gravity too.

Actually, you should be careful of messaging people on the Internet, most of them are bloody nutters.

If you made it this far and you are deluded enough to think I sound interesting enough to talk to then please, feel free. I am nothing like as bitter and cynical and snappy as I seem. I know it's hard to think of something original to say to people you message out of the blue but I actually quite like receiving messages. Just try and avoid "Cute cat" as an opening line though please, this is my profile, not my cat's and I am more than aware of how cute she is already. People keep mailing me to tell me so. Um, now I have a problem because if somebody tells me what not to mail them in a profile, I nearly always mail them that. I guess this means that most people I would like would mail me and tell me I have cute cats. Damn. (Oh the Ginger one is dead now, so I guess she's less cute anyway).

I was considering becoming more selective of people I talk to based on whether they have any photos of themselves bare footed or in sandals. People who spend time barefoot seem to be happier than ones who don't. Maybe shoes are a big problem with modern society - Ummm. Mind you I like shoes. Oh well, I shall implement this policy randomly based on other factors.

I am unusually drawn to the few people who have more than the standard three adjectives at the top of their profile. I tend to get on well with people who cannot resist pressing the Big Red Button and rub candle wax over the For Office Use Only boxes on official forms.

If you have read this profile you should be able to guess which things (if any -At the time I am editing this it's all truthful) at the top of my profile may be lies - I set my height and age etc. randomly sometimes so that I don't show up in tightly defined match searches and things like that; I am not interested in people looking for say, a white straight male in their local area between 20 and 40, with an income over $100,000, their own car, cats and a foot-spa. If people find me through common interests or something then that's great but otherwise, I am not really interested. It makes no odds anyway, people nearly all lie on these profiles - Here have a look at This Article.

I think I should add somewhere that if people don't identify with at least a couple of these pictures or dance along to this song then they probably wouldn't like me very much.

You should probably be aware that I am not monogamous and am pretty happy with my relationships as they are at the moment. I am not saying I am not looking for interesting people in my life but if you have any major issue with this or feel the need to compete or something then you probably shouldn't message me; it won't do either of us any good. I have no idea how to explain or classify my relationships, and I don't really feel the need to do outside what's agreed or implied within them. Maybe this is why classifications don't seem to work for me when it comes to relationships? Those pansexual poly pagan people are odd I tell you! ODD! How come they all know how it all works? Humph.

Finally though, I kind of feel that I should add "You don't mind that sometimes my view of your profile will show me the last few messages you have sent to people". I wonder if this will cut down on the amount of people who ever want to talk to me.

Congratulations if you made it this far by the way. Even if you are like me and read the "About me" and then the "You should message me if..." parts of a profile first, it's still pretty impressive that you made it to here.

I promised a quick summary:

  • . I am not straight, bisexual or gay. I am a mixture of them all I guess.
  • . I don't care whether you are straight, bisexual or gay very much as long as I like you.
  • . I am not monogamous, nor do I call myself polyamorous.
  • . I am looking for interesting and fun people on here. It would be nice to find some interesting and fun people in Nova Scotia
    but I am not entirely sure they exist. I hope that they do. Hope is a good thing.
  • . I avoid working to make corporations rich like the plague.
  • . I am not a vegan nor a vegetarian, but I am aware of what I am eating when I eat meat. I support ethical animal farming
    strongly. Raw tomatoes make me sick.
  • . I generally like people, human ones and non-human ones.
  • . I am not married, I am not 2 foot tall and I am not a lot of what the status says. When I was listed as gay/bi I used to get a
    whole load of messages asking for cybersex from "straight" men, so I changed to straight because it was easier. The rest of the
    profile is true although I often change my location because quiver annoys me.
  • . I don't bite. I am not going to write a load of crap about why you shouldn't contact me. If you think we'd get on then
    please just say hello.
  • . I am honest, open and direct - Some people like it some people don't. I assume you won't bother saying hello if you don't.
  • . I have been on here since it started, I have met some people I really like on here. I don't like the cynical way they
    have been tweaking the matches and I tend to trust friends% more than match%. If we are over 80% in friends and I seem
    interesting then at least wave?
  • . I doubt religious people will like me much but I am open to being surprised.
  • . Nicole says I talk a lot of crap but I smell nice (assuming you like the smell of skunks, maybe?) - I think this was meant as a compliment...
The two of us